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Noah - Happy Birthday
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Noah - Happy Birthday |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! 
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 Noah, May your birthday be as special as you are. You bring so much joy when you share here on the PiP pages. I wish you love and joy on this special day of yours. xoxoxo  Alison |
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| © Copyright 2009 Alison - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU DEAR NOAH! May it be a colorful, warm, spectacular, special day for you. Wishing you abundant blessings and deep joy always. Love and hugs. Margherita  "Love is the One who masters all things; |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Happy Birthday Noah~~ hoping you have a wonderful year ahead.  M |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
 Happy Birthday, dearest Noah!  |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
hey you.... have a great Birthday! enjoy each and every delicious moment |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
It's a good day to have a birthday...Have a happy one!! |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Happy, Happy Birthday to you Noah/Mistletoe Angel/Lisping Hibiscus!  May this exciting journey of self-discovery that you are on, continue to fill you with wonder! It has been a complete and utter joy to witness the unfolding of your lotus petals. I know that this year will be a remarkable one for you as you discover that there is even more to discover! lol Giving you a humongous big birthday hug and birthday blessings galore! Linda   |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 Awwwwwwwwww, thank y'all soooooooooo much for your most wonderful birthday blessings! I've teared up reading sooooooooo many today! (big group hug) For the past five years or so, I write a Note on my birthday reflecting on my experiences each year, and now I'm going to share an edited version of my latest one here I originally posted on Facebook titled "Sweet Twenty-Six...............And Finally Been Kissed!" (the original has some mature content) * * Sweet Twenty-Six...............And Finally Been Kissed! ^__^  "Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." - Jack Benny * * It's impossible for me not to cry today.............when I have come out of a life-changing (in truth, life-changing would be a gross understatement), definitive year of my life.............not to mention have now completed the first quarter-century of my life and have now entered the next quarter-century of it with sugar in the gourd and honey in the horn........in Corybantic convulsions, thrilled over what the next few years alone will bring after flourishing in this flurry of firsts for me in the twenty-fifth year of my life. Two years ago, I wrote a note on Facebook in which I reflected on the 23rd year of my life with great disappointment and dismay, where I saw myself quarantined in this "quarterlife crisis" (the most identified characteristics of a quarter-life crisis include 1) feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that meets the threshold of one's academic/intellectual level, 2) frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career, 3) having a general bewilderment of identity, 4) financial and emotion insecurity regarding the near future, 5) frequent re-evaluations of close relationships, 6) nostalgia for earlier life, particularly in high school and sometimes college, 7) general feelings of alienation and loneliness, and 8) an intuitive sense that everyone else in the world revolving around you is, for reasons unknown, better off than you are).............and, moreover, characterized myself as a "late bloomer"............in which I based that instinct on hearing "about old friends I knew from Colorado and elsewhere that are about the same age as me already enjoying stable careers, falling in love, getting married and having kids.". In that note, I also wrote the following: * "Irony does surround adolescence indeed, but then again I’ve heard it said as well often that 'heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.' So I think that birdishness in myself is frequently evolving, and we often continue to re-evaluate it, and even on our forty-seven thousand, eight hundred and thirty-sixth test flight…….we’re still like young birds that have hardly begun to fathom our own genes……and that offers me a feeling of solace as I tackle this “quarter-life crisis” and reach back into the more primitive regions of my inner-self, trying to find greater meaning and purpose." * And it is in doing just that why this year has served as the beginning of a meteoric transformation for me. All I needed was something to contextualize the painful state I was in.............and when that historic snowstorm fell last December, where Portland was pummeled with nineteen inches of snowfall in the span of two weeks (Portland's average annual snowfall is a mere seven inches historically and, when only counting climate data from the Western Regional Climate Center from August 1st, 1973 to December 31st, 2005, it falls further to a mere 3.1 inches, with an average snow depth of zero) and made December 2008 the snowiest month for the city since January 1950..........that proved to be the cathartic contextualization I needed...........where I was literally living like Paul of Thebes in the confides of my own home, like a prisoner of my own compulsive social isolation and loneliness.........and I just cried on and off for days............where I KNEW I HAD to change my life..........although I still felt directionless still at the