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Dark Poetry #2
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MY FIRST POEM< please tell me what do u think
| Dark Poetry #2 |
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MY FIRST POEM< please tell me what do u think |
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mustlove_mstleave New Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 8 |
Surrender My melancholy is not unique It plays a tune with rhythms Most common and meek But a monster is ready to leap When the harp shatters and the strings bleed With tearful eyes I turn to the sky For that day not to come by I can stand a groan, I can stand an amorous lack Even a tearing sob I can gulp back But I cant stand your eyes Baring me, searching for sighs I cant stand your tips feeling my lips For my heart throbs and my veins totter When you clasp me to your chest, mine so tender Tasting my neck, cushioning my very figure The monster then will be released, but as a sinner Derided by desire, driven by hunger Not to linger Only then my tune won’t be any longer A common glimmer Hummed by a meek chanter It’s when I can no longer resist Alas, I’m afraid I would surrender |
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DJLI Member
since 2000-06-21
Posts 237TN, USA |
beautiful...you have a wonderful talent, and you've come to the perfect place to share it...I can't wait to read more from you...keep it up  EVEN ANGELS FALL. |
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DJLI Member
since 2000-06-21
Posts 237TN, USA |
oops...I forgot...Welcome to Passions EVEN ANGELS FALL. |
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MiseryDivine Member
since 2000-06-13
Posts 114Chicago! en america...oh lala! i wish i lived in England.....(sigh) |
hey! very very kewls....i likes! i wanna see another one! hehe! ~MiSeRyDivine~~ |
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beowulf_26 Member
since 1999-06-29
Posts 183 |
great start. If this is any indication of the road ahead, I'd say you have a very satisfying future ahead. You have honesty and genuineness about your writing and a full command of the language. Good luck! |
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Lynne Dale Member
since 2000-07-18
Posts 114Melbourne Victoria |
Wow. All I can say if this is your first, keep on writing the world needs poets like you. Welcome to Dark Passions Kethry Kethry. When dark of night steals your soul. Think of me and be made whole. |
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Deborah1 Senior Member
since 2000-06-22
Posts 653New Hampshire |
Welcome to DP!!! I found this to be extrodinary writing, hope to see many more!!!! The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose...--Hada Bejar |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Hi, welcome from me too, and I love the poem. Very touching and well written. Know those feelings well catalinamoon Practice can make anything perfect...even grief can become an art. Merrit Malloy |
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Ginners Member
since 2000-07-22
Posts 339Mullica Hill, New Jersey |
For your first poem that was very very well written, even it it wasn't your first it would still be very well written, good job keep it up i am looking forward to it "There is no always forever-just this-R.Smith broken glass never cuts the way it should-Gin |
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Deranger Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498Somewhere, between here and there |
Skill is not judged by repeat performances, number one is as fine as number two or three. Welcome to Dark Passions and good job on your first poem, i hope it wont be your last. ---------------------- Spreading insanity, one post at a time |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
That first one's the hardest. You did quite well. From here you can only grow...look forward to more from you. If I were to give you advice, I'd say: write from your heart and soul, then work on readability with your head to get continuity and flow. Good piece - and welcome to Passions. jwesley [This message has been edited by jwesley (edited 07-30-2000).] |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Welcome to Passions. Here, you will find an outlet for growth, caring and sharing and a whole bunch of friendship. Poets who love the craft. This is your first poem ever? Let me give you some suggestions and encouragement if I may! Continue the emotions, let them out as you did in this one, don't worry about the rhyme, if it doesn't want to, let it tell YOU. Concentrate more on what you feel as you did here, and let us know what you're trying to say in a story form, rhyming is wonderful, but every poem tells a story. Poetry is practise, and if this is your first you have a great start. Sometimes I write one, then I go back and think it needs improving, sometimes not. The worst critic is ourselves. Here, at passions you will receive encouragement, support and if you really want a critique there's the critique forum. Great start. Keep writing. Kathleen |
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DeathTrippy Junior Member
since 2000-07-15
Posts 45WY USA |
Welcome from me as well. I am in agreement with the others. Your poem was wonderful, and I can't wait to read more of your work. DeathTrippy |
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Dark_kisses_Within Senior Member
since 2000-03-21
Posts 680Kansas |
Welcome to Dark Passions!!  Kathleen sumed it up the best I think. (Great Job Irish Rose  )Great first post and yes, keep the emotions flowing. We Vent alot here also (snickering) Peace DkW Once there was a darkness Deep and endless night You gave me everything you had Ahhhhhh you gave me light |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Welcome!!! With writings such as these I KNOW you've found a home and family here in Dark. Beautiful way of explaining, I loved it.. I can relate well too I'll tell you this...... No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn..... ~Isis~ (Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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