An ode to the simple way i lost you

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Rhiannon
Member

since 1999-07-28

Posts 95
Fayetteville, TN USA

0 posted 2000-11-14 09:12 PM

It doesn't even hurt anymore
It's just annoying like
The way the bright light of the sun
Seems to get in your eyes no matter
Where you go
It won't leave me, that
Image of you
Next to her
Always
And I regret the way i handled it
But I guess we'll all get over it
In time
I miss you and
The letters you would write
The hugs I used to get
Constantly,
But mostly I miss
How much you used to care
For me.

The night is my companion
The solitude my guide
Would I spend forever here
And not be satisfied?
Sarah MacLachlan, "Possession"

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

1 posted 2000-11-14 09:56 PM

Hey~ great poem. i like how you broke apart the sentences. awesome. keep up the great work

~!*DQ*!~

"A true friend can see the truth and pain in your eyes, even when you're fooling everyone else"

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2000-11-15 03:49 PM

THis was great.

"New skin may hold you in
But the old skin still turns us on"- SP

Anyway.....i liked this a lot!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

3 posted 2000-11-15 03:52 PM

"It's just annoying like
The way the bright light of the sun
Seems to get in your eyes no matter
Where you go"

Wow... this is a really good piece. I especally love the "sun" metaphor. It always hurts to lose someone you love, and I hope writing this helped you feel better. Thanks for sharing.

False gems may shine as brightly as the genuine article, but there are always those who can tell the difference.

Tamma

Senior Member

since 2000-01-17

Posts 794
In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV

4 posted 2000-11-15 04:10 PM

ok, now im gonna cry...next week is thanksgiving break and justins going to sandras for the week, which means i wont get to see him...lately it feels like im gonna lose him...hes scared hes gonna get me sick, so the most hell do is hold my hand...he wont even kiss my cheek like he always used to do

but i still <3 him to death

~*~ Tamma Loves Justin ~*~

If you love someone dont put their name in a heart,
put their name in a circle, because a heart can be broken
but a circle is continious.

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

5 posted 2000-11-16 05:54 PM

This poem is really good, I also liked how it was set up. Great writing

"But mostly I miss
How much you used to care
For me."

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

http://www.thehungersite.com

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2000-11-17 04:35 PM

a beautifully written piece

Your style in writing is different, but it made a lot of sense. thanks for the read

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

7 posted 2000-11-18 04:40 PM

Good Work.... I think we have all felt like that before. I hope it all gets worked out.

"Guess I'm not smart, I let you un-nerve me, I let you control me; afraid the truth would hurt me, when it's you that hurts me more." TLC

hoppy
Member

since 2000-01-27

Posts 271

8 posted 2000-11-18 08:02 PM

very good....i enjoyed that far too much

i like your style too...breaks up the normal boring sing songy ryhme

keep it up

Swift as a shadow, short as any dream;
Brief as the lightning in the collied night,
That in a spleen unfolds both heaven and earth,
And ere a ma

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

9 posted 2000-11-19 03:59 PM

Rhiannon-
   This is really good!
   Excellent free-verse and
   I have to agree with LoveBug...
   the 'sun' metaphor is wonderful.
   I'm looking forward to reading
   lots more from you.

   -vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his
heart, you have not truely met the poet."
-vlraynes

wayoutwalt
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)

10 posted 2000-11-19 09:03 PM

Yes, I like the poetic fact of longing so aptly conveyed in this wonderful poem. YUH!

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