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Sparkles Remain...
| Corner Pub #2 |
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Sparkles Remain... |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind 
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Sparkles Remain... The night is full of Forlorn stars which Stand apart from Corner of the sky. What we can observe Is tiny portion Of this loneliness. When we're admiring The moonshine's brightness, Would we forget the Little sparkling stars. We think we know all Stars' secrets by heart. Yet how many of Us, take time to ob- serve through telescope To get to know each. A star may be beu tiful yet none cares To glance at. The spark- les remain the knots To stars' heart... The sparkles remain Left unnoticed... (c)Mar 8, 2003 Eliza Simmons ~Every girl has a dream within. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Eliza Simmons - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Eliza~ How beautifully you write~ I love the all of this~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Eliza - your writing is getting better and better. I love this one! Chris  "Hope" is the thing with feathers- |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
Yes we must nopt overlook the stars. Joyce |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
I like it, but I'm not sure I understand why you have wrapped some of the words onto the next lines near the end of the poem. it cuts into the meaning a bit I think, making it just that little bit harder to read. But other than that, i think you've done s great job.. and I love the title, it's perfect. Bless your cotten sockies, you poetic maniacs. ^_^ |
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Trillium
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
Eliza: I do like this poem, but I have to agree with Yu Lan, that cutting words in two and carrying them to another line is very distracting. At least is for me and apparently for her too. It's a fine poem and would be more impressive, I think if you changed that one thing. Betty Lou Hebert |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind |
I did it for the purpose of making most line 5 syallables...but is it better to change it? ~Every girl has a dream within. |
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