beginning of this year and can't be proud of how the beginning of this year turned out for me either. * * Late March is where I believe my breakthrough began. It was shortly before that I had discovered this community known as Hands On Greater Portland...........a 501(c)3 non-profit organization which, in 1996, was formed by a team of community organizers determined to successfully replicate the "Hands On" umbrella network brand in the Portland area by connecting volunteers with one-time projects that required no advance training or experience...........which a decade later blossomed into an organization that has made more than 13,000 volunteer connections a year in partnership with 200 nonprofits, schools and community organizations. Their core values and beliefs include the notion that "service raises awareness of community needs and provides a platform for action." and that everyone has leadership potential and believes in providing volunteers with opportunities to build leadership skills (I, in fact, was just at a Hands On Greater Portland benefit last night at the Crystal Ballroom called the "World's Largest Office Party"..............where I doubled up on fake gambling money at the blackjack table I might add, bwaaaaaa ha ha ha! LOL!) Fascinated by the concept, I eagerly embraced this opportunity.........which the first project I took on was a two-hour shift at the Hollywood Theatre..........the last venue in Portland built both as a vaudeville house and as a movie theatre in 1926, which underwent several transformations over the years until the non-profit organization Film Action Oregon (FAO) purchased the building in 1997 in recognizing the opportunity to preserve an important part of Oregon's cultural history, which has since become a go-to place for independent film screenings and numerous live events............where I helped run the concession stand and assist with mopping the floor. From there, finding the experience more than satisfying, I signed up for more opportunities, with the second one I leaped into being one I am still most active with..........the Zimbabwe Artist's Project..........a non-profit inspired by Lewis and Clark College sociology professor Dick Adams' overseas programs to Zimbabwe throughout the nineties focused on gender and social change.............which helps women in Zimbabwe become economically self-sufficient through education, sale of their art in the United States and special projects, including helping Weya artists create their own cooperative association, assisting with constitution writing and fundamentals of bookkeeping, even transporting artists and supplies on the 200-mile round-trip to Harare, Zimbabwe's capital city, so they can have critical access to health care. It was there I met a volunteer leader with Hands On Portland named Sigrid Boyer, who also specializes in apparel design in her spare time, who has since become one of my best friends. The confidence I felt in making a difference, making some sort of impact, prompted me to take my volunteerism to the next level and try helping out at the second annual Better Living Show, which you can read all about my experience in my archived note here. After serving over all three days of the festival in numerous capacities, and receiving enthusiastically positive feedback for my efforts, I felt my self-esteem bend the throttle off the Richter scale, and from then on I've just become vehemently obsessed with volunteering as a mode of life, a temporary full-time (sometimes double full-time) job, where now I know that even once I find employment, I'll still be indefatigable about volunteering in much of the time I'm not working. I had joked often about likening myself the "Kirk Gleason of Volunteering": promiscuously and unpremeditatedly taking on opportunities at random from the most conventional to the most eccentric, with the obvious difference being I don't make everything fall into a down-at-the-heel, higgledy-piggledy, miscalculated muddle in the end! LOL! After a long string of various Hands On projects and festival efforts, I eventually got trained myself as a Hands On Volunteer Leader, started leading a handful of projects, and by May I was thrilled that I would have the liberty to help collaborate with Studio Concepts, Inc. for an entire week (March 30th-June 5th) as many as twelve hours a day some days in decorating floats for the 2009 Portland Rose Festival Grand Floral Parade on June 6th..........where I helped paint, decorate and apply raw materials to four of twelve floats in the convoy, especially the KeyBank float (I didn't write Notes much during this time, but I have a wide archive of video footage I recorded on-site you can find on my Facebook Video page).............which lifted my spirits beyond the outer-most limits and funneled confidence into my creative capacities. * * So already, I had transcended many of the key characteristics attributed to a "quarterlife crisis" at this point. I wasn't feeling nostalgic for the first time in years and was psyched at the prospect of taking it one day at a time in the present and looking forward to ever-changing volunteer tasks. I wasn't frustrated with job prospects and various insecurities that used to plague me because I was keeping myself busy and enjoying every minute I was kept busy. I still felt lonesome in a sense, but nothing like how I used to feel because, this time around, I was engaged, rather than detached, with the community. And I felt in control with myself, and acknowledged "finding yourself" is a lifelong journey and accepted I'm a work in progress and nonetheless marveled over all the new colors that were being splattered on the canvas of my conscious experience. * *  Which leads