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on a cloudy day..
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on a cloudy day.. |
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buttercup411 Junior Member
since 2000-07-03
Posts 41miami, fl, u.s |
i wish i could take away the pain...but i can't the tears...but i can't the stuggle ...but i can't i wish i could erase the past...but i can't move on..but i can't i feel stucked in this place i've seen myself screaming for help but no one seems to listen as if i'm not loud enough... like i haven't been hurt enough sometimes i feel like there's so much to do ... but i can't seem to do anything is like some gravitational force has taken over my soul, unabeling me to move, feel, or even touch..... @~+*"*%$#~"+*)&^$#~"+@#&(_ i called this cloudy day cuz i wrote it one day it was raining reall bad...so i think i just let the weather get to me.. thanks for reading, love.... buttercup |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Hi Buttercup, welcome to Passions! I can relate to this poem very well. I'm sure most of us have felt like this on more than one occassion. Just a few suggestions: In the first line of your second verse, I would change 'stucked' to stuck; in the third verse, third line, I would change 'is' to 'it's' and in the next line I would change 'unabeling' to 'not permitting'. Also, I would delete the last three lines which are just an explantation and not really a part of the poem. Last, I would go into the edit function and select the 'book submission' option, since you have posted it in this forum! I like your poem very much!  Denise |
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