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Sleeping Beauty
New Member

since 2000-07-11

Posts 4
Washington

0 posted 2000-07-12 05:59 PM

I saw you today
Standing straight, looking my way
The lawn framing you like a picture
How much more of you do I have to endure?

I told myself that I'm letting you go
But when I see your golden glow
Memories quickly flood my head
And I feel my heart ache for you instead.

My heart jumps so when I see your vision
Today was no exception as I froze in indecison
Then I turned my head in disbelief
Convincing myself it wasn't you as my relief.

But I did see you today
Standing straight, looking my way
I could have stopped the car and talked
But my mind knew better and kept the gas pedal locked.

Ethan Halo
Senior Member

since 2000-04-28

Posts 793
on the roof again

1 posted 2000-07-12 06:20 PM

i like this one a lot. it's like you see him and envision all these things that could happen and flashback to all the good things that have happened, but then in the last stanza you burst the bubble. you take us back to reality, and you floor it.
very cool style.

We all got our demons.
We all got somethin' to atone for.

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2000-07-13 06:12 AM

Great writing Sleeping Beauty! Mind takes over the heart, and you keep the pedal down ... wonderfully descriptive!

Best wishes,
/Kit

Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A

3 posted 2000-07-13 06:47 AM

Yeah...I understand. There's a girl walking around out there right now that I still can't lay one eye on and my heart just stops.
It'll always be that way and I guess I can accept that...it's just too bad she had to break up with me. The way you told the story was really effective. I like your visuality.

Jeremy

"Time is the matter, and in a matter of that all wounds will heal and all scars shall fade."

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

4 posted 2000-07-13 10:10 AM

great poem. it really is hard to decide whether to choose between what your heart or what your mind tells you. keep writing

Jacman
Member

since 2000-06-27

Posts 291
Dwight Il, US

5 posted 2000-07-13 10:17 AM

I know how you feel, even the mention of her name, still brings a chill down my spine, and a stabbing of pain in my heart. I sure hope that you get over this soon, because then that would mean there is hope for me.

jason

Lovely_Kris
Member

since 2000-07-11

Posts 176

6 posted 2000-07-13 02:15 PM

I think you did a great job. and i like this poem alot. I hope to read more of your poems.

Martini
Member

since 2000-07-11

Posts 308
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

7 posted 2000-07-13 03:08 PM

You summed it all up in a beautiful poem. Seeing that person is unbearable sometimes. There is still someone out there who consumes my every thought, and hope and dream. And everytime I drive past him, or down his street, or even somewhere we have been together I ache for him back. If he only knew how hard it was.

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

8 posted 2007-12-01 11:05 PM

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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