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Dark Poetry #2
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Illusion In My Eye
| Dark Poetry #2 |
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Illusion In My Eye |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Watch it all fall down as the curtains are pulled back The beginning of the end has fallen into the mirror, so foggy standing before you and still your hands are frozen They're coming with their guns and their knives to bring the rain and thunder down upon me, blowing in and sinking in upon my eyes While amongst all the honey and petals the silence screams in my ears Cutting me down and forbidding her song Fading away for lack of a better reason to stay, no words left for her mind Just simply existing although she left a long time ago, the string was just too short But there's always a rainbow painted across the black sky even as it rumbles Feeling her crash, blending into the red When I fall into this illusion, never to wake from the eternal tear in my soul < !signature--> Listen to your heart for it knows the way even when you don't. ~*Angel of Darkness*~ [This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 06-12-2000).] |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
hmmm. I'm not quite sure what's going on in this one. I'm a bit confused about who the poem is about. Someone who's lost the will to live and is leading a shadow existence? Great atmosphere, though, even if I'm too dim to follow! Lotharingia "For God's sake, he's a poet. Poets are meant to feel miserable. Otherwise, what the hell are they here for? What are they going to write about?" Tom Holland |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
I must agree with lotharingia here, the poem lacks some clarity or focus point, I know this is not Critical Analysis so I will shut up about that. On the plus side you have some wonderful and atmospheric images, The beginning of the end has fallen into the mirror, so foggy standing before you and still your hands are frozen blowing in and sinking in upon my eyes While amongst all the honest and petals the silence screams in my ears Cutting me down and forbidding her song But there's always a rainbow painted across the black sky even as it rumbles Feeling her crash, blending into the red When I fall into this illusion, never to wake from the eternal tear in my soul I really enjoyed reading this poem, and I believe it would an excellent piece with some slight refinement, I hope you do not think I am being too arrogant here, just my thoughts.  < !signature--> ------------------------ "Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time". Baltimore Grotto "To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." E.E Cummings. manic street preachers "Culture Alienation Borebom and Despair" "I know I believe in nothing but it is my nothing" -faster MSP "And you see, I kind of shiver to conformity Did you see, the way I cower to authority, you see And my life, it's a series of compromises anyway It's a sham, and I'm conditioned to accept it all, you see" six by Paul Draper. ----- [This message has been edited by brian madden (edited 06-11-2000).] |
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gothicmoth Member
since 2000-06-05
Posts 89 |
Wow. I love the third stanza. It set off my "me" bells. I had to read it a few times through and I think it is the pronouns that might be throwing people off. The way I saw it was that the first and third stanzas are spoken by someone watching. Maybe they're omniscient, maybe they're not. The second stanza I saw as being spoken by the person with the frozen hands in front of the mirror. The "her" at the end of the second stanza and the "she" that stanza 3 seems to be about, I took as the same entity; the third in this poem. Perhaps she is another omniscient being or another mortal very close to the person in front of the mirror. The last stanza makes me believe the mortal has wronged her somehow because of the "eternal tear" in their soul. Which I find to be a beautiful phrase. "Illusion" brings back the mirror from stanza 1 to wrap the poem up nicely and bringing in the title. It also brings to mind that maybe this purgatory is self-created and that there is hope because the mortal can still see rainbows. As Brian said, this is not Critical Analysis and my reply isn't meant to be anything of the kind. They are merely my feelings as I read this poem through and through as I'm finding myself in front of a mirror similar to this. I may be totally off the mark, but it made for a wonderful read. This is an excellent piece and I agree with the others in that it has a lot of "atmosphere." |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
I'm sorry for not making it clear as to who it was that I was talking about. But it was just me....I often refer to myself as her or she in poems. In a way it's just seeing myself through the eyes of another and yet still understanding since the eyes are my own. I don't mind the criticizm...it could probably do me some good. But I'd have to say that gothicmoth was right. Thank you all very, very much for your replies. D.E. Listen to your heart for it knows the way even when you don't. ~*Angel of Darkness*~ |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
I have to admit that I suspected that the person you were talking about was the same one throughout the poem, but I wasn't sure. I don't think there's anything "wrong" with this, it actually adds to the poem's atmosphere, making it seem like the person in question doesn't really know who they are. (I'm not saying you don't, that's just the effect the piece has on me). People sometimes tell me that I talk about myself as though I'm someone else, BTW. I say there's nothing wrong with that, keeps you ticking over objectively!  Lotharingia "For God's sake, he's a poet. Poets are meant to feel miserable. Otherwise, what the hell are they here for? What are they going to write about?" Tom Holland |
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gothicmoth Member
since 2000-06-05
Posts 89 |
Seeing yourself through the eyes of another. If only more people could do that. I, myself, have trouble with it. Keep up the great work! [This message has been edited by gothicmoth (edited 06-12-2000).] |
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Necro Draconis Member
since 2000-05-19
Posts 115 |
I liked it It was a way of describing how you feel, with out directly stating it.Let nature guide your soul. Follow the path that nature gives. |
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Joel the wolf Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 1333Angels Camp |
very illusive indeed, I have fallen into illusions like this before. with frozen hands. great writing brain food. Joel I howl a mournful song, that echos within my chambered heart, for all to read? nay for all to feel. |
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DosPeros Junior Member
since 2000-05-09
Posts 40 |
Quite moving. |
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ChibiDeathscythe Member
since 2000-06-09
Posts 128 |
I loved it! Beautiful. Fading away for lack of a better reason to stay, that part really caught me. "Suicides have already betrayed the body. Still born, they don't always die, bu dazzled, they can't forget a drug so sweet that even children would look on and smile." -- "Wanting to Die" by Anne Sexton Adversity Builds character. - Japanese Proverb "'Even a fool has one talent'.....darn, I'm not even a fool." - My sister, the master of cunning wit |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Thanks a bunch you guys (and gals)! Listen to your heart for it knows the way even when you don't. ~*Angel of Darkness*~ "So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No, the big moments are gonna come...you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you really are. You'll see what I mean..." -Whistler *+Daughter of Darkness+* |
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AVANTI Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 664INDIA/MAHARASHTRA/PUNE |
D.E heloo how are you? this is very painful but beautifully written i loved the end... great work!!! If all was light...then I would have never learnt the dark...from which such truth evolves from which evolves the light... Avanti Rao |
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Broken Member
since 2000-03-12
Posts 271The woods |
You know even though I don't reply to all of your poems I still read them, and I must say I'm rarely disapointed (if ever). And I don't write or post as often as I used to, that's why I haven't been visiting the "Passion" site as much as before. Anyway I'd just like to say that I kinda, in a way...loved this poem, it's close to my heart. Still love you D.E ~Broken~ De profundis clamo ad te Domine! |
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Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
i loved it. but you can understand it better then i. but i do get my own ideas from that and it makes me think thanks. I'm the lord, I'm the havoc, I'm the soul |
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