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Open Poetry #9
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Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia

0 posted 2000-09-05 05:35 PM

She feeds neon seasons
surf of roses
swelling into leaves
piled into sneering eons
of  no end seen

summer shapes shifting in
tidal beaches' tender
the sense of eros
essenced in droning
waves of crisp tomorrow chill

red dress gleaming
reef adorned
a door

the season of dreams
melting summer's last rites
past penchants
pining in


the fall wind
winding each glimmer
of yesterday sodden
with noon's sun

she falls to him
in the deafening fade
a blanket of eros

easing; ending fear


she is the door
the season
the seed
the oases freed

[This message has been edited by Local Rebel (edited 09-05-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Local Rebel - All Rights Reserved
Kit McCallum
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
1 posted 2000-09-05 06:09 PM

Wow! Powerfully written Local Rebel! I really enjoyed the flow in this ... very nicely penned!  

Best wishes,

Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

2 posted 2000-09-05 06:20 PM

Just one question, if you please. How much do you charge for free verse lessons?  

In earnest, though, I admire your ability to do this so well. The scene literally comes alive within your words.

~ Claire

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau

X Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521
3 posted 2000-09-05 06:33 PM

ahhh she is the season.....*big sigh* this was beautiful..

Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
4 posted 2000-09-05 07:02 PM

Hawk - You are indeed deep, and talentede.  This is great free verse.  *snapping fingers here*
doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
5 posted 2000-09-05 08:14 PM

this is awesome! almost anagramatic... (is that a word? hehe) some awed muse you must have! wow!!! i absolutely find this piece very very special... thank you... for sharing this  

[This message has been edited by doreen peri (edited 09-05-2000).]

Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
6 posted 2000-09-05 09:18 PM

Rebel--I don't have the right words so I'll just say...WOW!
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
7 posted 2000-09-05 10:36 PM

talent that needs to be I do  
Good work, reb..

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
8 posted 2000-09-06 12:11 PM

what a way you have! i'm in awe
Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia
9 posted 2000-09-06 10:01 AM

Thankyou one and all...

And Claire... I suppose free verse lessons should be free.. so here goes f course anything I say is purely my opinion and technique.  Whatever works for you and everyone else obviously works well.

I start out with my main theme -- in this piece: People come into our lives and go out of our lives like seasons.  Then I examine the metaphor I've chosen--here -- seasons, and anthropomorphise it by calling the season fall she.  It is a layering technique though because she represents also a literal she, and I metaphorize her by describing her as fall.  But she also represents all she's.  Next, I encrypt the layers by using words that are not obvious -- what makes free verse poetry-- to me-- and not prose -- is the use of uncommon language and the encryption of words... in this case Fall/She both become, the neon season. Neon is such a powerful word and automatically conveys -- brilliance, color, vibrant, flashing imagery, and excitment... but She/Fall also are represented by Door, and Oases.... the passage of one season to another, the Oases of the Summer.. the coolness and shade after a long period of dry and heat --that's how I multi-layer and how I free verse.

One other technique I use sometimes -- but not always is to anagram a phrase that captures the thought I want to express -- sometimes I'll use the phrase in the text -- sometimes not.  In this case I didn't.  After I anagram the phrase I'll pick and choose words and arrange them like magnetic poetry and leave myself the liberty of inserting any word I need as filler to complete an idea.  The anagramatical effect results in wonderful alliteration and similar sounding, similar looking, words that don't necessarily,  but could rhyme...

So there ya go... free advice is always worth what you pay for it!! LoL..

Thanks again for the read all!!  

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