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Open Poetry #9
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Don't Ever Marry an Aussie.......translator required
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Don't Ever Marry an Aussie.......translator required |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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My grandma was a wise old gal with common sense to spare. Her words were pearls of wisdom she was always glad to share. There was a thing she always said a thousand times or two "Don't ever wed an Aussie if you know what's good for you." Well, many years have long since passed since grandma up and died. Upset by failed romance, I took a mail-order bride. As I touched down in Sydney, grandma's words came into view "Don't ever wed an Aussie if you know what's good for you." Gee. How bad could it be, I thought, to get hitched to an Aussie? Did grandma mean those Queenlanders might be a little bossy? No worries, mate. She was a beauty and I was quite sure Regardless of what grandma meant, our love would endure. Those Aussie gals are beauties, boys. To that I can attest. One look at that sweet loving face brought passion to my breast. Her memory seemed to falter, though, which seemed a little queer... She called me Alf and Wally though my name is Balladeer!!! She said we'd have some breakky soon - now what the hell were those? And asked if I liked snag and bum nuts...."Uh, ok.....I suppose." I told her I liked apricots and I thought she would choke! She said she didn't realize I was that kind of bloke!!! She cracked the tinnies right and left. It got to be quite funny All those times that she had to leave me, running for the dunny. She asked if I wanted to have a Barney on the spot... A little purple dinosaur? Uh, gee, I'd rather not. Nighttime finally came. She smiled and said she'd come back quick And I would really like it when I saw her in the nick. I said ok but I considered it to be out of the norm For her to go get dressed up in some Christmas uniform! Well, she came back and she looked great and - let me tell you, cousin, My heart was beating faster, going nineteen to the dozen. She said we would be making love the way Australians do (Requiring both participants to be part kangaroo!) Hey, grandma, you were right, old girl. Your words ring loud and true "Don't ever wed an Aussie if you know what's good for you." Next time before I pick a bride, I need to find a real land Where women never spit the dummy - how about New Zealand???? [This message has been edited by Balladeer (edited 09-23-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
ROFL!! Severn run for the hills! DA translate please! LOL this was good 'deer.' |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
ROFL  My sides will be splitting more too after I understand all of this! Translation please!Denise |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
ROTFLMAOPRDML I know a host of Aussie lingo - but you left me baffled with many of these - translate please! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, I was hoping I could get an Australian verification of the terms first but this is what I have...... Wally and Alf are names you call not to bright or dumb people as a form of insult. breakky = breakfast snag = sausage bum nuts = eggs apricots = testicles cracking tinnies = opening beers Going to the dunny = to the toilet Have a Barney = argue in the nick = nude Nineteen to the dozen = going very fast Spit the dummy = lose temper Forgive me, Aussie buddies, if I got any of them wrong  [This message has been edited by Balladeer (11-20-2007 03:10 PM).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Errr... well.... um...... Hmm. Does anyone have ummm...a free plane ticket? I need to go to AUSTRALIA RIGHT NOW.... (I keep telling 'deer I am expecting him to come over in his big jet....yeah...didn't want to break the poor guy's heart.) Looks like the time has come...HELP! HELP! Get me out of here.... HELP!!!!!!!! (Sounds of scuffling as K hastily packs her bags...clothes are flying everywhere... then: silence...) "He looked across the silky surface of the Severn... it was a famously difficult river with fierce tides..." From Jack Maggs |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
ROFL.....oh this was great!!!!!! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
HANG ON, SEVERN!!! I'M COMING!!!  |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
A distant nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.... |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
Balladeer.......Boy are you in strife now!!!! The terms are right, but as for forgiveness, well it is obvious that you are not planning a visit down under for a while. I did love this though, well done!  "The heart and soul have no illusion of boundries when friendship is the quest" ~ My Angel. |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
'Deer - A great read - still laughing here. You sure let that lil scamp Kethry have it with both barrels. I'll bet this poem really put her in her place. She's probably completely humbled now heh heh - stir that pot, Long John... this surely will mean war between the Aussies and the Q-Tips. |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
ROFLMAO at you and your not so quiet batheing of Kethry. She will love it I am sure but I do believe there is going to be a new war on the front. Very eloquently done sir. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Is there no order in this place?? Deer, aren't you sposed to be setting the example around here?? Come to think of it, you are, aren't you???..  |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Balladeer~ I LOVE it ! Delightful play with our sweet, sweet Aussie friends. You'd better fuel up the plane ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Deer, at least she didn't ask you to lie doggo. Loved it, loved it, loved it, did I mention
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angelswing Senior Member
since 2000-02-10
Posts 705United Kingdom |
