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Dark Poetry #2

White Trash

BitterSmoke
Member

since 2001-01-02

Posts 54

0 posted 2001-01-04 04:26 PM

  I met a woman at a bar.
  She was 23 years old.
  She had a exhusband and kids.
  Her exhusband "jimmy" was an loser.
  She carried a handgun in her car.

  We sat on a park bench and cryed that night.

  I cryed because I was talking to white trash.
  She cryed because she was at a bar, 1:30 am on a    wensday talking to me.

HiddenSparklez
Member

since 2000-12-29

Posts 190
British Columbia, Canada

1 posted 2001-01-04 05:34 PM

Very interesting, maybe you could elborate more on maybe "white trash". Other than that, maybe you could extent on the feelings felt between you and the woman on the park bench. Keep working at it!

a-alibaster
Member

since 2000-01-08

Posts 392

2 posted 2001-01-04 07:02 PM

I think the idea behind this is wonderful...every day things that can and do happen. I agree with the above statement though, just need to tell a bit more of the story here...tell why she be white trash (or why you think that) and why you are in the bar.
This sort of reminds me of the way a song I like very much is written...Don't know your age, but if you can find the song, you might see what I mean. It is called "never say never" by Romeo Void. Not saying you will like the music just will understand what I ment by it reminding me of your style here.
Until...ali

"There is an alter ego which
dwells in every soul..."
a-alibaster

"I am as I am, nothing more, nothing less,
I am tears of pain, tears of Death.

BitterSmoke
Member

since 2001-01-02

Posts 54

3 posted 2001-01-04 08:13 PM

Thanks for your comments I appretiate the honest feedback.

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