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Open Poetry #5
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look at her smile
| Open Poetry #5 |
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look at her smile |
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fc Member
since 2000-01-18
Posts 130 |
look at her smile she's got it all family, respect, looks, and oh, what a heart. she dances on air when she walks presenting an invitation for sighs, as they gaze at her thighs just look at her smile look at her crumble when no one is around sticks one down her throat and holds the handle as she watches her dreams go round and round and finally down when no one else is around look at her break into too many pieces some she can't even find anymore, look at her break when the no more need to hide time comes ninety eight percent water ninety seven of that tears where do they all come from when into the pillow they go don't, please don't look at her break look at her scramble in the morning mirror she frowns, and says too many you's to put on just one face look in the mirror at her scramble keys in hand and out the door she goes look at her smile [This message has been edited by fc (edited 01-19-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 fc - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Wonderful poem about a heartbreaking problem that many deal with. I think this is just EXCELLENT |
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tulip Member
since 1999-07-04
Posts 320unknown |
Wow...I think you should share this poem..it's excellent. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You did an excellent job of putting all the emotions one can go through, the ones they show to the world and the ones they feel inside, into an excellent piece of writing. Very, very well done. |
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catslair Junior Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 48 |
what a powerful statement of self loathing and crazy expectations.....well written i really enjoyed this..thanksyou |
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JTF Member
since 1999-08-09
Posts 319France |
wow ! ... Very powerful fc ... it touched me ! ok, I'll look at your thighs ... err, I mean smile *s* |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
I think this is a marvelous representation of the mask of humanity! Kudos to the author. And a huggsz  |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I wear a mask as I face the world Though it is not one of the Halloween kind But protects people from seeing the me I see A sight that would scare them out of their minds. You're not alone, fc (though I have to admit that this "she" doesn't have it all... my thighs cause gagging sounds, not sighs! *S*) |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
WOW!!! Masterfully written. Your words tell a story that is not so unfimilar to most of us. It's a powerful display of words along with a powerful display of writing talent. Well done!! At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. ~Plato |
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fc Member
since 2000-01-18
Posts 130 |
will try for a bit more than a thanks all on this one lol denise... the flushing her troubles without dealing with them was meant to be a symptom of her life, not the problem, but...I can see how it could be interpretted as you saw it. glad you liked tulip... thank you much balladeer... thank you, a compliment from a writer of your status means much catslair....thank you JTF...thank you...for the smile and the compliment LR...thank you for the kudos...wonder if she will like who she finds when the mask comes off? suthern...thank you, and nope, not alone at all, not when you have good friends hoot...thank you, you being impressed with me, is a compliment indeed |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Your writing is so straight forward and powerful with feeling. I am impressed with your talent. |
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~ViXeN~ Member
since 2000-01-09
Posts 93Guelph, Ont. Canada |
wow, really great job on such a serious topic. well done, it really showed all of the emotions felt. |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
How sad. How very true. I knew someone just like her.... I tried to help, she refused. SEA |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
I went back to read...and *sigh* I thought I was healing....but so far everything is the same...I gurss need to try harder... |
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