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Corazon
Senior Member

since 2000-02-02

Posts 1209

0 posted 2000-03-05 03:43 PM

I had a love, once, she thought…
and she sighed
with sadness at the memory
of that spring day
when they told her he was no more.
He filled my heart to overflowing
with a love so exciting
each and every moment together
was shiny and new
a love so comfortable
we were friends even before we met
that one chance meeting of our eyes
and trust was born, penetration by sight.
a love that knew me
without my having to say a word,
a love that wanted the me he could see
just as much as the one that was
deep inside of me
a love who was patient
and kind, a love who found comfort
in the beating of my heart
and cried to kiss the evidence
of too much hard work on my hands
a man whose smile
captured the sun…
and she stopped and softly smiled
and shook her head
vowing grief no more
she held her hand
to her chest…
he is mine still
he but waits
for me

bboog
Member

since 2000-02-29

Posts 303
Valencia, California

1 posted 2000-03-05 05:04 PM

Corazon- your name means "heart" in Spanish, right? A heart-felt poem too. Suggestion: perhaps remove "sighed" and replace it with "recalled" ? (At a poetry class I attended many years ago, the instructor would take his red pen out to poems using "sigh" and "soul".)(He claimed these words are overused in poetry) However, this is YOUR poem and I'm only repeating a suggestion that was given to me.
best of luck,
bboog

Tara Simms
Senior Member

since 1999-08-12

Posts 1244
Honea Path, SC USA

2 posted 2000-03-05 10:38 PM

This is amazing! "a man whose smile
captured the sun". I'm sighing over here!

Meadowmuse
Member Elite

since 1999-12-27

Posts 3263

3 posted 2000-03-05 11:31 PM

There is beauty in every line...I had a love once, like that...but that was a long time ago. Your poem made me cry, for all the right reasons. Thank you.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

4 posted 2000-03-06 12:22 PM

Corazon~
I recall a sigh as deep as this.
It lives still in my heart as a memory
I'd never want to give up.

'vowing grief no more
she held her hand
to her chest…
he is mine still
he but waits
for me'

Yes !
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

5 posted 2000-03-06 02:21 AM

A beautiful poem, Corazon. I felt the loe and the longing. Some things are worth waiting for, then some things are worth waiting forevr for... I felt the latter in this piece.

Michael

AnthonyEV1
Junior Member

since 2000-03-05

Posts 17
St. Charles, IL, USA

6 posted 2000-03-06 04:10 AM

That was a GREAT poem with a lot of good wording. Keep up the good work and I'll be checking to see if you add any more in the future.

MyPenNameIsSam
Member

since 2000-03-06

Posts 94
usa

7 posted 2000-03-06 04:23 AM

beautiful poem... absolutely beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes and evoked a beautiful hopeful feeling. I loved it.

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

8 posted 2000-03-06 05:39 AM

This is a poem to drift in.

Well done.

'Writing sharpens life;
life enriches writing'
Sylvia Plath

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-21

Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia

9 posted 2000-03-06 09:26 AM

Very serene Corazon...

HuggsZzzz

[This message has been edited by Local Rebel (edited 03-06-2000).]

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

10 posted 2000-03-06 10:08 AM

Very beautiful, you write with a heart very much like my own

Corazon
Senior Member

since 2000-02-02

Posts 1209

11 posted 2000-03-06 10:12 AM

thank you all so much, this year has been made easier by being able to write it out, and by sharing with all of you

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

12 posted 2000-03-09 11:50 AM

This is beautiful, Corazon... a love so rare will always be a part of you... but I'm glad the healing is beginning. *S*

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