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Dark Poetry #2
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In The Past
| Dark Poetry #2 |
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In The Past |
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ChibiDeathscythe Member
since 2000-06-09
Posts 128 |
Probably one of my worst recent works. But oh well. I wrote it today after something happened that really upset me. I'd like to give the juicy details (haha) but I would bore you with my unintelligible ramblings. hehe. In these words simple and few I'll tell you just what I think of you I think that you are decievingly scared of living this way blind and unprepared I know that you think you have it all but this mirage won't last until you fall and then you'll look for something new or until something finally finds you and I know you'll be happy for now its just what you do that makes me wonder how you ever thought that this would last but think again IT'S IN THE PAST "Suicides have already betrayed the body. Still born, they don't always die, bu dazzled, they can't forget a drug so sweet that even children would |
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| © Copyright 2000 Mary K. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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taramw Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 738 |
Woah! This is a really powerful poem. Words have escaped me... all I can say is it's great  |
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Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
this is a great poem. it seems to be about a girlfriend or boyfriend problem and if it is I can relate o to We'll. I'm the lord, I'm the havoc, I'm the soul |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
I like your short lines. I wouldn't worry if it sucks. I've written some pretty bad stuff here too. But I've always believed that poetry is the searching of the soul, and not the act of impressing somebody. We are the hollow men We are the stuffed men Leaning together Headpiece filled with straw. Alas! Our dried voices, when We whisper together Are quiet and meaningless As wind in dry grass Or rats' feet over broken glass In our dry cellar Shape without form, shade without color, Paralyzed force, gesture without motion; --T.S. Eliot |
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Joel the wolf Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 1333Angels Camp |
Well that’s telling'um! they seem to live in a self important world, and only seem to think of themselves. When I need to tell someone off I'll think of this. hahaha Thanks for the inspiration. Joel. I howl a mournful song, that echos within my chambered heart, for all to read? nay for all to feel. |
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gothicmoth Member
since 2000-06-05
Posts 89 |
This is different than your other writing, but that doesn't mean it "sucks." The rhythm conveys the emotion of the speaker and the situation. I've always believed that poems write themselves and some things are better expressed in one form than another. Which is why sometimes I rhyme. I doubt this poem would have the same effect if you tried to cram it into a sonnet. |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
any poem that is from the heart is not bad unless it not spoken hoensty. and you have spoken your mind clearly here. really enjoyed the poem, the format works well. I think that you are decievingly scared of living this way blind and unprepared I know that you think you have it all but this mirage won't ------------------------ "Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time". Baltimore Grotto "To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." E.E Cummings. "Art is a lie which makes us realise the truth." Pablo Picasso "We Irish are too poetical to be poets, we are a nation of brilliant failures" Oscar Wilde ----- |
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ChibiDeathscythe Member
since 2000-06-09
Posts 128 |
Thanks for all the replies!  I think my poem conveyed exactly what I was feeling in this case, because all your replies were right on the mark! "Suicides have already betrayed the body. Still born, they don't always die, bu dazzled, they can't forget a drug so sweet that even children would |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Just stepping in line to also say that this poem seems straight from within...and that makes it perfect. Well done. That's a pretty powerful message you have written. Take care. *Peace. |
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