navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #2 » Broken Ties
Dark Poetry #2
Post A Reply Post New Topic Broken Ties Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
baerlon
Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 197
Youngstown and East Liverpool, Ohio, USA

0 posted 2000-12-20 03:54 AM



My steps are the same
Forward I go, yet here I remain
My sprit is lifted
Only to be coerced forever in silence
As second hand ticks forward
My mentality falls back
I allow everyone to see Shangri-la and wonderland
Yet every thing within my view is Sheol and Pain
I never wanted to become this way
But in reality I never wanted to be any way
There are shadows of hope
Until the light scares it away
Which is why, day after day my steps are the same
Forward I go, yet here I remain


There's a peace inside us all
Let it be your friend
It will help you carry on
In the end
There's a peace inside us all
-Creed

© Copyright 2000 Jason M. Mays - All Rights Reserved
Cerenity
Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637
Escondido-California
1 posted 2000-12-20 09:39 AM


Hi Baerlon,

This is very good, and I can understand what you mean by putting on a kind of show outwardly, but inword you stand still in your unhappy world, the lines,

There are shadows of hope
Until the light scares it away
Forward I go, yet here I remain,

are very good, thank you for sharing this one I really liked it and wish you the very best.

Love, Cerenity



"God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist.
We have to be reminded that He exist!"

(Writer Unknown)



dragonpoe
Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608
Palm Bay, Florida
2 posted 2000-12-20 10:59 AM


A very good piece, enjoyed the read.

With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free..
dragonpoe

Swamp¤Faeryie
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393
fairyland....of course;)
3 posted 2000-12-20 01:52 PM


really liked this one,it was very well written,those first few lines are really eye catchers. Sometimes when i don't like the first few lines of a poem,i just don't read it,this one kept me interested.Great work!!

samantha


"All art is an expression of pain."~John Lennon

firecrakker
Member
since 2000-10-20
Posts 235
Virginia
4 posted 2000-12-20 02:56 PM


wow... I really liked this one. It took a few to sink in, but when it did, your words had quite an impact.  Very well written.

Sheila

baerlon
Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 197
Youngstown and East Liverpool, Ohio, USA
5 posted 2000-12-20 05:14 PM


Thanks all your words are kind.  I write to relieve the stress and you people are great support.

There's a peace inside us all
Let it be your friend
It will help you carry on
In the end
There's a peace inside us all
-Creed

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #2 » Broken Ties

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary