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Open Poetry #9
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Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

0 posted 2000-09-13 12:24 PM



A result of your 'Goodbye' breaths!

A plethora of tunes, blitz by fast,
Like wild horses - raw and untamed;
A typhoon of weep, in violent storm
As riotous flies - soiled in shame!
Mournful laments, sing in sad tunes
Needless reminders of bygone years,
Figments of skin, remorsefully shed
In a wither, looting all but tears!
Autumn brings on chilly frostbites,
Pinching a body that had grown cold
Loneliness inviting its own fright,
Scars of past winters, growing old.
Today hurting yesterdays ever more-
Sadness prolonged, in pined throes,
Awaiting, in an ever-spanning frame
Biding its time, to fade away slow.
Tho' life is doing the best it can-
Patience's now in a hastened death,
Mirrors keep changing the outlooks-
A result of your 'Goodbye' breaths!

~
This one is an attempt to introduce rhyming scheme also... please tell if this worked out right... Thanks...

© Copyright 2000 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
1 posted 2000-09-13 12:33 PM


Sudhir - This is a masterpiece of simile!  Outstanding!  This is really really good.  I love the way you slammed that ending in there.  Great writing, Sudhir.  Simply great!
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

2 posted 2000-09-13 01:00 PM


I like your blocks of words sudhir, and especially this one, wonderfully expressed, and I admire your ability to experiment with so much success.  Well done, M'friend!
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
3 posted 2000-09-13 01:24 PM


Wonderfully descriptive Sudhir! How on earth did you get all these amazing words packed into such a neat little bundle??? Really well done, much enjoyed!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
4 posted 2000-09-13 03:36 PM


Third read and each time it hits harder, Sudhir this is absolutely fantastic. WOW, I am putting this in my library needs further reading...  

"I have penned epitaphs on snow, and written my legacy in dust." self quote.


Jaysun C
Member
since 2000-07-20
Posts 56

5 posted 2000-09-13 03:46 PM


Sudhir-
   This poem make me feel sad, It has a good flow to it though. Excelent title
=)(=

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
6 posted 2000-09-13 04:30 PM


O Sir Sailorman, you really have pumped up my ego here.. wow ... what kind words... Thank you so much...

O Serene One, I am glad you like the blocks... Thanks so much... This form I first saw in one of Christopher's poems... since then this is my third attempt with this form... I juts think the form likes me as well as much as I like it...  

Kit, I am amazed at this loveliest of responses from you... Thank you so very much

brian, WOW, thats a very huge honour, my friend... Thanks a lot...

Jaysun, I am glad that I found you here... Thanks...

regards,
sudhir

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
7 posted 2000-09-13 05:15 PM


Sudhir, Sudhir...this is a masterpiece!!  Very well done, my friend...must read again..thank you!
Dee
Member Elite
since 2000-08-19
Posts 2330
Queensland, Australia
8 posted 2000-09-13 05:41 PM


Sudhir, as usual your poetry intrigues me. This is wonderful.
Dee

Mike
Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462

9 posted 2000-09-13 06:38 PM


enjoyed muchly. very well written.
linda munday
Member
since 2000-06-17
Posts 315
Adelaide, Australia
10 posted 2000-09-13 07:47 PM


Sudhir,
What is it that attracts me to your poetry?
You seem to capture in words the essence of life and love and sometimes pain in such an intriguing way.
You're a talented man  
Take care,
Linda Munday.

CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

11 posted 2000-09-14 02:21 AM


hi SUDIR,

I really haven't more 2 add that hasn't been echoed already but to let you know that I have found this poem of your's to be impressive and the style is unique...

You have a talent with pen in hand that is soooo amazing...

Regards,
Dani

tracie66
Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia
12 posted 2000-09-14 03:34 AM


Sudhir~
A wonderful piece as usual and one that I enjoyed. I think you did well  
Tracie~


Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe


Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
13 posted 2000-09-14 03:55 AM


Sudhir~
My !  The depths you go to in such an artful way.

This is just exquisite in rhyming form and presentation ... yes, it becomes you and it
sure as heck likes me !  

You've so much talent, my friend.
I'm so pleasured to find each of your pieces
stretching you in your poetic growth.
Phenomenal !
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com



Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
14 posted 2000-09-14 05:35 AM


Sudhir,
this is aurally and visually magnificent. Well up to your usual standard and I too like the rhyme on you  


"It is the image in the mind that links us to lost treasures;
but it is the loss that shapes the image,
gathers the flowers weaves the garland."-

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
15 posted 2000-09-14 08:03 AM


Martie, you are very kind... Thanks

Dee, Thank you for coming by...

Mike, I am glad that you enjoyed...

Linda, Thank you so much for your kind words of praise...

Coco~, Your response is very amazing too... Thanks...

Tracie, Thanks a huge bunch

Marge, I am much pleasured and glad that you like this one... Thanks so much for the ever present words of praise...

Kethry, Thank you so very much...

regards to all,
sudhir

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

16 posted 2000-09-14 08:04 AM


Loneliness inviting its own fright,

I really enjoy your distinctive phrasing Suddy...
this line rocks!

Interesting format - very bold. Good effect here my friend.

K

"He looked across the
silky surface of the Severn...
it was a famously difficult
river with fierce tides..."


From Jack Maggs


Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
17 posted 2000-09-14 11:57 AM


Kamla,

Thank you so much...

for reading and for picking a line that stood out as per your eyes...

always a treat to see you in a thread started by me, my friend...  

regards,
sudhir

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
18 posted 2000-09-14 12:49 PM


From sadness your pen finds power in it's shaft.  Wonderful read my friend and such a compact but lovely Block of words.
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

19 posted 2000-09-14 02:32 PM


Sudhir, dear, this certainly "worked"! The "block" format is interesting, but what I savoured the most is the impact of the discourse. Your meter and rhyme are entrancing here, the language engrossing. A lovely reading experience, my friend.  

~ Claire

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau


Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
20 posted 2000-09-15 01:20 PM


Mark, I am ever so thankful for your lovely words here...

Claire, That's a mighty heavy compliment... Thanks so much...

regards,
sudhir.

Cuddlez
Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 422
Walla Walla, WA 99362
21 posted 2000-09-15 03:04 PM


...............OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...........AAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.....WWWWWWWWOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW
Thats all Im going to say ).

Time flies? Say it not so, time stays we go.

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