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Open Poetry #9
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Clouds two
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Clouds two |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla 
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Clouds Two Muck and angry grey it eyed Crashing thunder each lightning ride. A world becloud of twisted rain. Insane and louder then a train. Like giant waves upon the sea. Sucking up a surge debris. Swilling all it touched and found And smashing it upon the ground. Screaming rage and rants employ Sounding sounds of raw destroy Frolicking down a devils path Displaying Satans aftermath. I watched it dance a frenzied gig Cavorting like a hog wild pig Disappeared in a moments view Born and gone in an inklings coup. I've never seen a storm so mad, Except maybe that once with dad. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
OMG...the storm was perfection...but the last line...OOOHHHHH wow...dad huh? |
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hsystems Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 319Murray, UT, USA |
Seymour - this is incredible, my friend! The striking imagery was on a par with Edgar Allen Poe (one of my favorites!) I was caught up and swept along by your verse - and brought to an abrupt standstill by the final stanza. I hope and pray that this was the "exception" and not the "rule" with your father...  Troy Beautiful, Thought-Provoking Poetry http://www.h-systems.net/p1.htm |
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ggrn3 Member
since 2000-08-17
Posts 433Nahunta Georgia U.S. |
Incredible poem. It flowed until the last verse. Suprising final stanza. Hope this was only a verse and not reality. Garfield |
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Gemini Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203Wisconsin, USA |
Very descriptive and chilling piece, I liked. |
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Auguste 
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
Seymour, This was GREAT! Michael |
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Saunni Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 1777West Virginia |
What an excellent, excellent poem! I loved it! Sauni Sauni :) Have you ever known the color grey when the nighttime finds you weak I have, I've walked that road each time; that's where my angel sleeps |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
born of sun's heat, humidity repleat mesmeric images rise off black concrete hissing under great rain's drop O the eye of the storm, great cyclop Seymour, someday, I will visit your well of inspiration and from it, be refreshed and re-inspired... Karilea When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
WOWED EVERMORE imagery perfect word selection perfect .... regards to you my friend, sudhir |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Paula, The last line poetic licence. hsystems, A very great compliment. ggrn3, Again poetic licence. Genini, Thank you for the like. Auguste, Thanks for the great. Sunni, What an excellent, excellent comment. Sunshine, The well is open, the drink is free. *L* Sudhir, Thank you my friend. |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Sir Tabin... Another wonderful cloud piece... I remember such storms over the Great Lakes when I was in Canada. And those last two lines... perfect! On those very few occassions when I really pissed off dad, he would use what I now call "The Voice of God." If ever there was the embodiment of Metronome... it's my pop!. Again, great read. Peace! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Very nicely done, Sy. By the way how is Isabel???? |
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
Hi Seymour, Nothing like a good, angry storm to clear the air. Ever notice how good the outdoors smells after a storm?? Nice writing here, my friend!~!< !signature--> Today is a gift.... That is why they call it 'the Present'! [This message has been edited by Sunny1 (edited 08-17-2000).] |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Amazing the impression that Dad can make on the young mind....great images Seymour you have this talent for making amazing lines of depth from the glean of the word fields. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Andrew, Really enjoy yor coments. Balladeer, You mean the poem wasn't clear? Sunny1, What you say is very true. ehtome, Always enjoy your comments. |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Seymour~ I loved the fury of the storm ... and the 'boomer' ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Marge, Love your comments. *L* |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
I agree with many of the remarks above, Mr Poe, and believe this is an extremely well written piece. You are the best Liz |
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JnR4eva Member
since 2000-08-07
Posts 377Bronx, NY |
this is terric  your two poems have reminded me sooooooo much of my favorite poem...both sides now from joni mitchell( but yours is elaborate in with clouds though)... she states in one stanza about clouds and how they are pleasant and then boom they are problems lol..i hope u have read it..if not i'll see what i can do....but once again remarkable job "my love is my motivation my love is my inspiration perception of this poem is your interpretation" -- me |
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JnR4eva Member
since 2000-08-07
Posts 377Bronx, NY |
I found the sample, it is a quote from.. Joni Mitchell's "BOTH SIDES, NOW" "Rows and floes of angle hair And ice cream castles in the air And feather canyons ev'rywhere I've looked at clouds that way But now they only block the sun They rain and snow on ev'ryone So many things I would have done But clouds got in my way I've looked at clouds from both sides now From up and down, and still somehow It's clouds illusions I recall I really don't know clouds at all ... " hope you enjoyed "my love is my motivation my love is my inspiration perception of this poem is your interpretation" -- me |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Elizabeth, And you are the loveliest. Love Sy JnK4eva, Poem by Joni Mitchell was wonderful thank you so much for all your time and effort. |
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