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Open Poetry #5
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Astraea
Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378
California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now

0 posted 2000-02-04 10:36 PM


"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!
How could you have ever dared
To even begin to think I lied
About the things I meant?
All you are now is a block of ice,
Lacking everything but a warm heart,
And I wonder what was it
That you could have given me
To make me love you then and now."

The tirade stopped; my heart was beating fast
So little time had passed and in them everything had exploded
My insides were tight, cold and I felt empty
How could you say such a thing, my spirit demanded
I turned away, fearing to see the answer in his eyes
Choking on the emotions clogging my breathing and senses
My feet hadn't missed a built-in warning
Telling me that if I didn't leave now
I would surely break into shatters

How could have I dared?
To do what, I wonder, to dare what danger in our love?
Blood boiling, I hadn't made it several steps
Before collapsing to the ground in shuddering tears
How could you have dared?
To come back after so long and making remember all the pain
When I had woke up alone, inside and out
How could you have dared?
Making me feel this way about you
Until all I want to do is do anything to ensure your happiness, your joy
How could you have dared?
To doubt my love for you?

I remember when we were younger
When all I had in the world was you
Finding no warmth in a home so cold
I had begun to think I was the same mold of ice and snow
Until you came and made me doubt that facet
Of myself I felt was the truth

I remember when we played
And you offered to talk
Should I ever need to hear a story of a princess
He had found hidden in a castle she had built around herself
That always made me feel lighter, listening to the echo of your voice
Drifting through my dreams at night

I remember when we grew older
Your share of problems came into sight
And you said I was your only true friend
Who knew that despite all the darkness, there were stars to be found
Then relaxed when I smiled and rushed to embrace you close
Making sure you would always remember I'd be here

"I'll never forget your love,
It's a part of me so deep
That to remove it would be destroying myself.
If it hadn't been for you
For the things you gave to me
I wouldn't love you now."

Dipping into despair like an abyss of burning ice
It's amazing how quickly the pain is numbed from experience
Of remembering this situation before
I wasn't a little girl crying in a lonely park anymore
Nor were you simply my friend in my heart
I stayed there, crying without a sound
Knowing that if I looked up
You wouldn't be there
Like before
And my world would spin again

Gentle fingers threaded through my hair
Coaxing me slowly back to calm, cruel reality
When I was forced to look up, straight into his eyes
I could see that he was remembering too
And saw some of the emptiness inside
Before I froze over numbly
Shutting out the world

"I never would have made it this far," my heart wanted to say
"Without your guidance by my side
And I'll always remember the things you've given me
Through all the years
No matter the tears, pains or loneliness,
Forgetting your place isn't a right
I'll ever give up."

But I couldn't tell him the things I wanted to say
I would cry again
Our memories were bittersweet, harsh, painful
And always loving
The light that shimmered inside my eyes must have been like stars
For suddenly I was momentarily in his arms
Drinking in the warmth clouding my soul
The touch was brief, broken
When I pulled away, stood,
I ignored the empty throb inside
And began walking away

Faintly, behind, I heard a soft echo of the past:
"I'll remember."
And I knew that maybe we would never be the same again
Not friends, not loves, but never again strangers
Until then
I'll just continue counting 'til the stars dim
All the things I have now
Because of you



 "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness."

"Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things."



© Copyright 2000 Tiffany - All Rights Reserved
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2000-02-04 10:45 PM


Astraea, You tugged at my heart, pulled the tears up, then let them spill over. This is amazing.-SEA
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

2 posted 2000-02-05 12:56 PM


Very strong emotional piece, Astraea. Well done. Captivating.

Denise

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

3 posted 2000-02-05 01:07 AM


Truly, sadly, inspired. It's a small comfort to write -- and sometimes a great one. Thanks for sharing.

Mike

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