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Love of Adonai
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Love of Adonai |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
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Hey peeps. I don't want to offend anyone here that is not Christian or believe in God, all right? I just wrote a poem and want critique. So whatever your beliefs.....well, here's the poem. Dark night, Cold stares. Hard hearts, Hate flares. Man walks Chin high. Deep breath, Heavy sigh. Doesn't stumble Steady strides. Beggars cry, Hypocrite hides. Man kneels, Arms apart. Children come, Softened hearts. Students taught, Lessons learned. Miracles seen, Hope returned. On knees Man prays. Master weeps; No other way. Whip flys, Awesome pain. Flesh tears, Despair reigns. Man lifts, Cross risen. Man carries, Shame given. Distance traveled, Man lifted. Nails driven, Muscles shifted. Sun covered, Sky is black. Man's love pours, Hate lacks. All quiet; No sound. Man lost, Saviour found. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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HaVoK Junior Member
since 2000-09-06
Posts 31DETROIT, MI |
I like not only the style you wrote that in...But the poem in general... It's really tight and the choices of words are GREAT... Faith and faith alone...  |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This is a beautiful piece! I'm so glad that you know our God. This is a beautiful tribute to the sacrifices He made. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Keep up the great work! PS- Don't think I'm stupid, but what does "Adonai" mean? Does it mean "God" or "Jesus" in another language? Just wondering! |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey well thanks for your replies!! And Love Bug, Adonai means Lord. Don't think I'd think you were stupud for knot knowing! Not many people do! Thanks again. I was hopin for more replies on this one but oh well. Maybe it's cuz I haven't been able to post on other people's work. I'll try to do that!! ~Carly |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey well thanks for your replies!! And Love Bug, Adonai means Lord. Don't think I'd think you were stupud for knot knowing! Not many people do! Thanks again. I was hopin for more replies on this one but oh well. Maybe it's cuz I haven't been able to post on other people's work. I'll try to do that!! ~Carly Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I liked how you captured this in words, thanks for sharing the poem and message |
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Ender Member
since 1999-12-08
Posts 200Yuma, AZ USA |
You did an awsome job at this. I love the subject. Keep up the good work! *Blonde people are normal. Everyone else is just strange. -Ender* |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Child~~~This is really good!!! Man lifts, Cross risen. Man carries, Shame given. Wow!!!This was a really good part...Keep up the good work...I look forward to seeing more work by you!!! ~*If I was to die & could be 1 thing I would be a tear born in your eyes live on your cheeks and die on your lips*~ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This poem kicked so much ass. Besides the fact that i am completely religious within my very own self.......even if i wasnt i would have liked it a LOT. This poem speaks to me in a way unknown. Makes me happy to believe in what i do. Seriously....you did great cutie pie! KEEP IT UP HUNEY BUNEY! Haha!  |
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