Poem in 5 Part( first 4 posted)

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Tony Di Bart
Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 160
Toronto, Canada

0 posted 2000-02-10 08:25 PM

THIS IS MY FIRST DRAFT PLEASE CRITICIZE ALL YOU LIKE
FIRST 4 PARTS POSTED

The night, the darkness, the morning, the light and the day after
( A poem in five parts)

i-The night

Summer closed that night
as we entered the bar
announcing our arrival
smooth lingering sweeps
first our eyes, then our bodies

it was long and thin
set deep in the cities black heart
trench warfare in this trendy tunnel
artist and x-ers, mingling
in protest of their parents lives

into the back
just like in grade school,
last desk in the last row
in need of obscurity.
i walked up to the bar
not knowing that things were about to change.
The bartender, tall
practicing the part
of an unemployed actor
or writer, maybe a poet like me
in black dark rimmed glasses.
i was in need of attention, a beer even.
she knew it, looked up
smiled, said you want to order
then moved over so i could slide
between her and the guy next door.

it was like madness
spreading through my brain,
we exchanged words like kisses
waiting anxiously for the next one to arrive;
like kisses it did not matter
who was kissing and who was being kissed
it only mattered that our lips met.
i forgot about my friend
he was busy anyway
boring himself with his insecurities.

ii-The darkness

on the edge of endless breaths
i heard her warmth, sounded like a lion
with her hair tangled in my thoughts
Eyes cold silver and steel gray
like a nova exploded inside me.
and all the while my fingers
moved in slow circles on her face

in the darkness giggles
were like pyre for our sorrows
and quick shallow breaths , beacons
guiding our pleasures home
All night we chased
our loneliness
until exhaustion forced it
to it’s knees

iii-Morning

The sun poured
into the room
like a ripe grape
squeezed from it’s rind

i turned to face
the face of this golden
haired lioness
Her eyes still fluttered
like two butterflies caught
in the wind
of a wayward dream

A sparrow, brown stripped
flew like my love past the window
Fleeting for a stranger place
then where my mind now rested.
Beneath the warmth of a new day
i pulled a quill from my quiver
and fired it after that sparrow

she rested and spoke volumes
like the girl on the tram
“making no such remark”
Her body curved,
silhouetted below a dark blanked
against the white wall.
(the nine sisters all conspired on this one)

She awoke with a sinless smile
eyes gasping for breath
as they emerged
from under a translucent
reservoir of slumber
i reached for her.
not knowing things were about to change.

iii-Light

The street opened before me
like the red sea,
and i had been delivered!
i carried on like a stag
strutting and stammering on shaky legs
projecting, telepathically
the inconceivable serendipity
that lay behind me already

i crossed an ocean of darkness
in one night,
and in the light
i turned to see the waves
crash down upon
the pharaohs troops
guised in armor only
pessimistic minds could create

not wanting to recall the wandering
that was inevitable
i stammered a little longer
by the shore, head high
and turned to her balcony
for one last breath.

< !signature-->

Death makes angels of us all
and gives us wings
where we had shoulders
smooth as raven claws

Jim Morrison

[This message has been edited by Tony Di Bart (edited 02-14-2000).]

Tara Simms
Senior Member

since 1999-08-12

Posts 1244
Honea Path, SC USA

1 posted 2000-02-11 04:41 PM

I can't believe this slipped by without a comment! Wow, I love this. You weave the story well and use some great phrases: "we exchanged words like kisses","Eyes cold silver and steel gray like a nova exploded inside me", "All night we chased our loneliness until exhaustion forced it to it’s knees". Keep it up!

It matters not how strait the gate;
How charged with punishments the scroll;
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
--W.E. Henley

Tony Di Bart
Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 160
Toronto, Canada

2 posted 2000-02-12 12:56 PM

Thanks for the comments Tara. This is not yet finnished I still have to write another six poems for this one to complete. But I thought I would put out there

Tony Di Bart
Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 160
Toronto, Canada

3 posted 2000-02-14 08:00 PM

need some more feed back...back to the top

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