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Suga_Baby
Member

since 2000-08-06

Posts 380
Maine, USA

0 posted 2000-09-17 12:35 PM

The Rain Poured Down

The wood is placed;
A match is lit,
The flame starts out so small.

The fire spreads,
Gaining heat and strength;
Now the flame burns hot and tall.

It consumes everything,
And dances with joy;
Until the rain begins to fall.

It pelts the flame,
And smothers it,
Until the fire is nothing at all.

Now the smoke has cleared;
Left is a pile of ash to start anew.
Our fire has burned, the rain poured down,
And I am nearly over you.

Ok so I KNOW that the last stanza doesn't fit but that is what I had to do to get the point of the poem in there. Please let me know what you think!

[This message has been edited by Suga_Baby (edited 09-17-2000).]

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2000-09-17 12:51 PM

I think the poem flows just fine. It doesn't matter if the last stanza "doesn't fit" for you, but it did for me. I liked it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Suga_Baby
Member

since 2000-08-06

Posts 380
Maine, USA

2 posted 2000-09-17 05:15 PM

Thanx Dopey_Dope!!

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

3 posted 2000-09-17 06:05 PM

Well of course the last stanza fits! It's a direct contrast with the above stanzas, that's what makes this poem so cool!!! I loved it. I could see the fire and the rain..nice work again.

~Carly

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.

Erin
Member Elite

since 2000-06-15

Posts 2527
~Chicago~

4 posted 2000-09-17 07:04 PM

I think that this poem is great!!!The last line fits perfectly...It sounds like you are putting out the fire to a love that you once had...Making it clear that it is over...A job well done...

~*If I was to die & could be 1 thing I would be a tear born in your eyes live on your cheeks and die on your lips*~

~sugarpie313~
Member

since 2000-09-14

Posts 375
Maine, USA

5 posted 2000-09-17 09:38 PM

hey chick it's Val!!

I like this poem it kicks arse! hehehe see ya tuesday!! buh bye

Love,
Val

UNC STAR
Member

since 2000-06-19

Posts 67
Hinesville,Ga,USA

6 posted 2000-09-17 11:29 PM

That was really nice and original.

What ever happens so let it happen unlees you don't want it to happen.

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