»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #9
»
A result of your 'Goodbye' breaths - Another BLOCK of words
| Open Poetry #9 |
|
A result of your 'Goodbye' breaths - Another BLOCK of words |
|
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium 
|
A result of your 'Goodbye' breaths! A plethora of tunes, blitz by fast, Like wild horses - raw and untamed; A typhoon of weep, in violent storm As riotous flies - soiled in shame! Mournful laments, sing in sad tunes Needless reminders of bygone years, Figments of skin, remorsefully shed In a wither, looting all but tears! Autumn brings on chilly frostbites, Pinching a body that had grown cold Loneliness inviting its own fright, Scars of past winters, growing old. Today hurting yesterdays ever more- Sadness prolonged, in pined throes, Awaiting, in an ever-spanning frame Biding its time, to fade away slow. Tho' life is doing the best it can- Patience's now in a hastened death, Mirrors keep changing the outlooks- A result of your 'Goodbye' breaths! ~ This one is an attempt to introduce rhyming scheme also... please tell if this worked out right... Thanks... |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Sudhir - This is a masterpiece of simile! Outstanding! This is really really good. I love the way you slammed that ending in there. Great writing, Sudhir. Simply great! |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I like your blocks of words sudhir, and especially this one, wonderfully expressed, and I admire your ability to experiment with so much success. Well done, M'friend! |
||
|
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Wonderfully descriptive Sudhir! How on earth did you get all these amazing words packed into such a neat little bundle??? Really well done, much enjoyed!  Best wishes, /Kit |
||
|
brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Third read and each time it hits harder, Sudhir this is absolutely fantastic. WOW, I am putting this in my library needs further reading... "I have penned epitaphs on snow, and written my legacy in dust." self quote. |
||
|
Jaysun C Member
since 2000-07-20
Posts 56 |
Sudhir- This poem make me feel sad, It has a good flow to it though. Excelent title =)(= |
||
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
O Sir Sailorman, you really have pumped up my ego here.. wow ... what kind words... Thank you so much... O Serene One, I am glad you like the blocks... Thanks so much... This form I first saw in one of Christopher's poems... since then this is my third attempt with this form... I juts think the form likes me as well as much as I like it...  Kit, I am amazed at this loveliest of responses from you... Thank you so very much brian, WOW, thats a very huge honour, my friend... Thanks a lot... Jaysun, I am glad that I found you here... Thanks... regards, sudhir |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Sudhir, Sudhir...this is a masterpiece!! Very well done, my friend...must read again..thank you! |
||
|
Dee Member Elite
since 2000-08-19
Posts 2330Queensland, Australia |
Sudhir, as usual your poetry intrigues me. This is wonderful. Dee |
||
|
Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
enjoyed muchly. very well written. |
||
|
linda munday Member
since 2000-06-17
Posts 315Adelaide, Australia |
Sudhir, What is it that attracts me to your poetry? You seem to capture in words the essence of life and love and sometimes pain in such an intriguing way. You're a talented man Take care, Linda Munday. |
||
|
CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
hi SUDIR, I really haven't more 2 add that hasn't been echoed already but to let you know that I have found this poem of your's to be impressive and the style is unique... You have a talent with pen in hand that is soooo amazing... Regards, Dani |
||
|
tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Sudhir~ A wonderful piece as usual and one that I enjoyed. I think you did well Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Sudhir~ My ! The depths you go to in such an artful way. This is just exquisite in rhyming form and presentation ... yes, it becomes you and it sure as heck likes me ! You've so much talent, my friend. I'm so pleasured to find each of your pieces stretching you in your poetic growth. Phenomenal ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
||
|
Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Sudhir, this is aurally and visually magnificent. Well up to your usual standard and I too like the rhyme on you "It is the image in the mind that links us to lost treasures; but it is the loss that shapes the image, gathers the flowers weaves the garland."- |
||
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Martie, you are very kind... Thanks Dee, Thank you for coming by... Mike, I am glad that you enjoyed... Linda, Thank you so much for your kind words of praise... Coco~, Your response is very amazing too... Thanks... Tracie, Thanks a huge bunch Marge, I am much pleasured and glad that you like this one... Thanks so much for the ever present words of praise... Kethry, Thank you so very much... regards to all, sudhir |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Loneliness inviting its own fright, I really enjoy your distinctive phrasing Suddy... this line rocks! Interesting format - very bold. Good effect here my friend. K"He looked across the silky surface of the Severn... it was a famously difficult river with fierce tides..." From Jack Maggs |
||
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Kamla, Thank you so much... for reading and for picking a line that stood out as per your eyes... always a treat to see you in a thread started by me, my friend... regards, sudhir |
||
|
Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
From sadness your pen finds power in it's shaft. Wonderful read my friend and such a compact but lovely Block of words. |
||
|
Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Sudhir, dear, this certainly "worked"! The "block" format is interesting, but what I savoured the most is the impact of the discourse. Your meter and rhyme are entrancing here, the language engrossing. A lovely reading experience, my friend. ~ Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
||
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Mark, I am ever so thankful for your lovely words here... Claire, That's a mighty heavy compliment... Thanks so much... regards, sudhir. |
||
|
Cuddlez Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 422Walla Walla, WA 99362 |
...............OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...........AAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.....WWWWWWWWOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW Thats all Im going to say  ).Time flies? Say it not so, time stays we go. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
