»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #3
»
The Could Have Been
| Teen Poetry #3 |
|
The Could Have Been |
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico 
|
The Could Have Been: Wings a blaze throughout the sky. A cob webb past starts to cry. Faded lust of used to be's. Desert island without any trees. Lonely boat through sea of void. Innocense lost, the life I toyed. Lucky clock, it's ticking way. She never knew and went astray. Wedding cake of could have been. Simple light with fancy trim. Childrens laughter never mine. She stole my heart, my heart devine.  "I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust." I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
curlygurly Member
since 2000-09-12
Posts 276USA |
This was a great poem, using your style of course. I really like the way you write cuz it adds something different to forum. great poem!  Curlz "So many tears i've cried, so much pain inside" -Lenny Kravitz |
||
|
Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey. Loved it. I'd say more...but I got issues. See ya.. ~Carly Forever has ended, and never came too soon... |
||
|
Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Dopey~This is a good piece as always...But it seems like you are jumping from one thing to another...I dont really understand what the beginning has to do with this...Could you please fill me in??? I dont want to guess what it is and be wrong cuz I dont know... ~*Love is sometimes like a rose. Beautiful in the beginning but dies in the end.*~ |
||
|
Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Well I actually got this one. I'm so proud of me Good job on it, but I don't like the feeling from it that you're stuck in things from the past. But good writing."Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!! |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
OK so Erin asked me what the first part had to do with the rest of the poem so i'll explain a bit..... Wings a blaze throughout the sky.= Referring to angel wings on fire. Basically meaning that God and his workers are burning in flames within the hell i was currently in. A cob web past starts to cry.= The cob webs are basically a symbol of things that are scary, right? Yea so it's basically saying that my scary, frightening past starts to cry. Faded lust of used to be's.= See I was in love with my girlfriend and she left me. I just replaced love for LUST and said it was fading. So....lust is lesser than love when it all comes down to it...and even that is fading showing you just how meaningless what she felt for me was.....used to be's is just the past. Desert island without any trees.= This line gives a barren waste land of nothingness mood. It leads onto the next stanza as you see with the "lonely boat through sea of void".....so the transition flows well, at least i think so. You asked for only asked what the beginning has to do with this and what it does is it uses the style of symbolism, as the whole poem does, to lead up to the main message of the poem which is the COULD HAVE BEEN.....the USED TO BE's....the fact that my love stole my future and what i could have had with her. so there you go!!! "I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust." I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
*bump* For erin in case she missed the explanation she requested. "I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust." I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
||
|
Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
I read your poem of course that's why I'm replying hehe duh anywho I loved it tremedously and understood it, I love how you write not sure if I ever mentioned that before or not but I perhaps sound like a broken record but atleast I got my point across eh? well keep it up, brings some joy to my miserable life.. Love, Kris |
||
|
Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Thanks for helping me out Dopey!!! ~*Love is sometimes like a rose. Beautiful in the beginning but dies in the end.*~ |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
"Lucky clock, it's ticking way. She never knew and went astray." I love this line. I fell exactly the same way. You are good. thanks for sharing Dopes I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
||
|
silvrduck Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146 |
Dopey- I really, really liked this poem.. mainly because i can actually relate to it personally in my own way. Btw, I'm new here and I really look forward to reading more of your poems! This one was great |
||
|
sweetstuff101 Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375OK, USA |
that was excellent! i liked it a lot!! "Lonely boat through sea of void. Innocense lost, the life I toyed." great work, keep writing!! Luv, Sweetstuff ~*~GoOd fRiEnDz ArE hArD 2 FiNd, HaRdEr 2 LeAvE, & iMpOsSiBlE 2 fOrGeT~*~tHe HaRdEsT tHiNg tO Do iS wAtCh tHe 1 U LuV, lUv sUm1 eLsE~*~ |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
