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Open Poetry #8
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The Newlywed Handbook- For men
| Open Poetry #8 |
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The Newlywed Handbook- For men |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania 
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THE RULES To those who never read THE RULES I offer you some golden tools A lifeline of reality Engraved into posterity Consider this a gift for life A way to truly conquer strife These rules were never etched in stones But born instead into your bones To those among you who are fools Please disregard these silly rules But Gentlemen if you are wise These rules of life you’ll memorize So save the trouble, save the strife Save your marriage!, Save your life ! Accept this gift with all the best And settle in with all the rest 1. Rule number 1 is just a jewel It says the Female makes the rules 2. Rule two , The rules can sometimes change The woman , though, need not explain 3. Rule three states no man from the start May know all of the rules by heart 4. Rule 4 states that if she suspects, you know what it’s about, She’ll quickly put some new rules in and throw some old ones out 5. Practice saying all along She is NEVER, NEVER WRONG 6. If the female happens to be wrong The blame on her does not belong Any misconception bred Resulted from something HE had said 7. If then Rule #6 in fact applies, The male must then aplologize Admitting he was not too wise 8. There simply isn’t any time The female cannot change her mind So leave all other thoughts behind 9. The male may never change his mind Unless the female comes to find A slight advantage to his bent And writes a note with her consent 10. At any given time or place She may show anger on her face 11. But this, the man may never do Unless the female wants him to 12. The female never gives a clue As what the male’s supposed to do To kiss, be angry, upset or fight But he just better get it right 13 The male must always read her mind 14. PMS makes everthing nullified 15 The female’s ready when so inclined 16 The male is ready all the time A simply little set of rules To understand your wife Just a handy box of tools Can sometimes save your life I hope that you will learn them soon And have a HAPPY HONEYMOON! Perhaps someone recognizes where these rules originated, so that I may acknowledge the author. I just put them in the form of a poem Liz [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Santos (edited 06-11-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Elizabeth Santos - All Rights Reserved | |||
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Aw Liz a wonderful poem, in summarising 1. the woman is always, 2.If the woman is wrong see rule one. lol. rolmao. big laugh though I get the feeling you were being serious. the only thing is that you might scare some Romeos off of marrying their Juilets, but I guess the rules don't just apply to marriages they apply to relationships as well. Ok men of passions, THE WOMAN ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. ------------------------ "Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time". Baltimore Grotto "To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." E.E Cummings. manic street preachers "Culture Alienation Borebom and Despair" "I know I believe in nothing but it is my nothing" -faster MSP "And you see, I kind of shiver to conformity Did you see, the way I cower to authority, you see And my life, it's a series of compromises anyway It's a sham, and I'm conditioned to accept it all, you see" six by Paul Draper. ----- |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Ah Ha,...I love this. Thanks for posting it. Ok all you guys,...listen to what Brian said as well. LoL....this is too much. Very cool piece...I've heard some version of it before but love what you have done to it with your poetic beauty. Thanks again. *Peace. |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Liz, Thank you for sharing these words of wisdom with all the men!! LOL.....great poem. I just loved it!!  LW Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end. --Michael W. Smith |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Awesome, Liz! Hope all these macho men belly on up to this poem and take a read! Corinne |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
ROTFL....yep, these look familiar!!! I love the way you have poeticized(for want of better word) them!! Brilliant!! You are a supreme poetess, Liz!! Love and hugs, Lizzie  "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight." |
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Trew Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Ottawa, Canada |
How long have you known about these rules? You know, you could have shared them a lot earlier and saved us a ton of frustration! Perhaps we could print them off and send copies to maternity wards around the world! LOL!! Great piece, Elizabeth. A lot of fun! Trew. I have been to see the world. Tasted life at every turn. And all the time your face came back to haunt me. -Chris DeBurgh |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Wonderful Elizabeth!!! Found myself smiling the whole way through ... such a talent you have! I loved this! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I sure do know where these rules originated. What I'd like to know is.....how do you know my ex-wife?  |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
I couldn't have said it better myself, Elizabeth! Elizabeth I'm grabbing my hat and coat I'm leaving the cat a note Quick call me a ferry boat-getting out of town! |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
.....LOL Liz what a hoot wonderful poem, loved the read Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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lucky Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 1601Idaho |
Dear Heart, < !signature-->I waited to see if "any" knew where it came from... So sorry, neither do I... But I do have a long night shirt that RJ bought me a few years back... But there's no author, but for you, here it is. And oh, by the way... from it's writing... I would have to say it's been rewritten by a male of sorts... I'm sure a woman would have said it (((LOTS))) better, and also with a much better sashay of syllables. THE RULES 1. The female always makes the rules. 2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. 3. No male can possibly know all the rules. 4. If the female suspects the male knows all the rules she must immediately change some or all of the rules. 5. The female is never wrong. 6. If the female appears to be wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong. 7.If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding. 8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time. 9. The male must NEVER change his mind without express written consent from the female. 10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. 11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. 12. The female must under NO circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset. 13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm. 14. If the female has PMS, all rules are null and void. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED @ 199 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Liz, after the last "9" comes a small "o" with a line under it... I don't know what it means if anything... but this is word for word. So my awesome lady and her awesome man, Great prayers and love and if we don't meet here I know we will up above. Dale and Rosemary If I could paint a portrait, of this life in which I've led, and somehow sketch a story, of the visions in my head, I'd start out with a canvas, stretched tightly in a frame, and in the bottom corner, I'd leave room to sign my name. (Michelle A. Bartley) [This message has been edited by lucky (edited 06-13-2000).] |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
YEP,Lucky! That's Them, alright!. I've got them hanging on my office wall, with a feww added on. Thanks! Liz |
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lucky Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 1601Idaho |
Liz, Your a stinker... |
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