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Open Poetry #6
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My Hamlet
| Open Poetry #6 |
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My Hamlet |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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And yet another translation of V. Vysotsky. Just briefly, I’ll explain myself in verse, To tell you everything-- I do not have the might. I was conceived, the proper way, in curse, -- In sweat and tenseness of the wedding night. I knew, when separating from the earth. — The higher, the more harsh we got. I walked towards the throne that I deserved And acted like an heir in line of blood. I knew that everything would be just as I ruled. And I was never at a loss and never down. My mates of sword and those I knew from school Were loyal, like their fathers to the crown. I never gave my speech a bit of thought Into the wind, I threw my words without essence-- Like to a leader, trust to me was brought By noble and high-ranking adolescents. We made the guards feel restless in the night, From us, like from a pox, the time grew worse. I slept on leather; ate right off the knife-- With sirrups disciplined my wild, unruly horse. “Long live the King!” I’d hear my people cry And since my birth, I’ve worn that noble mark. Around chased harnesses, I would get high, Abuse of books and words I’d to disregard I’d smile with my lips while being pestered. My mystic stare, which used to burn in fury, I’ve learned to hide, raised by a happy jester. And now the jester’s dead: “Amen!” Poor Yurik. And yet I disapproved of any sharing— Of gains, rewards and privileges one has. Then suddenly about life I’ve started caring And rode around the sprouts of grass, And I forgot the hunter’s thrill and passion, Began to hate the grayhounds and the steeds. And sped my horse away from all the action, I whipped the huntsmen to support my creed. I watched our games with every single night Turn more and more into disgrace of time And by the flowing rivers, I would hide And wash myself from staining filth and slime I started to perceive, while growing duller, I even missed my household’s affair. Towards the people of this era I grew colder, I’ve hid myself in books and lost all care. My brain, for wisdom, greedy like a spider, Grasped everything: and immobility and motion. But what is wit when one cannot apply it? When all around there’s an opposing notion? With friends I torn the tread and I was free-- The thread of Ariadne was but a scheme. I pondered on the words “to be or not to be,” A problem with no answer as it seemed. The sea of grief was splashing in diffusion We stood against it; we were sieving grain, And filtering the blurry resolution To a dilemma, which appeared inane. I heard my father’s call when clamor stopped, Walked forth, -- while lurking doubts gloomed. The weight of heavy thoughts would pull me up And wings of flesh would drag me to my tomb. Into a weak alloy, I’ve melted with each day, And barely cool, it’s started to diffuse. Like others, I’ve spilled blood and just like they I was incapable my vengeance to refuse. The rising before death -- was my collapse! Ophilia! My dear, I won’t decay... With killing, I have made myself, perhaps, An equal to one with whom I lay. I’m Hamlet, I despised injustice and abuse! I did not give a damn about the crown! But in their eyes, I hungered fame and I’m acused Of sending rivals of the throne into the ground. The striking splash appears as an illusion. And death through birth emerges from a side And we’re still asking a complex solution Not finding the question to abide. [This message has been edited by Master (edited 02-12-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Wow, this was amazing -- it's wonderful how you were able to preserve so much of the rhyme in a translation! Thoroughly enjoyed here!  --Kess Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
How do you do this? Have you done all Shakespeare's works? |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Skyfyre, thank you, to me the flow and the rhyme of the poem is the most imporntant thing in translating. However I must admit that the original was much better. PoetdeVine, I haven't done all of Shakespeare's works, but he is one of my favorites. I love his sonnets as well as his plays, especially Hamlet and Macbeth. Thank you |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Beautiful as always, Master! Denise |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thank you Denise! |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Excellent... excellent... and yet again excellent! Well done, indeed! I would only suggest reading it aloud a time or two to tighten up on the syntax. ONly in a couple of places, seems to me, it was a tad bit awkward in regards to the flow of it. It is minor. Only a couple of places. You have a winner here. Congratulations and thank you for the read! -dp |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
First of all thank you, thank you and thank you. I'm working on it to give it a better flow, any suggestions where and how??? |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Hi Master .... ummmm..... feel like posting it in Critical Analysis? If you post it there, I'd love to stop by and comment on particular lines that tripped me up in regards to the meter and flow. There's not many....only a few. CA is the place for it, though, from what I hear. Thanks! Looking forward to talking to you about it. I have seen your name but haven't been around as much as I would like in order to get to know your poetry... and I'm sorry for that... glad to meet you and hope to read more. You are clearly a poet with talent and perception.  dp |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Again thank you DP, and I will post it is CA right away! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I read your work all the time, although i don't reply often. Every time I read it, i just feel like shutting the hell up. I always sigh to myself and think: The master has spoken. Why o why o why can't I do this? |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
WOW, what a compliment! I could never respond as nice as you do! lol Thank you! |
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