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Open Poetry #6
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don't light the candle
| Open Poetry #6 |
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don't light the candle |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209
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we made quite a confection the two of us did there was a layer of you and a layer of me, and you were always the sweetness so you got to be the icing we took turns at decorating together we were pretty for all to see best friends, you and me and sure it was my idea to put the candle on the top but I surely wish now we hadn't lit the match, the wick disguised a fuse. I had thought us perfect just the way we were but your ego needed me to burn for you, and my chill factor world craved your heat much too much and now there's bits and pieces of you all mixed up with what's left of me and the icing... the icing hurts my teeth. [This message has been edited by Corazon (edited 03-02-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 zoe d. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
Unsual and creative analogy, make an interesting read. Well written. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
With my incredible and infamous suckey timing, I would have to read this just as I'm starting to make a cake with icing so disgustingly sweet I cringe just to think of it! LOL. (But it's for someone special... and I just make it, I don't eat it! LOL) Oh... back to the poem. *G* This is superb... sometimes the relationships that look prettiest are just an explosion waiting to happen... too bad they don't come with tags warning us of shrapnel danger. |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
lol@your timing...lucky for me, I really don't like frosting much...cept the whip cream kind...oh...now that I could eat a whole bowl...lol...oh...back to the poem...thanks  thanks septsong...wrote it last night, no cakes in sight, not even sure where the analogy came from |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
I'm glad I don't eat cake... but its better than pie in the face... nice job corazon... |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
I love this! From perfection to disaster, such is the way of some relationships and baking expeditions (especially mine!). My favorite lines: "but I surely wish now we hadn't lit the match, the wick disguised a fuse" and "and now there's bits and pieces of you all mixed up with what's left of me". It matters not how strait the gate; How charged with punishments the scroll; I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. --W.E. Henley |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
and there goes my theory of being the icing on the cake, still, I guess if you don't have your own teeth it could still be true..*g* oh, back to the poem and those chattering teeth...what a vision..LOL HUSG I dropped a tear in the ocean when it is found, I will stop loving you... |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
LR...well whip creme pie could be fun *g*...thanks tara, thank you rg...lol...you can still be the icing...you are plenty sweet enough to qualify |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
This was certainly a joy to read. You have a very creative mind, and use it well. Liz |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Corazon, Fine mind, excellent, enjoyed the read. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very creative, Corazon! Well done! Denise |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Girl...you need to get this stuff out to some publishers....not that we all don't enjoy it here, but your work needs to be shared with more than us |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Sweet deception. Great poem, Corazon. The last line impacts the entire piece. Wonderful work. Michael |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Battered relationships are so sad! Uh, battered..get it? Battered!! hehe....er, I'm going back to my coma now  The poem is excellently written. You say so much in so many different ways. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Ugh, that's a pun even *I* won't touch. Anyway, great work Corazon. You stuck an image, both sweetly and sickly, into my mind. With your obvious mind power, you've already got the first tool needed to setting yourself down a better, or at least more fulfulling, path. Keep it up! Mike |
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January Flowers Member
since 2000-02-01
Posts 209South Carolina |
Corazon~ This is so very interesting... I'll remember this poem with every candle I blow out! Liked the analogy much.  |
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