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A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #6 |
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remember my redhead friend when I was 5 |
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Chris Goodman Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 92Issaquah, Washington usa |
Chubby little one come over and play with my toes tickle my cheek with that freckled nose kiss my dainty with pink pink lips make me laugh with that red ball flame a mixture of love and play is something that holds so dear must i say i enjoy your tea sipping and smiling as we play footsie giggles and sunshine bring up my rose that grown anytime i feel froze in time and in body I lie down on the grass with hand in hand its time we collapse into each other like falling leaves we come up for one reason our reason to breath in the air as we catch a glimpse our future together is like an eclipse that hangs so brightly over our world only if only this last laughter would last forever young tender kiddies having fun together Blue Moon |
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| © Copyright 2000 Chris Goodman - All Rights Reserved | |||
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Hi, Chris. I enjoyed this. The only thing that kinda ... sticks with me in a not-as-good way is the imagery, which at least to me, at this hour, seems very sexual; the way you chose to describe things. Is that right for five years old? I dunno about that part, but I liked your wording and pacing nonetheless. maybe it's just me. Mike |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
ChrisG~ I love this. I can just see two little five year-olds cavorting and laughing and having great fun. Funny, it's something I also remember with my little sister and with my little brother. Redheads are a favorite of mine. Five and fabulously free of heart and spirit. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Chris Goodman Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 92Issaquah, Washington usa |
Do you ever remember just "playing" and being "free"? I think I do sometimes & everything as a child was very innocent and sometimes indecent. As children we learn to be embarrased for exploration & imagination, but as adults we are still unforgiven as ever. I wasn't setting a sexual tone for this particular piece however I was striving for pure feelings based on how we have feelings that never die. This red-head friend of mine I met in Witchita Kansas when my mother moved our family there (again) and this red-head friend was a little girl that told me she was flying to California to see family. She was only to be gone for two weeks. I waited by her door almost everyday. My mother told me her and her family weren't coming home because they had been killed by a train "this last laughter". Anyway, kind of sad. At that age I didn't really know what death meant, but she sure was a lot of fun as a kiddie. Chris< !signature--> Blue Moon [This message has been edited by Chris Goodman (edited 02-20-2000).] |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Chris, Didn't mean to offend, as I obviously did from reading your defensive response. I'm just saying some of the word choices are decidedly adult and don't reflect a five year old's mindset. Yes, I know about having fun. Even now, I refuse to take things for granted, and that's something a lot of people do all the time -- the adult equivalent of "fun" I guess. I don't want to ruin your tribute though, so let's just drop this whole thing. I still do like the poem. Mike |
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jbowie Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 135BANGOR (that OR) ME |
bsquirrel, don't worry chris would not take offense, he was just claering his message. Funny though chris, I had a redhead girl next door when I was seven who was killed in a car accident while on vacation. Hurt for a time, and I guess still sits there somewhere in my heart. nice job. James |
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