to the next major milestone of this year of my life...........my sensual awakening. * * Prior to this year, despite having written erotic poetry for over eight years now and having sensual dreams well before my eighteenth birthday, I conceded, because I have Asperger's Syndrome and was socially withdrawn for so long due to previous traumatic experiences socially, particularly being physically bullied often during elementary school for being seen as effeminate and heartache generated by misunderstandings behind the attempted publication of one of my first erotic poems in high school that led to an emotional blacklisting of sorts............that I wasn't capable of love, that no matter what I would be seen as maniacal Martian to others with pitiful motor skills and a manner of speaking that might as well have others taking their time studying a chicken scratch version of cuneiform instead.........thus what I dreamed of was something I could never have, could never hold............and yet I kept writing erotica because I felt more a sense of intrigue and delight vicariously residing in this surreal world of romantic passion and desire than with anything transpiring in reality. It was both the source of my pleasure and pain. All of this changed this year when, beginning in late May, I had found out a first-ever erotic arts festival was being put together, which would become known as ErosFest Northwest. Tempted by this novel festival concept, given my own fascination with erotica, I e-mailed the Volunteer Coordinators Avi and Ken, and they encouraged me to attend a weekly Planning Meeting in early June. So I attended and, after being properly acquainted with most of the Planning Committee, we set out to promote the festival at the Alberta Art District's monthly Last Thursday event............frolicking through the masses and galleries with absurdly large feather boas around our necks, passing out early versions of the festival flyer to attendees and gallery owners. Having gotten off on that one-of-a-kind volunteer effort, where I felt empowered unleashing my sensual side in public and not being judged for it, I instantly became obsessed with ErosFest Northwest, and from then on assisted the festival's Visual Arts Director Morgana de Fata in contacting erotic artists that were also featured at the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival and seducing them into jumping on the ErosFest Northwest bandwagon and co-administrating the festival's official web-site, as well as helping out with other outreach efforts which included booking an exclusive interview on KBOO Community Radio's "Positively Revolting" with Festival Founder and Chairwoman Gabriella Cordova, Morgana de Fata and Festival Curator & Featured Artist Crystal Zingsheim. And yet...........despite being consciously aware of what I was helping promote to the greater Pacific Northwest.........I had not the slightest idea the festival would change me profoundly as well, as I originally just approached this festival as another entertaining, random volunteer opportunity. I became consciously aware of the politics of fear and repression, and that my own body had been commodified by them, had been held hostage to them, so fought them back with a rebel yell by embracing my body as the harp of my soul and celebrating my sensuality openly. I even became the official Twitter for ErosFest Northwest, and teased and taunted all the Followers I had gained with my unabashed allegiance to well-intentioned debauchery. I knew at heart I wasn't being trashy...........I was just consciously recognizing reality; believing: "How can we expect to either live, or live with ourselves, if we're ashamed of what Mother Nature intended to create?" Even so, being a stranger to the physical act of love and much of sensuality firsthand (I didn't even get my first kiss until the Fantasy Feast at ErosFest Northwest)............I was blissfully unaware of just how much an emotional magnitude what I was helping bring into fruition would shock me with (and most others certainly). Indeed I watched adult content on the Internet as far back as when I was fifteen, but beyond that I was a virgin surrounded by all this stimuli I had never been exposed to in reality before, yet much of it had long pervaded my punch-drunk imagination in my frequent erotic poetry scribblings. It was as though all my deepest musings had been summoned to life before my very eyes, and thus I was frequently transfixed and haunted at the same time as I went about volunteering with any task at hand...............until finally it all culminated into hedonistic heartburn and proved too much for me when, after I was haunted by my old social traumas in being too afraid to ask for sensual touch and affection at my first LoveTribe Romp..........and I was left feeling humiliated with myself, sitting in a lawn chair at the corner of the DreamBox room at the Jupiter Hotel where the Romp was taking place with my head buried in my tear-soaked hands..............realizing what I was lacking and both needed and want ever so ardently, yet anguishing at my crisis of confidence in obtaining it (you can read all four parts of my ErosFest experience here and a general reflection on my thoughts before the festival began here. ) After having a heartfelt conversation with Gabriella over the matter, where her comforting words proved most helpful, Freddy Zental Weaver, a Chicago-based Tantric practitioner and stage performer I befriended the first day of the festival through volunteering together in preparing for the Opening Day Exhibition's Grand Opening, surely must have heard about my situation through the grapevine, and urged me to meet him for breakfast the next morning