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Corner Pub #2

Lovers light.

cherrylips
Member

since 2002-11-30

Posts 51
UK

0 posted 2002-12-09 04:36 AM

I think about you night and day
Forever in my heart you stay
All through my body heart and soul
Never without you am I whole

Your Affection, the air I breathe
Your touch, your kiss, all that I need
You know the words I long to say
You know I fear your heart will stray

Stray it wont, this love you return
With us the lovers light will burn.

cherrylips
Member

since 2002-11-30

Posts 51
UK

1 posted 2002-12-09 04:52 AM

Short and sweet, but not sure if it is too short. Would appreciate comments on style as well as content. Any suggested improvements much appreciated. At the moment I have been writing poetry as I go along but any tips of poetry writing in general would be helpful, dx

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

2 posted 2002-12-09 06:55 PM

Very nice Cherry. You told the story well. If you really want a tip, i noticed that won't had no apostophre and I didn't see why affection was capitalized. Ohterwise, very nice. Love, Joyce

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

3 posted 2002-12-29 03:08 PM

cherrylips~
I enjoyed reading this piece.
Very nicely penned.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

4 posted 2003-01-01 05:18 PM

I like the 1st stanze the best

Lovely read.

Eliza Simmons
~Sometimes when I look back at what I wrote, I don't recognize the 'Me' in the past anymore.

Daniel J D
Senior Member

since 2000-10-01

Posts 1471
Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia

5 posted 2003-01-02 12:13 PM

Wonderful write. Keep it coming.

Respond to my call and let the waves of my heart fill your life with the wonders of love
(Daniel J D)

LADY_DEATH
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 105
Fl

6 posted 2003-01-03 06:24 PM

I loved the whole poem especially not being able to live without them.

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