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| Open Poetry #5 |
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Unborn |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
You're out there somewhere You exist, tightened, drawn by your will You will be succesful at what you do People will congratulate you Tell you things that make you feel good about yourself Constantly remind you of your beauty You'll blush when you meet your girlfriend's parents and they say "Wow, he's a real looker" You'll hear it all Digest it all And fear it all You'll wonder who these people keep talking about It couldn't be you, you can't be THAT great The compliments continue The anxiety continues You start to worry about your role You worry you can't live up to the praise That sits around you in full bloom Instead of modesty, you feel indebted by compliments. Each one, an investment in your worth An investement that you want nothing to do with Agreements you've made, without shaking hands Faces bounce blankly at you Insinuating that its their time Its their time to cash in their investment All you have to do is smile One nice, big smile, will pay off debt Give people the fix they need to leave you alone While slowly Calculatingly Distancing yourself further from who you are to yourself. Your own private relationship has become public The small moments The highs of tranquility The self-satisfaction of thought Slicing away, penning your own personal insights Have been compromised "There is a leak in the system", a voice says "There's a rat in the system", another one says You know it, because you say it You feel it The personal self The one deep inside The bodyguard of your essence Is under siege Attacked by your oustanding debts Who have come to collect You realize the costs of being you Absolving your debts But it seems too traumatic Too unearthing At least this way, you are guaranteed feeling Like a video game You get a kickback of good points A piece of security "We'll keep you happy", the impulse says "You don't need to worry" "Keep producing, and we'll Direct your emotion" "We'll give you as many smiles as you like" You agree, but get more anxious The more smiles, the more laughter The more you realize they are stencilled Contrived, manipulated by you You have created them, you ensure they come to you Even if they aren't from real people They give you enough hope to move on Produce another But they never allow you to exist In all the bursts and hyena pitches none of them respond to you They respond to what comes out of you You are a vessel, a thruway However much you twine your script However much you re-create reality It lets you out It lets you breathe Makes you feel like you are some thing Rather than nothing Hi there, i'm new here. I've written some responses to some poems here, and am amazed at the quality. Of course, i'm not on level with most others, in that i write prose more than poetry. But like to try my hand at it anyway. I liken poetry to little vignettes, small packages that lose force if put in a larger structure. Anyway, i'd love to hear back from people.. look forward to "meeting" you. |
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| © Copyright 2000 patchoulipumpkin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Wow! This is great writing! I loved this poem....indeed, am still in awe! Welcome to the family! I look forward to reading more from you.  |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Welcome to Passions! I look forward to more of your vignettes! Very well done! Denise |
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Kevin Taylor Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185near Vancouver, BC, Canada |
To change a phrase... First (post) but not least! What a reminder... I thought 30 years would have buried that night for ever! Kevin |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
This is outstanding writing! And I too, welcome you to Passions... I am intigued about your signature name?... A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire! Shannon |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Welcome to Passions. I, like you, write more prose then poetry. This piece was wonderful and I am definately going to be looking for more from you. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Hello, pp.....  Ya know - as long as you live up to your own expectations of yourself, then you've given your all, and should be pretty darned proud.... Welcome to Passions - We're pleased to meet you...  |
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Astraea Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now |
Very nice! Welcome! Me like. Lovely. ~Astraea "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness." "Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things." |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
patchouli, the piece you've shared carries the fragrance of intrigue, to be sure, and I am looking eagerly toward savoring more of your vignettes. |
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mama duck Junior Member
since 1999-12-31
Posts 41Northern California |
Very nicely done. Welcome to Passios, it's a good place to be, I think you'll fit write in. Chris |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Wow. Awesome work... more please! And welcome to Passions.  ...I am not a painter, I am a poet... F. O'Hara |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Welcome to passions |
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whiskey
since 1999-12-28
Posts 1278Australia |
Welcome Wonderful first post |
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tulip Member
since 1999-07-04
Posts 320unknown |
Wow...what an incredible piece! |
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Tamera Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 121 |
Incredible is the word! You have done quite well! Welcome! I look forward to reading more! Tamera |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA |
Superb! ~*~ ^i^ ~*~ Love is such a lonely art, and death is but a taste. Minds are merely instruments that often go to waste! ~*~ ^i^ ~*~ |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Very nice opening.  |
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Felix Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 78USA |
Um well let me see if I can get this out...wow... Know that you aren't the only one out there that goes through this...I've had to endure it for a few years now...and trust me, I feel your pain. I've been wanting to write it out in a poem, but always got too frustrated before anything came out. Thank you for writing it for me. Can I borrow this for my poetry book? Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king, and then became one? - Neil Diamond |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
thank you very much for all your responses everybody, i was happily surprised because i didn't think it was as good as many of you commented. So thank you for the encouragement, i really appreciate it, and also thankyou for the warm welcome to the forum. It was nice because i'm aware that in some other forums, and discussion groups, there can exist a standoffishness when a new person comes along, and that person has to fight by him/herself to get some kind of response from others. So thank you very much. Felix-My question is what is your poetry book? Is it a personal book of various poetry, or is it something else? Either way, I would be honoured if you wanted the poem. I'm glad you found something of interest with it, and its nice to know others have gone through, and go through, the same thing. |
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