Oh dear Yankee and Aussie on one page - I'm out of hear old chaps, I'm going to hit the road and If I get nicked - someone pay the bail . please, and I'm going to have bangers for tea, befor getting starkers with the mis's Haha realy confused ya now . English translator  Old chaps - friends/mates . Hit the road - leave . Get nicked - put in jail/caught doing a crime .( preferably not naked ) . Bangers - sausages/weeners/snag . Tea - dinner/evening meal/late lunch/the equivelent to an evening BBQ, except without the sause . Starkers - nude/naked/without clothes on . Mis's -or- Her in doors- The wife . Great discussion and poem, best for a while . L.of.L. Tom . Don't try, do or do not, there is no try . - Master Yoda - |
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poutprincess Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735Perth, Western Australia, Australia |
hahahah....this is fantastic! ...i was told to watch out for these Aussies too and i got sucked right in!! "Steady as it comes, right down to you, I've said it all, so maybe we're a Bliss of another kind" Bliss-Tori Amos |
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
omg....I loved this, and the inspiration for a poem was born here too, ty ~H |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
The language of laughter transcends! *G* (Now I can blame you for wanting a Fosters! LOL) |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
loved it ha ha.. |
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Cuddlez Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 422Walla Walla, WA 99362 |
Very cute and I was really wondering until I saw the translations. Loved it )Time flies? Say it not so, time stays we go. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
ROFL, Hey Balladeer, you cracked me up with this one, Great humour matey!  |
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RSEvans Senior Member
since 1999-10-23
Posts 1147Tulsa, OK, USA |
I'm glad I got back in time not to miss this gem, ol pal bal...now..if you're sure you're through with her...send her my way... |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
hehe. Thanks to you all for joining in the fun and to the Aussies for showing their great sense of humor.Languages can indeed be fun....now I'm off to find out what lie doggo means. I have NO clue...!!!! Angelswing...I'm preferable to bangers myself  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Everyone already said it all...so thanks for the giggles... |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
G'day mate~ It's one of those wild Aussie chicks here what a crack up mate you had me in stitches so much so I dropped me tinnie then spat the dummy now I'm about to put another shrimp on the barbie, wish you were here Balladeer me mate we have a ball. Oh well see ya later mate Tracie (one hell of an Aussie chick) ......lol God that was terrible see what you made me do Balladeer P.S to all those who read Balladeers poem, don't believe everything you here.... Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Sunshine...always great to hear you giggle Tracy66...you make me wish I WERE there! Shrimp on the barbie and a wild Aussie lass cracking a tinnie....life is good!!!!!!! |
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Eilidh Junior Member
since 2000-08-27
Posts 30 |
Hooor Mate Be sweet ya sheila didn't give a rainbow yawn on th' shag and leave ya with a 3 foot dish-licker. Drag ya had buckley's of gettin' Nookie. Still coulda all gone down the gurgler. She coulda been troppo for th' red hots or an Urger and clean th' honey out ya sky rocket. (Ya know, pull a boat race.) Cooter Yarn but She'll be right mate. |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
'Deer to lie doggo= roll over and play dead. Now aren't you glad you asked. Eilidh, Great message, it'll be a while till he gets around to translating these.  'Deer you didn't correct twenty to the dozen it should be nineteen to the dozen.Twenty to the dozen just doesn't make sense Kethry "It is the image in the mind that links us to lost treasures; but it is the loss that shapes the image, gathers the flowers weaves the garland."- |
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Eilidh Junior Member
since 2000-08-27
Posts 30 |
translating? My message is as clear as mud! |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
ROFL! Wonderful and creative Balladeer! Thanks for the translations, or I fear I'd have been lost. I love your wit, my friend ... terrific read, and a wonderful flow! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Ann Member
since 2000-07-07
Posts 64Australia |
LOL. This was hilarious and i was splitting my sides with laughter reading it. However, im an aussie girl too and im not TOO sure about some of your references there mate! hehe. i really enjoyed reading this poem and i have to say some of your quotes there were fair dinkum right on the spot! great work!  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Eilidh....geesh!! Clear as mud seems like a good description! Thanks for sharing some of the local lingo Kethry...thanks for the definition. My ex-wife must have been Australian. She had the lie doggo down to a science  Kit...hehe. Thanks for the comment. Always good to see you smile Ann....thank you and welcome. I always try to be as fairly dinkum as possible!! Glad you enjoyed |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Giggles very good work Sir Balladeer!  Not all Aussie sheilas are quite this way mate!! At least I hope not! LOL Come on over here anytime hon, and we'll make an Aussie of you yet!! Thanks for the laugh hon *Friendship is a horizon - which expands whenever we approach it...* ~Isis~Goddess~~Sovereign of the Spirit~ |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
I am never disappointed when I visit you sir...thanks for the grande laugh |
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Dee Member Elite
since 2000-08-19
Posts 2330Queensland, Australia |
You little ripper, Balladeer. This one's a pearler. Luckily we Aussies have a sense of humour. Dee |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
This really should be reposted. It's too funny to languish in the archives. A |
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