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Open Poetry #6
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Pirate's Perdition
| Open Poetry #6 |
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Pirate's Perdition |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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freedom beguiled- thrown into the murky depths of cerulean pools named death; beckoned, with muted proposals of gleaming's echo & whispers of rewards, richness of the hand; yet never realized that mountains of treasure's gold brings aught, save eternal foundering in seas tainted cerise and shadowed grey- an allusion of their tenebrous souls -*Hope the dream. ---*Wish the future. ------*Live the now. |
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| © Copyright 2000 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Magical! I love it.  |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I KNOW!!! |
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Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
I LOVE Pirates, always wanted to grow up to be one! Just bought several books about pirates for my school library...and I really enjoyed reading this delightful rainbow of language..good work Christopher! |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I KNOW that you KNOW that I LOVE this....  [This message has been edited by Nan (edited 02-16-2000).] |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
 AHOY ! THERE MATEY ! ME LIKES ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Well shiver me timbers!!! great job Chris  |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Aye matee. Me knows that you knows that Nan knows that we all know that I love this. I have noticed a definate pattern to your work lately my friend. I challange you to something completely different. Something structured to death. lol. I know you can write free verse magically. Anyone have a specific structured poem they would like to see Chris write? |
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JennyLee Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461Northwestern, NJ. |
Love it Captain Jenny |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
Marilyn, are you kidding? Structured poetry? Ack! DON'T LISTEN TO HER, CHRIS! Your free verse is absolutely divine, stick with it! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Simply enchanting, Christopher. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Like the way you put those words on paper, Christopher--tis grand! |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Ahoy matey! All hands put their hands together for another excellent poem by Chris! I'm liking your use of color, it is something I've never seen before and very cool. All ye seadogs to starboard! Chris and his ego are on the port side, and we're starting to capsize!< !signature--> A writer's soul is on paper etched. In flames I shall not be consumed, but reborn. -- Abrahm Simons [This message has been edited by Dusk Treader (edited 02-16-2000).] |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Aye young matey, an old sea tale told wonderfully, pass the rum and hoist the Jolly Rodger. Wonderful tale Chris Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
And he paints yet another colorful portrait, so beautifully! Corinne |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Alright, now who's the real show off here? Me thinks it might be you ya know. Great reding here, Chris. Take it from one who's caught in that "eternal foundering" you speak so eloquently of. michael |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Geesh...methinks me would have to have a dictionary handy if ever we spoke in person! LOL I almost always have to dig one up when reading your bountifully spoken work! This one is really cool, as it speaks volumes of my pathetic life!  ** I'm reaching for the brightest star I've ever seen - knock my ladder out from under me, and you'll wish you hadn't !! -pFF ** Here's to 2000! |
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blueyz75 Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 138IL |
When does the ship leave port! I'm ready to sail! Kelly I love the male body, it's better designed than the male mind.---Andrea Newman |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Chris, aren't we colorful lately? Enjoyed this one cap'in! <*\\\>< There's only two ways you can go... One way you can save your riches, And the other will save your soul. Rich Mullins |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
My my -- looks like someone's thesaurus has been seeing heavy usage! LOL Seriously, my friend, I did like this quite a bit, but I did have a few suggestions that might help to clarify the message ... In lines four and 5, you speak of "murky depths/of cerulean pools ..." These two adjectives (murky and cerulean) seem to contradict one another; cerulean is in fact a vivid sky blue, a color which fits not at all with the concept of murkiness. Perhaps this was an intentional juxtaposition, but if not, I would consider eliminating either the one or the other. In line 16, your usage of "aught" to mean "nothing," though it is technically correct (I know this cause I'm one of those people who reads dictionaries for fun -- LOL), it carries with it the connotation of the more common usage of "aught," which is "anything." This could throw the average reader off to some extent -- I'm ashamed to admit it, but it gave me pause until I realized that the word could be used as its own opposite. OK, next: IMHO, (  ) you would do better in replacing "allusion" (line 23) with "illusion," or else change "of" to "to" (an allusion to ...), since allusion is a reference to something, not really a thing in itself. Otherwise, this was an excellent piece (it sounds like such stuff and nonsense after I spent three paragraphs critiquing, doesn't it?). Truthfully, the "problems" I named were minor, and will be (if you choose to do so) easily corrected to yield a most original and eloquent poem. Crossing my fingers and hoping we're still friends, --Me< !signature--> Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest [This message has been edited by Skyfyre (edited 02-16-2000).] |
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