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Second Prize "Winner
| Dark Poetry #2 |
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Second Prize "Winner |
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rascalx Senior Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 590Florence, SC, USA 
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Given the rather "harsh" nature of this poem, I hadn't planned on posting it to the forum. But what can I say? I'm proud of it, despite the subject matter. So pardon my attitude and enjoy, my friends!  )******* on her leash pretender to my throne sink your teeth in fast when she throws you a bone lap dog at her feet but always the mangy cur you can’t fake your pedigree wearing stolen fur second string player trying to hog the glory your picture is on the cover but you didn’t write the story love’s leftover you’re the sloppy seconds sirloin may sustain her but filet mignon still beckons backburner boyfriend the prince who would be king lip synching to the lyrics that only I can sing so enjoy your fifteen minutes you know that it won’t last you still live in the present but she’ll always live in the past |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jeff Osborne - All Rights Reserved | |||
Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Jeff. . . you have no idea how much I can relate to this one. . . Now, if only I could say it like you have. . . Great one. . . full of power. . . ----------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow like sven said, tons of power. I really liked this one a lot. A great read! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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rascalx Senior Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 590Florence, SC, USA |
Sven, Thank you for the compliments; I'm sorry that you can relate to what I'm feeling, though. ) Noone should have to go through this emotional turmoil. I'm glad I was able to get it out through my writing. At the risk of sounding melodramatic, losing her love hurts like hell; knowing she is loving another is a stab to the heart; but watching her give her love to someone who doesn't come close to giving her what she really wants is killing me.Dopey_Dope, Love the user name! (Yo!, It's "dope"! sorry, couldn't resist lol) Thanks for reading and commenting; I'm glad you enjoyed it. |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
Interesting perspective. |
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rascalx Senior Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 590Florence, SC, USA |
Tara, lol! I wouldn't call it a perspective; merely an opinion. Keep in mind, I posted this because of the quality of the poem, not because I am proud of having my moments of genuinely crappy moods. ) I'm a writer first, so I have to be proud of my work. I hope we are not reduced to "one liner" comments on each other's poems just because I choose to air my frustrations. Take care |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
As you can imagine, I have quite a few things to say about the subject matter of this particular poem. Most of which don't belong in this, or any, forum. I'll be talking with you soon. That aside, I am glad to see that you are still writing. I've always thought you to be a talented writer. It's a shame that you should use your talents to put down a person you've never met. Take me as I am or watch me as I go |
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dragonpoe Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608Palm Bay, Florida |
cool. very raw. Enjoyed it. With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free.. dragonpoe |
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ChainedAngel Member
since 2000-01-07
Posts 55tx |
I had to read over this piece quite a few times to absorb the many different symbols of the pain you have expressed in your writing. "love’s leftover you’re the sloppy seconds" I had to laugh a little when I read this. Very creative. Take Care, CA There is a dream inside a dream. I'm wide awake the more I sleep. You'll understand when I'm dead - B. Warner |
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rascalx Senior Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 590Florence, SC, USA |
Tara, Again I must emphasize two points that I have tried to make very clear: 1) I only posted this poem on the basis of its merits as a POEM! I am proud of the manner in which it was written, not the sentiment that I have expressed. However, I am entitled to my opinion, much like everyone else. And as the saying goes, "opinions are like a--holes, everyone has one and they all stink!" ) I admit that I wrote this poem while in a particularly nasty mood, and that it is harsh and to some extent unfair. 2) I have said and will say one more time, I DO NOT KNOW him and have NO idea what he is like. I am sure he is a wonderful person in his own right. This poem is not so much a dig at him as much as it is my belief that what you and I had cannot be replaced or surpassed by him. I could very well be wrong and if so, I wish the two of you nothing but happiness. Enuff said!; and I apologize to the forum for making such a personal statement here btu I felt it was necessary to clarify my position. dragonpoe, Glad you liked it and yes, it is very raw. I think that is what makes it a powerful poem. Sometimes we poets write our best stuff when we let our emotions have free reign over our pen. Thank you. )Chained Angel, Interesting username! ) Thank you for your compliments. I have been accused in the past of "beating metaphors to death" in my poems. I almost threw this one away because I thought I had overdone it, but the imagery fits the emotions I am trying to convey so I kept it. - Jeff |
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Zyell Member
since 2000-07-28
Posts 121USA |
this is an interesting piece, fresh in the approach, you should be proud! *S* Z "I am an abstract of Circles" |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
I enjoyed reading these they reminded me on the Burma Shave signs along the highways in the 50's. May your highway of life, take you to a better State. [This message has been edited by Songbird (edited 12-09-2000).] |
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rascalx Senior Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 590Florence, SC, USA |
Zyell, Some would say that I was too "fresh" with my approach lol. But I am proud of it just the same. Thank you. Songbird, What a great metaphor! Thank you. ) I love to drive and I am always looking for roadtrips that will give me the chance to take the road less travelled. One day, I hope that I will find that road that takes me to my "state of happiness and fulfillment".- Jeff |
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