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Teen Poetry #3
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mr0001
Junior Member
since 2000-06-09
Posts 39


0 posted 2000-06-12 01:24 AM


i give you nearly all of me
in hopes that you'll love me
it doesn't bother me anymore
you are just like all the rest

i don't know what makes me think
that giving you what you want
will in the end make me happy
you just use me up and then go

but i don't blame you,
i use you too.
if i didn't want it,
i would stop.

this is the safest way for me
no emotion - no affection
all the lust and hormones
are my love, your love, our love.

we are no better than that.
you don't love me, i don't love you,
we don't even know each other
but this will have to do for now.

one day i'll find somebody, somebody
that doesn't care about the lust
and the hormones, but will teach me
what real love is, and you'll be long gone.

© Copyright 2000 mr0001 - All Rights Reserved
Novacaine For The Soul
Member
since 2000-05-26
Posts 122
New Orleans
1 posted 2000-06-12 02:55 AM


dear mr:
     this is sad, but too often true in today's teenage world... i'd love to give you more of a critique, but i know next to nothing about what makes good free-verse, so i wont try to disect it any farther than the meaning  

sincerely,
a sad tomato

 you're such a beautiful freak... i wish there were more just like you...

LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

2 posted 2000-06-12 12:08 PM


This is so true, and I'm glad that you can see this relationship for what it really is, before you give this person more than you already have. Good writing.

PS-Welcome to passions!

 "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde

mickel2995
Junior Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 48

3 posted 2000-06-12 05:58 PM


First good post!  Your free writing is good and still makes sense. Nice work!!  Micale
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
4 posted 2007-11-17 01:57 PM


Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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