at the Doug Fir Lounge. I agreed to.............and when I got there early that morning around 8 AM, he was conversing with visiting featured artist Nancy Peach and a couple of Tantric Circus members.........................and once he saw me and greeted me "Good morning!", Freddy got right to the point, and believed someone as sensitive as me would benefit immensely from a session with a Tantrika/dakini, and demanded I break away from my established volunteer schedule for a little while to meet a Tantrika that he had invited up to his hotel room on the second floor of the Jupiter Hotel. Initially I was hesitant to because, after all, I have a fervent sense of loyalty to all my volunteering responsibilities and didn't want to leave anyone feeling marooned or believe I was being deliberately irresponsible, but Freddy said with utmost insistence that this was more important and he could always explain what happened later to the Planning Committee, and so then, completely oblivious of what Freddy was insinuating he wanted me to do and what the gathering would entail, I nonetheless could tell he was absolutely serious and, because I already believed him to be an incredible inspiration and most extraordinary friend, I knew he was only looking out for me and doing what he thought was best for me given his impeccable credentials and finding his live production most persuasive, inspiring and believable, so agreed to meet him and the Tantrika in his room at 9:30 AM a certain time with his guest. As it turned out, Nancy Peach and I accidentally got carried away with a most moving conversation regarding balancing work and family, her own recent experiences with Asperger's Syndrome in her family, which I am most grateful for but also made me feel bad I unintentionally left my friends waiting in their room, so almost an hour had eclipsed by since the time Freddy told me to meet him in Room 234.............and I hurried up to the second floor of the hotel, knocked on his door, and Freddy invited me in. Surely one could imagine I had to have been nervous..........but I wasn't, because I had a great deal of trust in Freddy and I knew he was trying to help and heal me to the fullest extent, and the empathy he provided me filled me with assurance and confidence. So after asking me to lay back, with my head on the pillow on the left side of the bed, Freddy asked me to softly begin inhaling and exhaling, where he added that in Tantra there are breathing techniques that help us expand our prana, or life-force, called the pranayama. So I followed his instructions, and suddenly I began to feel the Tantrika massage my body. It was a Tantric touch-massage.........a kind of touch I never felt before..........which left me in perfect contentment. After about a twenty-minute massage, I then opened my eyes, seeing the Tantrika staring into my eyes smiling immediately as they unfurled. Freddy asked me how that felt, where I blushed with a grin responding in a near-whisper tone "That felt wonderful!". I could understand how others may have felt awkward in this sort of environment, but I felt perfectly at ease, because it was a great learning experience for me. The Tantrika then said it was time for her to go and attend to an obligation, saying later we could exchange contact information and that she was interested in being my Tantric healer/dakini, which I happily agreed to with tears of joy in my eyes. After she left, Freddy asked again how I was feeling, and after mentioning how my head has never felt this light and youthful before, said that it was a shame we couldn't have had a longer session, but nonetheless believed that would still suffice splendidly until next time. Adamant about returning the favor to him, I stuck around his room to help him prepare for his 11 AM check-out. While he was still tidying up his belongings, he invited me to listen to his playlist on his Blackberry Pandora: replete with mid-tempo fare spanning from Bob Dylan to Issac Hayes to Bobby McFerren, and even performed a work of progress to me with his bongo drum (I wish I could think of the title, but the theme of the song had something to do with "being at home", which uplifted me deeply to the point I was up on my feet, swaying like a date palm across the floor to the rhythm) Finally, just after 11 AM, he was ready to move his luggage down to the valet parking lot, which I volunteered to give him a hand with it...........and I glanced over my shoulder into Room 234 for the last time, I knew I was experiencing an awakening.............which would set the stage for the next major milestone of this year for me.  Since then, the Tantrika and I have remained great friends.............but as it turns out often in life, we all have times in our lives where we feel less-centered than others due to obligations, stress and other factors...........so after about two months hoping for a first follow-up session, she told me that research and other life obligations had left her feeling as though she wasn't centered presently, thus it wouldn't feel right to be my Tantrika until she sorted out what she needed to in her own life..........which I understood completely and told her that I want her to be happy above all else and, while I was open and honest with her about just how much I thought of her and desired her all this time (not a day went by when I didn't think of her, eagerly anticipating her touch and every single time the moment I pressed the "Talk" button on the phone after dialing her number (prior to this year I virtually never used the telephone), I always felt my heartbeat quicken to double the speed and nearly lost my breath, with me feeling I needed to gasp for air a few times after I finished talking