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Open Poetry #9
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Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion

0 posted 2000-09-16 07:09 PM


The Coastal Train

Anxiety mounting at a maddening pace
Reason, no hopes of sustaining.
Feel the pinch of my wet shoes,
No overcoat, though it’s raining.
Humming the “Umb” in umbrella,
Mantra for October winds waning.

In my hands your storm soaked letter
Lines streaked in inky blood.
Gutters clogged by gathering leaves
Cause obsidian streets to flood.
Cold in clinging clothes, my makeup runs
Click of heels softened by mud.

You said to meet at the platform,
You were going back home at nine.
Traffic in grid patterned slow motion,
Running fifteen blocks to be on time.
Prayer to above, don’t let it be too late
To say what is in this heart of mine.

You asked me to marry you on the thirteenth
A Friday, superstitions don’t haunt your dreams.
If I didn’t respond, you would be gone,
The mail was late, governmental schemes.
Daylight comes to an unsettled close,
Beneath gas lamps the charcoal train gleams.

Her whistle wails a lonesome farewell
As dusk settles, men all look the same.
Searching for you with vision blurred
I see you scanning the throng in the rain.
You can’t hear me over the din,
A whisper in the crowd, your name.

Determined to climb three slippery stairs
No ticket to board, a dreadful mess.
Sitting there, your head turned away,
Body language in clear distress.
Place my cold wet hand upon yours
Freed of the need to suppress.

Everything else disappears
Realism is this lasting kiss,
Disembarking while the train departs
Our old lives cease to exist.
In search of a church with midnight mass
Two lovers headed for wedded bliss.

© 2000 Corinne Bailey




[This message has been edited by Corinne (edited 09-16-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Corinne - All Rights Reserved
Wilfred Yeats
Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704
Wilmington, Delaware
1 posted 2000-09-16 07:56 PM


i love happy endings -
but most tickled by
"As dusk settles, men all look the same,"
great poem Corinne

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
2 posted 2000-09-16 08:26 PM


Corinne, wow an amazing poem, great use of language so realistic... WOW.. excellent poem.  

The softest thing in the world Will overcome the hardest.Non-being can enter where there is no space". Taoist saying


Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
3 posted 2000-09-16 10:30 PM


Thanks, Wilfred, couldn't decide whether to have a happy or sad ending, but hey, aren't there already enough sad ones?

Thank you kindly, Brian!  

Corinne

Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
4 posted 2000-09-16 10:35 PM


WOW!   I simply loved this! The anticipation and distress showed clearly and had me just praying for a good ending.  


Nothing can deter a poet, for he is actuated by pure love. Who can predict his comings and goings? "Thoreau"


Parker
Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129
ON
5 posted 2000-09-17 01:13 AM


Corinne, loved it, just loved it...
I think I get choked up by these happy endings... er, I mean I got dusk in my manly eye's.  

Bravo again on this.

Park

Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
6 posted 2000-09-18 03:17 PM


Thank you, Park, love those happy endings, too.

Thank you, Temptress!

corinne

LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
7 posted 2000-09-18 03:35 PM


Sweet Corinne - You chose the ending well.  Only happy endings give us hope... and an uplifting sense of wellness.  I'm glad you wrote this poem.  I'm glad I can say that.  Wonderful use of similes.  I loved them all, but especially,

Gutters clogged by gathering leaves
Cause obsidian streets to flood.

Rain in the fall evening, with dim lights reflecting from the pave, an older train station, with large trees around the station house, a coolness in the air - all of that in those two lines... wonderful!

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
8 posted 2000-09-18 04:15 PM


Bowing to your excellence and your decision to make it a happy ending.  Wonderfully done.
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