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on a cloudy day..

buttercup411
Junior Member

since 2000-07-03

Posts 41
miami, fl, u.s

0 posted 2000-07-05 01:08 PM

i wish i could take away the pain...but i can't
the tears...but i can't
the stuggle ...but i can't
i wish i could erase the past...but i can't
move on..but i can't

i feel stucked in this place
i've seen myself screaming for help but no one seems to listen
as if i'm not loud enough...
like i haven't been hurt enough

sometimes i feel like there's so much to do ...
but i can't seem to do anything
is like some gravitational force has taken over my soul,
unabeling me to move,
feel,
or even touch.....

@~+*"*%$#~"+*)&^$#~"+@#&(_
i called this cloudy day cuz i wrote it one day it was raining reall bad...so i think i just let the weather get to me..

thanks for reading,
love....
buttercup

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

1 posted 2000-07-05 08:57 PM

Hi Buttercup, welcome to Passions! I can relate to this poem very well. I'm sure most of us have felt like this on more than one occassion. Just a few suggestions: In the first line of your second verse, I would change 'stucked' to stuck; in the third verse, third line, I would change 'is' to 'it's' and in the next line I would change 'unabeling' to 'not permitting'. Also, I would delete the last three lines which are just an explantation and not really a part of the poem. Last, I would go into the edit function and select the 'book submission' option, since you have posted it in this forum! I like your poem very much!

Denise

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