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Open Poetry #9
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She is the oases freed
| Open Poetry #9 |
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She is the oases freed |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia 
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She feeds neon seasons surf of roses swelling into leaves piled into sneering eons of no end seen summer shapes shifting in tidal beaches' tender the sense of eros essenced in droning waves of crisp tomorrow chill red dress gleaming reef adorned adored a door the season of dreams melting summer's last rites past penchants pining in neon falling the fall wind winding each glimmer of yesterday sodden with noon's sun she falls to him in the deafening fade a blanket of eros erasing easing; ending fear safe soon she is the door the season the seed the oases freed [This message has been edited by Local Rebel (edited 09-05-2000).] |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Wow! Powerfully written Local Rebel! I really enjoyed the flow in this ... very nicely penned!  Best wishes, /Kit |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Just one question, if you please. How much do you charge for free verse lessons? In earnest, though, I admire your ability to do this so well. The scene literally comes alive within your words. ~ Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
ahhh she is the season.....*big sigh* this was beautiful.. ~Heather |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Hawk - You are indeed deep, and talentede. This is great free verse. *snapping fingers here* |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
this is awesome! almost anagramatic... (is that a word? hehe) some awed muse you must have! wow!!! i absolutely find this piece very very special... thank you... for sharing this [This message has been edited by doreen peri (edited 09-05-2000).] |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Rebel--I don't have the right words so I'll just say...WOW! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
talent that needs to be admired....so I do  Good work, reb.. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
what a way you have! i'm in awe |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Thankyou one and all... And Claire... I suppose free verse lessons should be free.. so here goes  f course anything I say is purely my opinion and technique. Whatever works for you and everyone else obviously works well.I start out with my main theme -- in this piece: People come into our lives and go out of our lives like seasons. Then I examine the metaphor I've chosen--here -- seasons, and anthropomorphise it by calling the season fall she. It is a layering technique though because she represents also a literal she, and I metaphorize her by describing her as fall. But she also represents all she's. Next, I encrypt the layers by using words that are not obvious -- what makes free verse poetry-- to me-- and not prose -- is the use of uncommon language and the encryption of words... in this case Fall/She both become, the neon season. Neon is such a powerful word and automatically conveys -- brilliance, color, vibrant, flashing imagery, and excitment... but She/Fall also are represented by Door, and Oases.... the passage of one season to another, the Oases of the Summer.. the coolness and shade after a long period of dry and heat --that's how I multi-layer and how I free verse. One other technique I use sometimes -- but not always is to anagram a phrase that captures the thought I want to express -- sometimes I'll use the phrase in the text -- sometimes not. In this case I didn't. After I anagram the phrase I'll pick and choose words and arrange them like magnetic poetry and leave myself the liberty of inserting any word I need as filler to complete an idea. The anagramatical effect results in wonderful alliteration and similar sounding, similar looking, words that don't necessarily, but could rhyme... So there ya go... free advice is always worth what you pay for it!! LoL.. Thanks again for the read all!! |
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