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Open Poetry #8
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(Looking for a title) Help...?!?!
| Open Poetry #8 |
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(Looking for a title) Help...?!?! |
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Poetias Junior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 26 |
Help me remember what I love about you For I have hidden my love. My purest adoration is masked, locked away where it will no longer be vulnerable to the brutality that spews forth from those lips Lips that once made me quiver with the mere utterance of three words I have created a safe haven for myself which to you may seem a cold and frigid isolation; an unforgving retreat My longing for you slips further and further away from me with each hurtful word with each lonely day For even when you are here, I am still alone I have lost the partner I married and I am left instead with his residual self stay here or let me free for this should prove long-lasting or never be. "Even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you." -Khalil Gibran THE PROPHET |
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| © Copyright 2000 Nira C Jones - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poetias Junior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 26 |
I couldn't think of a title. Whoever reads, please suggest. Thanx... |
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
Poetias..... How about 'Hidden Love'?? This is so beautiful, and anyone whose ever been in a long-term relationship can feel exactly what you're saying here! My favorite part: "for even when you're here I'm still alone...." How many times have I thought this....... Paint your words upon the eager waiting canvas of my heart.....~Sunny1~ |
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Poetias Junior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 26 |
Hidden Love, I think that works. I didn't know if it was just me or what, but I cannot escape the feeling that I am "fighting" this "battle" by myself. Trying to save my relationship. Thanks for reading. "Even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you." -Khalil Gibran THE PROPHET |
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
Poetias... I keep coming back to read this. I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone in feeling the way you do. It's frustrating to fight to save a relationship, 'cause it seems like they keep changing. I do understand.....I've felt the words you've written.......... You're not alone here.... Dont be afraid of the dark....behind it is the light.... |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Sounds like "together we shall be alone" to me. Hope things get better. Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Sounds familiar here as well. How about "Love Retreated". Hope you find a title and more importantly hope you find the love again.  |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
how about "Hope Abandoned" I know how you feel...being shut out is the worst kind of abandonment...but please know love is out there...and in the last place you might expect to find it...I found it here. |
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Poetias Junior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 26 |
Sunny1- In knowing you like this work, or assuming you do anyway, it helps. It brings me out of this rut I'm stuck in. I write on ther topics, really I do.=) Thank you for making me feel that I belong. Prometheus- "Together I shall be alone", is more like it. I hope it gets better too, it can't get any worse. Mark- I'm glad you glad you can relate, it makes it seem my feelings are being validated. Paula Finn- I definitely have found it here...my poems have never been appreciated like they are here. You all speak to my heart. "Even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you." -Khalil Gibran THE PROPHET |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
I loved this poem..lots of rich feelings and desires and disappointments...I suggest the title.."My lips once quivered". James |
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Poetias Junior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 26 |
James -I think that's it! It's perfect..."My lips once quivered". How did you see it? |
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Michael G Senior Member
since 2000-06-25
Posts 579Nashville |
How about"Loves lost yearning". I love the poem, hits the right spot. I know exactly how you are feeling. Have my vote. Michael G |
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Poetias Junior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 26 |
Thank you Michael, I'm glad I was able to touch you with my words. Please continue to be so kind when speaking of my poetry. Yes, I think that title fits as well. I cannot be forced to choose one. No. "Even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you." -Khalil Gibran THE PROPHET |
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