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I'm a Hamster
| Corner Pub #2 |
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I'm a Hamster |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind 
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I'm a Hamster When the sun is set, When the hue turns gray, Gorgeous night knocks with her steps. What I leave out in the scene Are the cold metal of cars and machines, And the cold texture of buildings and houses. Baby, listen to me... ...Don't hold on to my words, For I'm a hamster on wheel... ...I know how to drive And twist around at will... Hamster is special and cute, But animals come with various forms. Each is unique and has its tastes. ...(You may find one... That suits better your habits and tastes.) So when the Ms gorgeous night... Walks in, I stay on side bench... Quietly observe... its back and shades I wait and see... whether I can Pick out one or two... moments Of embarrassment... and silence. I wait to see... my own reflection...which Someday you'll find it's but another mirror. Baby, listen to me... ...Don't hold on to my words, For I'm a hamster on wheel... ...I know how to drive And twist around at will... So when the Ms gorgeous night... Walks in, Please be cautious...that she... She has tears and weakness as her powers, And words are flowers to her. When she gives you a bouquet, ...Remember (I'm a hamster...) (c)Mar 2, 2003 Eliza Simmons ~Every girl has a dream within. [This message has been edited by aries_luv_ppl (03-03-2003 04:23 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Eliza Simmons - All Rights Reserved | |||
Nightshade 
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Eliza - I don't want your work to go without someone commenting. I think we (just my opinion) are having a hard time understanding this interesting write. I have read it through a few times now & feel that I have a grasp on what you are trying to say. You are unique....you hurt like all of us...and you need to be loved. Am I getting it? I would love to know what was running through your mind at the time that you composed this. It's caught my interest. Chris  "Hope" is the thing with feathers- |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind |
I was saying "Look there is a great scene, but what is left out I didn't mention is the ungly side of it." "Don't trust my words, for I'm like a hamster who is running on wheel, driving direction at will." "Ms gorgeous night is my reflection...I observe her to see how bad I did..." "Words are flowers to me, so when I give you a bouquet, don't be decieved!" ------------------ I'm basically sad about that I say more than my action that my words become lies. Do you think I wrote this poem terribly? ~Every girl has a dream within. [This message has been edited by aries_luv_ppl (03-03-2003 01:36 PM).] |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Oh, now that makes sense! I must be dimwitted or something to-day...lol. No, you didn't write it terribly. You wrote your feeling quite well. But, you know what? In your explanation, I loved the whole line umm....Don't trust my words, for I'm like a hamster who is running on wheel, driving direction at will." This explains everything. If it were myself writing it, I would have used that line in some way, either broken up or..oh, I don't know. I am not a "poet" by any means. I write quite plainly and more like a greeting card than some of the wonderful words I have read in Passions. All I know is, you have great ideas....now go try them out in different ways - have fun!! hugs, Chris "Hope" is the thing with feathers- |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind |
You must be kidding that you aren't poet. We all know you are ~Every girl has a dream within. |
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