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Unrequited
| Open Poetry #5 |
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Unrequited |
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PoeticKnight Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144New Orleans, LA |
How time can make love grow No matter how far apart you go And all the things you do Whenever we steal a moment or two How pain seems somehow to mend When we have reached the end And have only ourselves once more No one to blame, no one to scar It’s such a sad thing which will never be This connection between you and me Why must I look in the mirror And see myself getting unclearer There’s got to be a reason or some rhyme For my not being with you in time But frozen and etched upon your brain Echoing what might have been in every rain There’s got to be some sort of place For us to live face to face Where we can be together And not worry about the weather And not a care in the world Just you and me, a boy and girl No one else needs to know Nothing else matters in this place we go It’s a way of making dreams deliverable It’s the only way of making this life liveable |
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| © Copyright 2000 J.M. Landry - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jfreak Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 306Yuma, AZ, USA |
Hey JML, I thought this poem was done very well. Your scheme is well traditional, so of course it works. I liked how you pointed in the line "look in the mirror and see myself getting unclearer". That line just shows how men and women are when they get involved. Or at least how it should be. Not being able to tell where one ends and the other begins. The only thing I would change in your poem is adding the word bitter right before end in the sixth line. I think it might make the poem flow that much better, but that is just me. Keep up the good work. Jfreak |
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