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Open Poetry #6
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Self Adressed
| Open Poetry #6 |
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Self Adressed |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa 
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The wind blew through the house with ease the door swung with each gust and there alone slow danced the breeze among the gathered dust the haze brought forth by afternoon peered through the window pane, met eyes with furniture in rune long since, carefully lain A withered rose upon the sill wept softly to itself with petals lost and fallen still upon the sun dried shelf And hallowed house that begged for night to shroud its emptiness bore only words that came to write years before in distress They spoke of dreams that had been lost They spoke of tears since cried Times when aside a man was tossed and to himself had lied. The note it seemed was not addressed it never spoke a name just left upon the table, pressed so tightly into frame. A letter written only to the keeper of the pen sealed tightly with envelope glue never opened again But to the one who toiled long struggling what to say. The note was sent where it belonged: "I’ve gone to see the world today." |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kevin Bednarz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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EagleScorpion Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644Here, Now, Forever |
Quaint. Crisp. Refreshing. Kudos, fellow keeper of the pen |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
"and there alone slow danced the breeze among the gathered dust" Kevin, this is outstanding poetry...not just the line I quoted (as that was the one that most pulled at me) but the piece in its entirety...a painfully delicate work, this. Your sense of meter and phrasing is wonderful, by the way. ~ Claire [This message has been edited by Meadowmuse (edited 03-09-2000).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Good writing, Kevin. You've given this a good atmosphere which adds a great deal to the words. Nicely done. |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Kevin, This one was a big wow right from the start. I ditto what Claire said. The Poetic stylings of Sir Kevin. Bravo! again. I gotta get a new term. Parker |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Kevin~ My God ! This is brilliant. Truly the best of any I've seen of yours. I do not say it lightly ... wonderfully, wonderfully done. Your inkwell is full to overflowing. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
Kevin a wonderful poem with imagery and depth. I like your style of writing. Marina |
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Compgirl Member
since 2000-02-19
Posts 85USA |
I am finding it hard to express my words for this piece. It was so wonderfull. There is not one line that stands out, there are just too many. GREAT writing my dear..just spectacular!! |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Kevin: this seemed too choppy for my tastes. The lines: to shroud its emptiness bore only words that came to write years before in distress seemed out of sync. Good ideas, I think I know what you're trying to say, but you need to rewrite and keep at it. Try to keep the same meter. best of luck to you, bboog |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Kevin, don't rewrite this, its got a great flow. Meadowmuse should know. Some styles begged to be re-metered and yours is not one of them I might add. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
This is very very nice, Kevin - a most enjoyable read.  'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
I really enjoyed reading this. James |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
Thanks so much guys, i was trying add a little balladeer flavor to my writing =) use my feelings in a story, looks like it worked, and the meter is not perfect =) ill noodle with it, thanks again |
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