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Heartbreak in Realtime (Pt. 1 & Pt. 2)
| Open Poetry #6 |
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Heartbreak in Realtime (Pt. 1 & Pt. 2) |
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sirreen Junior Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 19OR, USA |
Heartbreak in Realtime--Pt. 1 In the morning I can hardly stand to be around you After a night spent dreaming and remembering Some of the things you’ve done A few of the lies you’ve told All the heartbreaks I’ve already endured By ten AM I’m starting to modify my position To cave Your actions don’t seem so bad by then It seems like maybe I can live with them That it doesn’t matter that I don’t matter Between eleven and noon I’m feeling bad Guilty for being mad at you Like I’m just feeling sorry for myself Should not expect your expectations to be reciprocal Before lunch I’m mad at you again **** that bitch, I’m thinking, If she wants to go glory in being attractive Revel in their attention to her beauty She has complete adoration at her fingertips How can she believe that will satisfy her? I should’ve listened to my father-in-law That first Christmas together Cracking a joke about her mattressback past (My cheeks had flamed with anger at him then) After lunch at two o’clock things are a little better Not much, but a little There was a song in which someone sings About the springtime of their love Another where one rhapsodizes to his Allison About the truth of his aim These things and food in the belly Serve to dampen the savagery of my breaking heart Coming home the severity is further lessened The sun is shining suddenly after daylong rain Just minutes before turning onto my street That one song that I love comes on The one that mentions trying to catch the deluge in a paper cup This, and the song that immediately follows, Someone singing of his brand new day Reinforces a feeling that’s been sinking in for the last two hours or so An emotion less of anger More of a sad, melancholy heartache For how inauthentic things have become Not so much mad about what’s been done As much as a sense of the wastefulness of it all A knowing that it did not have to turn out this way An understanding that I did the best I could That this time I did not repeat the old mistakes over again Though the end result is no different than it’s ever been At least I was able to overcome my faults I made the right decisions at most junctures I made progress while I was with you This alone of anything that’s gone on between us Is a good thing Heartbreak in Realtime Pt. 2 When you get home at six-thirty We have only strained hellos for each other The necessary interactions freighted With hurt feelings and repressed guilt You ask for my help with dinner And my selfish anger wants to flare I’m not feeling like doing you any favors right now I check it, however, and do my part as parent After, you are away at a school function My anger is distracted by other matters at hand My shattered heart is assuaged by messages From far quadrants and people I’ve never seen Indications that I am still worthwhile When you arrive back home at nine-thirty we talk a little As if nothing at all is going wrong It does still feel good to do that with you I manage to avoid the feeling of falsehood it might engender You lean over to kiss me goodnight on your way up to bed Inquiring suggestively how long I’ll be working Inspiration is crowded out of my mind And I myself retire soon afterward Climbing into bed with you I feel only a vague numbness Battle fatigue, it seems, is setting in You tell me you are tired, don’t want to launch into a long discussion That you love me; you are sorry you are hurting me I respond with my own confessions in kind My own apologies for mistakes made along the way I roll away from you and tears begin to squeeze through my restraint I keep thinking of the kind words of someone Who is aware of what we’re going through Of how I was referred to as, “dear one” A phrase often heard from a close friend or cherished relation It means a great deal to me, heartwrenching solace I send a thank you through the group-mind communion Confident it is received, I am able to lose myself in sleep In the morning I can hardly stand to be around you... sirreen [This message has been edited by sirreen (edited 02-11-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Barry Spence - All Rights Reserved | |||
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bobbycat Member
since 2000-02-06
Posts 233USA |
....I understand all too well....maybe, just maybe, the sun will shine again soon........ thank you so very much--extrenely well written.  Bobbycat =^..^= |
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