|Voices on the Web|
|on a cloudy day..|
since 2000-07-03Posts 41
miami, fl, u.s
i wish i could take away the pain...but i can't
the tears...but i can't
the stuggle ...but i can't
i wish i could erase the past...but i can't
move on..but i can't
i feel stucked in this place
i've seen myself screaming for help but no one seems to listen
as if i'm not loud enough...
like i haven't been hurt enough
sometimes i feel like there's so much to do ...
but i can't seem to do anything
is like some gravitational force has taken over my soul,
unabeling me to move,
or even touch.....
i called this cloudy day cuz i wrote it one day it was raining reall bad...so i think i just let the weather get to me..
thanks for reading,
|© Copyright 2000 meyleen - All Rights Reserved|
since 1999-08-22Posts 22648
Hi Buttercup, welcome to Passions! I can relate to this poem very well. I'm sure most of us have felt like this on more than one occassion. Just a few suggestions: In the first line of your second verse, I would change 'stucked' to stuck; in the third verse, third line, I would change 'is' to 'it's' and in the next line I would change 'unabeling' to 'not permitting'. Also, I would delete the last three lines which are just an explantation and not really a part of the poem. Last, I would go into the edit function and select the 'book submission' option, since you have posted it in this forum! I like your poem very much!
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