The Battle That They Can't See

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kari
Member

since 1999-10-03

Posts 104
Hyde Park, Ut, USA

0 posted 2000-10-07 04:55 PM

Quickly it strikes
Unsoundly
Twice to our lungs
Patiently yet oh so
Efficiently
It hammers at a home
Being ripped apart
While we continue to wait
Dumbstruk
Helpless
the beauty of darkness
Is harnessed
And taken away
And we-
Enveloped in our heartache
Live our lives
Like we're not really here
It's the absense
That opens up the doors to
Creativity & Lonliness
Unexpectedly a soul was shared
And I watched with awe
Mouth wide open
Tasting the salt
Admiring the will I never had
Which wholly reflected
The son
Rolling
I'd like to thank you
For carrying the baggage
Beneathe their eyes

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

1 posted 2000-10-07 05:49 PM

I like this poem, it's very well done. I don't know if I've read any of your poems before, so I'll say hi and I hope to see you post more!

I like this part of the peom a lot:
"Like we're not really here
It's the absense
That opens up the doors to
Creativity & Lonliness"

sweetstuff101
Member

since 2000-07-27

Posts 375
OK, USA

2 posted 2000-10-07 06:28 PM

great job! I liked that. keep writing!

~*~SweetStuff~*~

~*~ YeStErDaY iS tHe PaSt, 2mOrRoW iS ThE fUtUrE, ToDaY iS a GiFt, ThAt'S wHy We CaLl iT ThE pReSeNt. ~*~

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

3 posted 2000-10-07 07:21 PM

This so far is the best one I've read today

I am really loving this poem. What a talented writer!!! keep up the good work

"It's the absense
That opens up the doors to
Creativity & Lonliness"

Simply magnificent!!! You deserve a standing ovation

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2000-10-08 01:00 AM

Great job, the poem rocked. Hope to see more!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

5 posted 2000-10-08 10:14 PM

I am not sure I grasped this piece in it's entirety but it was a great read. Thankyou for sharing.

Vball Chickie1624
Member

since 2000-05-14

Posts 116
New York

6 posted 2000-10-08 10:31 PM

great poem, i loved it. very well written!

keep writing and have fun

love
Danielle

"I Told Him I Loved Him and the feelings were mutual...He Loved Himself too."

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