with her on the phone) ultimately when she may call me back and announce she feels as though she's ready to be a Tantrika again, as ecstatic as I'll surely feel to hear that, I'll be even happier to hear that she's in a happier place in her own life. So, to tell you the truth, the night she said where she was at in her own life, after I hung up the phone, I cried, then cried myself to sleep in mixed feelings of gratefulness and frustration, because this was the first time in my life that I was desired by another person beyond Internet romance, where for the whole rest of the first quarter-century of my life I was a complete stranger to love, yet dreamed endlessly about it, for it, since I was eleven years old.............and with this blazing rush of ecstasy I felt I also invested myself wholeheartedly in the opportunity to continue meeting with her, and to see it ultimately freeze indefinitely couldn't help but leave me feeling sad and frustrated all the same in that, while on many levels I've grown since ErosFest Northwest.............I'm back to square one when it comes to identifying with the physical joy and experience of love.........where I'm essentially no less a stranger to it now than I did then.........and after all the excitement and anticipation I had leading up to then and having a blissful breakthrough of sorts..........the inside of my heart looks like Sydney, Australia during one of their recent chaotic sandstorms........a surreal, vesuvian Diwali of a place. But I for one am glad I feel this strongly, because this is truly a sweet, not bitter, experience, of which I'm very grateful it happened..............because...........I have made a new wonderful friend.........for knowing that, for the first time in my life, there was someone who truly wanted to make love to me...............and for introducing me to the Sacred Circle Dance, among other things..............and it was Freddy who made it all possible, for who I will forever be blessed to have crossed paths in life with. Also, obviously I couldn't have known it in previous years when I was unfamiliar with Tantra..................but I now realize................when glancing over all my poetry from before, I've ALWAYS longed for being in love, not just falling in love...............and just didn't become consciously aware of it until this summer..............and it was this experience that opened the eyes of my heart to this realization...............that I need someone who understands my deep, sensitive, spiritual nature and can also fulfill my intense passionate needs...........and both rest at the essence of Tantra in unity. This experience demonstrated how all the feelings I have are real and profound and that I've been listening to my heart. I also had an epiphany through this experience, which is that.............now that I look upon my past, I used to think I was a "late bloomer" when it came to love...........but now I realize I was never a "late bloomer" to begin with. I was always aspiring for a more profound kind of love that just takes longer to find..............and the source of my frustration was that I felt, because of my Asperger's and all................I was incapable of loving and it was something I could never have, even though I kept writing erotic poetry anyway because I felt best each day vicariously dwelling in that beautiful realm...........and also because I couldn't name the kind of love I identified with anyway. Now I finally know the name of it after writing recent poems inspired by thoughts and feelings I had for that Tantrika as I anticipated meeting her again, and how other Tantra meet-ups I've attended made me feel...........Tantric love! ^__^ * * So, truth be told, the end of this first quarter-century of my life has been very intensely emotional...............where my heart can't help but ache because now that I know what I want more than ever, and that it's real and I'm capable of it.............my heart is beating louder than ever to be loved........................and yet I also believe it is no accident that all of these developments are happening within the last week and a half of this first quarter-life century of my life...............it is setting the stage for the next quarter-century of my life. I am marvelously optimistic about everything that shines ahead of me on the Path of life. I believe that the first quarter-century of my life can be summarized as a "young man's struggle for love and acceptance" as my friend Morgana de Fata put so accurately and eloquently..........and also a triumphant testament to the character of resilience and perseverance.............and while I don't want to get too far of myself and to keep focused on the present, I do believe that the second quarter-century of my life will largely center around my metamorphosis into a fully-realized, conscious human being through love and the imbuing of spirituality in every aspect of my life. I've recently been reading some of Osho's work (considered instrumental in the understanding and teaching of Tantra) as well as Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" and Neale Donald Walsch's "Conversations with God" series (I'm presently reading the "Happier Than God" installment) and I was struck by something I read in Chapter 4 of "Happier Than God".............that, as George Bernard Shaw said: "All great truths begin as blasphemies!"