»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #8
»
Merciless Death (simultaneous post with dark passions #2)
| Open Poetry #8 |
|
Merciless Death (simultaneous post with dark passions #2) |
|
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium 
|
I don't know if I could do this, posting in two forums at the same time. I know that reposts are allowed between forums, but simultaneous posts??? moderators please be kind to inform me...thanks... ----------------------------- Merciless death ------------------ His skull cracked from the weight, of viruses, rabid, galore Deluded, he blames my fate, Hazy, dark visions implore. Thoughts of the Devil, his evil ways, Lies, hatred for subversive gain, Acts inhumane, a lucidrous sound says, "Join satan's behemoth, forget other pain" Deprived of corrective thoughts, Unloved, despised, within cold prison cells, Ungainly measures, a wild snake spouts Picked up the pieces, decadent sea shells. Blew into a conch, no sound was heard, This silent world, none had spoken for a decade, In death's corner, end he no longer feared, Misery lacks company, friendship a mere facade. Years of rot, imprisoned for life, Even death shows no mercy, comes delayed, Deemed guilty of killing his treacherous wife, He awaits a living death, justice is delayed. ------------------------- I am attempting some dark fiction here, thinking from an imprisoned man's mind, 10 years in jail and rotting... please comment on this....thank you My heart is pounding, my stomach's inside out I'm feeling kind-a-shaky, my mind is full of doubt All I ever think about, is fearing fear itself, Wish I could unscrew my head and put it on the shelf Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight, Don't know what I'm looking at, the lights are all too bright My brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor Sweep 'em up. Throw 'em away, don't want 'em anymore Clouds race across the sky, day turns into night, Still there are the questions, no answers in sight Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight, Starin' out the window, everything is just too bright Brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor, Wish I could unscrew my head, and kick it out the door... You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange ~ Strange ~ Joe Satriani (Flying in a Blue Dream) |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Yipes! Gave me the shivers Sudhir ... so different from your other poems ... you've captured the dark side well I fear ... well done. Best wishes, /Kit |
||
|
Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
You sure captured the feelings of this man very well ! Well done ! |
||
Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Wow, Sudhir! This is very expressive and captures the confined feeling very well. Nice work here...and about the simultaneous posts-I don't think we're supposed to post the same poem in different forums FYI...but thanks for sharing this one! Elizabeth I'm grabbing my hat and coat I'm leaving the cat a note Quick call me a ferry boat-getting out of town! |
||
|
Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Wow, Sudhir, you are growing in leaps and bounds! Chilling, this! Corinne |
||
|
nando Member
since 2000-06-09
Posts 87Vaxjo, Smaland, Sweden |
Sudhir.... Dark, creepy, and strong. I could feel the desperation and fear in this powerful poem. Different and very good... -nando- Ask me how to live your life, and this to you I´ll say: make your choises true and wise, so that when tomorrow will arise, you´ll smile at yesterday... |
||
|
shilpi Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 73 |
I must say,a very different poem, you gave us more than a peek into the prisoner's mind..... ******** Years of rot, imprisoned for life, Even death shows no mercy, comes delayed, Deemed guilty of killing his treacherous wife, He awaits a living death, justice is delayed. ******** very dark.....wonderfully woven shilpi |
||
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Kit, Munda, Elizabeth, Corinne, nando, Shilpi, Thank you all for reading this one...Actually this had come up when I was replying to Sven's earlier challenge - the Palindrome one... There I had an incomplete theme about a peron catching his wife cheating and feeling miserable... Later on, I suppose I watched a movie on similar theme...On exploring the theme, further, I thought the man might end up in jail if he tries revenge, so this one.. I agree quite different from other recent poems from me, but had most fun writing this. Thank to all of you for your ever-present support... Regards, sudhir |
||
|
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Hi Sudhir Your poetry is indeed intriguing - you express your sentiments well... As for the "double posting" question - Our policy is that you can choose one forum for posting, exclusive of "Critical Analysis" and the "Workshops". If you post in either of those forums, feel free to post in one another forum as well....  |
||
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Nan, Thanks for your kind words. I will remember the info about cross posting, and promise not to double post again... Thanks again. Regards, sudhir My heart is pounding, my stomach's inside out I'm feeling kind-a-shaky, my mind is full of doubt All I ever think about, is fearing fear itself, Wish I could unscrew my head and put it on the shelf Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight, Don't know what I'm looking at, the lights are all too bright My brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor Sweep 'em up. Throw 'em away, don't want 'em anymore Clouds race across the sky, day turns into night, Still there are the questions, no answers in sight Everything is twisted, everything is oh so tight, Starin' out the window, everything is just too bright Brain's about to crumble, spill out on the floor, Wish I could unscrew my head, and kick it out the door... You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange You know I'm feeling kind-a....Strange ~ Strange ~ Joe Satriani (Flying in a Blue Dream) |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
