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Teen Poetry #3
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Torn
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Torn |
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jytree Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 336omaha ark usa |
Torn, Living a life, Wanting a wife, Growing old, Digging a hole, Jumping in the hole, Now your dead, Let love ones place stuff on you head, You die from being torn apart by so many things, Work, Money, Greed, Love, Lust, School, Life, We life, WE die, We here life sweet luylaby, For we are dead now no return, We become fertlizer but no consern, Because if come back, We will be a lylack, Torn part by so many thing, it is time to free yourself before you come back a bush or flower. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Michael Jay vaughn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
This was good...But I noticed something in this part that didnt sound right... We life, WE die I think that it should be we live, we die...It doesnt sound right with the word life...But thats just my opinion... Keep up the good work... p.s.~~~I want to come back as a tiger...Not a bush or a tree...LOL *Falling in love is when you give someone a piece of your heart, falling out of love is when the piece doesnt fit* |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
I liked this one...but i do have to agree with Erin. Live works better. anyways, you did well with this one- you told a truth that is sometimes overlooked. Keep up the good work.  Love Always~*~Jessica~*~ ~*~sMiLe! It MaKeS yOuR bUtT ShInE~*~ |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Wow, impressive! It's good, really. I like the format too. Great, well keep it up, hasta luego Bel Beautiful is empty Beautiful is free Beautiful loves no one Beautiful stripped me -"Beautiful" CREED |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Whoa! Lovin' this piece, Michael. There is so much truth in it. We all do eventually become fertalizer and have a meaningless piece of conrete put on our heads. What for? We are dead! Bah... Anyway, thanks for sharing. ~AF~ "Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier |
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