..............and the idea that "you can be happier than God" is one such example right now: * * "What a thought! What a concept! It's revolutionary! So a lot of people have been resisting it. For years they've been pushing against it, denying it, even making it "wrong". * * Also, during the closing night at ErosFest Northwest, my friend Rowdy, who was the festival Accountant, recommended a book titled "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle to me, which I hurried to check out at the library during the week after the festival, and though the entire book hit home to me, my eyes really opened up to this passage on pages 13-15 of the text: * * "You used the word Being. Can you explain what you mean by that?" * * As you are all well aware, I both feel and think deeply all the time, and so I certainly am still coming to terms with how to experience Being in steps. In fact, I invite y'all to just shout "Just shut up and dance!" at me..............it would do me a lot of good! LOL! So I've realized that, while the scars I've been afflicted with before are real and it is natural to feel sad every once in a while in life..............there is a difference between being sad and being unhappy, and I, myself, was misled into believing that happiness isn't our natural state of being, and thus this "quarterlife crisis" I sensed I was haunted by before was NOT real and all came about because of my preoccupation with the incessant mental noise in my head. While I've always been a generally optimistic person in terms of human nature, believing that we're all inherently good people and that opportunity is born out of chaos..............I nonetheless, up to this year, depended on a finite entity ever too much to provide me solace and much of what I desired, and the notion that we possess Divinity within ourselves never really crossed my mind...........that we are all entitled to this "Process of Personal Creation" as Neale Donald Walsch terms it, or this "power of life to produce more life." (Walsch 48) that comes in the form of a gift called "attraction" from a benevolent and compassionate Deity, that is "a tool with two handles-----one in God's hands and one in ours."..................and that the "ability to create your reality is an expression of Divinity"(Walsch 53) and that is why it always works and it is impossible NOT to work.............because it is a fundamental principle of the universe and is the nature of things. I was oblivious to the fact that the great gift of God is that we are empowered with this continuous power that is continuously on; this "systematic process of cause-and-effect that never shuts down" (Walsch 53) and that God IS that process, God IS that system................and THAT is precisely what God means when saying "I am with you always, even unto the end of time..." That Life............indubitably...........is God: * * "It is God being God, and becoming what God is next going to Be. This is a complex and extraordinary system that includes a Process that produces an Expression called life. * * When reading that passage, I felt this rush of ebullience surge through me............depicting myself with that tool in my hand like some divining rod..........and yet I knew that to call that Great Mystery "God" would mean envisioning a finite entity that I could become overly dependent on again............and I needed, more than anything, to identify with the feeling of my own presence above all else as an open concept. Thus, I have enthusiastically begun my journey down the Tantric path. After all, expansion and liberation is what I've long sought, and the name of this over seventy-century old spiritual philosophy is a combination of two Sanskrit roots; Tan signifying "expansion" and Tra signifying "liberation". Obviously I am at the beginning of this journey, and I have a whole lot left to learn, but from what I've gathered thus far, according to Tantra, struggle is the essence of life, and it is the intestinal fortitude to struggle against all obstacles and to accept everything rather than resist where the true spirit of Tantra shines. In the past, I had resisted so much, and I don't deny I still do even when I'm becoming more aware of the old habit...............but this year I have learned to be grateful for even my worst injuries and heartaches in life............for they have shaped and molded me into the unique, capable individual I am today.........and even while I'll still endure sadder days than others in the future, I will become grateful for every outcome from here on out, even when it is an undesirable outcome..........because I have recognized that happiness is not getting what you want but, rather, wanting what you get.............and that, even if I'm not consciously aware of it at the time, I will thank the Great Mystery for each gift I'm given, and resting assured that with it holds a treasure that will be proven to me in due time if I allow that chance to unfurl.............and in doing that I see that my experience, along with the universe, is constantly expanding, constantly weaving............which is what Tantra is all about to me. Since early August I have started as regularly as possible attending events hosted by the Portland Tantric Meetup.........including a Massage A Trois last month where I both practiced and experienced the art of triad message with my friends Donna Marie Prock and Bruce Bartlett, a dynamic discussion titled "The Essence of Shiva: An Encounter with the Divine Masculine" and two of three installments of Michael Forster's "The Art of Tantric Breathwork" series..................and have also embraced a touch-positive community known as LoveTribe: a heart-conscious, sex-positive community that recognizes that we are all connected on a spiritual or energetic level; recognizing we reside in a culture where our bodies have been commodified and commercialized and has left us with a scarcity mentality that is illusionary, and aspires to help us reconnect with our spiritual, playful, true selves, where its diverse