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Corazon
Senior Member

since 2000-02-02

Posts 1209

0 posted 2000-02-21 12:00 PM

she concentrated on the shadow
of the ceiling fan
as it crossed across his
forehead
because it was easier
to believe if she didn't
have to
look in his eyes

she lied her lies
to a love a world away on
the tangled world wide web
he lied his lies (usually)
sixty miles away...
the distance
yeilded them a grace
and granted acceptance
to the unbelief

the dust particles glinted
in the dying sun
above his head
I should probably dust that fan,
she mused...
as he finished sifting
through the last details
his fabrications
now indelibly locked
with her own

and the night seeped in
without a goodnight
kiss

[This message has been edited by Corazon (edited 02-21-2000).]

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

1 posted 2000-02-21 12:15 PM

Wow...your eye for detail in your poetry is amazing, the imagery simply paints the scene with utmost clarity...wonderful work

[This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 02-21-2000).]

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

2 posted 2000-02-21 12:20 PM

This is almost too good for me to notice the typos. (Which you're trying furiously to correct *G*)

I like this very much... the not paying attention says so much... the skipped kiss says the rest. *S*

Corazon
Senior Member

since 2000-02-02

Posts 1209

3 posted 2000-02-21 12:24 PM

thanks you two ruth's....and lol I was so mad when i left this morning I forgot my glasses....so feel free to point out any more typos...lol

Betty Gravitt
Member

since 1999-09-11

Posts 222
Georgia United States

4 posted 2000-02-21 12:26 PM

Corazon.. I agree with suthern, the skipped kiss ends this poetry beautifuly. Sad that a lot of nights end that way.

B Gravitt

RainbowGirl
Member Elite

since 1999-07-31

Posts 3023
United Kingdom

5 posted 2000-02-21 12:28 PM

HUSG

January Flowers
Member

since 2000-02-01

Posts 209
South Carolina

6 posted 2000-02-21 12:39 PM

I loved this!
I know this!
Blown away by your ability
to irradiate this "emptiness" in words.
Very good work, Corazon!

Raul Noriega
Junior Member

since 2000-02-12

Posts 11

7 posted 2000-02-21 12:45 PM

Just read "If I Want To." I also enjoyed this very much. I see two characters here who have seemingly surrendered to a bitter-sadness that is their relationship. Thought-provoking. Very nice!

Parker
Member Elite

since 2000-01-06

Posts 3129
ON

8 posted 2000-02-21 12:57 PM

Corazon, Absolutly perfect, and the last line could not have been any better.

Parker

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

9 posted 2000-02-21 04:45 PM

You are certainly a master of melancholy. This poem evokes many strong feelings. Thank you for writing it.

Corazon
Senior Member

since 2000-02-02

Posts 1209

10 posted 2000-02-21 05:57 PM

Betty Gravitt thanks, and yep, it is sad, specially when its all you got

RainbowGirl thanks for the hugs big HUSG back

January Flowers the "emptiness" yep, if you read that, then you do know...thankyou

Raul Noriega bitter sad....yep, you also read right

Haleyja, thank you parker

Balladeer "a master of melancholy" ...wow if I had chosen my life more carefully, I wouldn't have chosen melancholy to be the master of....sigh....but will accept your compliments and thanks

[This message has been edited by Corazon (edited 02-21-2000).]

devina
Member Elite

since 1999-10-28

Posts 3539
Cali

11 posted 2000-02-21 06:07 PM

Great detail with this one Cor!!! I loved the poem...but now you have me thinking about dusting MY ceiling fan...God knows how long that's been there!!! G*

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...

HelmutB
Senior Member

since 2000-01-06

Posts 964
Canada

12 posted 2000-02-21 06:32 PM

Do I see some sadness here
Do I feel someone is near
Well written and so full of motion
Without a kiss I set my notion
Well done

The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

13 posted 2000-02-21 06:39 PM

Wow.

What can I say?

Moving and eloquent - poignant too - well done to evoke such a range of emotions!< !signature-->

'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath

[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 02-21-2000).]

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