slate of volunteers and members seek to create gatherings where we can learn and practice skills for getting our needs for authentic connection, affection and play met in healthy, caring ways..............safe, sane and consensually...........where I also feel right at home in! ^__^ The main reason, say, my Note from two years ago lacked a feeling of inner-peace was because, at the time, I lacked discernment. I was unfamiliar with the great Principles of Life, including the Law of Opposites, which is based on the principle: "In the absence of that which you are not, that which you are is not." I failed to recognize the reality that life can't be experienced in a vacuum, that life must be lived contextually so that one can actually experience at full capacity what we choose to live, and that I recognized opposites in the past as hurdles on the 400-meter relay course of existence, as electric fences, rather than as certain signs that I was on the right path toward which I was seeking and fully experiencing that positive outcome. But now I believe from the bottom of my heart that there is beauty in opposites and, moreover, they actually work in concert with each other like gears in a finely tuned watch as is often figuratively described..............which is also what Tantra teaches us I've come to learn. As you observed from reading my latest emotional experience at and post-ErosFest earlier in this Note, I was surely frustrated, and surely felt some sadness..............but unlike before where I got especially hard on myself.............I feel a sense of satisfaction, assurance and comfort from my present situation..............where before I felt like I was incessantly up against the wall, but now I feel like I'm standing in front of a doorway and I've found the courage to open it and continue my journey. I feel this sense of discernment I previously lacked in my life, and that is especially what makes me feel incredibly bubbly and optimistic as I celebrate the dawn of my 26th year in existence. * * In closing, I'll say now what I said at the beginning of this note. It's impossible for me not to cry today..............because I feel in all 206 bones in my body that I've come a long way this year, that I've accomplished so much, that I've opened up dramatically (I've actually gotten a half a dozen messages where people that have already known me said how inspiring they find my efforts to transform my life particularly on the social front, saying things like I've "really exploded out of your shell" to that I've "set a golden example for other young men like yourself".)...............and that I could summon the will to accomplish this much and shatter many barriers in barely over half a year, that I found the courage to take risks, recognizing that I'll be happy each time I win and even if I lose I'll still be wise and feel comfort from it in result..............instigates this illustrious catharsis of emotion to me, crying crystalline tears of elation........and saying "Thank you, Great Mystery!" as I do so. I have much more to learn and still have a long way to go, but that's what life is truly all about...........and I am incredibly happy today, so incredibly happy to be alive, so incredibly happy to be living, so incredibly happy for Life..........especially considering how far I've come this year alone.................and I can feel with every fiber of my being that this next quarter-century of my life will be even happier for me because I'm finally coming into Being............I know now I'm not merely capable of love and will find love someday...............I AM love, and I AM loved...........and that where love is present, there is always opportunity.........and I will never again resist opportunity. It's a most radiant feeling that cannot be matched, and when its warm, opaline light is so consummate that it blinds you with ecstasy..............how can you not cry your heart out in unfathomable joy?  Often many are astounded when they hear of how far I've hitchhiked across the Portland metropolitan area just to effectuate a volunteer undertaking; whether it's as far north as Vancouver, Washington to help out at a no-kill animal shelter, as far east as Troutdale for the 2009 Women In Trades Career Fair, as far west as Hillsboro for the 2nd Annual Tour de Parks and as far south as Wilsonville for the Wilsonville Arts Festival. But when I put it all into perspective, figuratively speaking, it pales in comparison to how long I've hitchhiked the sky with conflagrant cynosure in my blue lace agate eyes............searching high and wide with wind-swept wanderlust for the lotus-kissed lambency of Essence in all things. The Great Mystery is well-aware of just how raw and blistered my feet are, but I proudly show off them as badges, for as Lillian Smith said: "I soon realized that no journey carries one far unless, as it extends into the world around us, it goes an equal distance into the world within."..............and in journeying on for the sake of journeying on, with no fixed plans and no intent on arrival................has brought so much vigor to my mind this year.............and I would hitchhike across each continental shelf to reach into the deepest bailiwicks of my being and become the most self-actualized soul I could be. (wipes tears) I just want to thank every one of you reading this for your warmth, love, friendship and acceptance, who make this day and every day after all the more special for me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I believe it's time for me to shut up and dance! Awwww, what the hey, let's throw an Ecstatic Dance party right now! I'll bring my "Dead Can Dance" CDs! All you have to do is BYOB (Bring Your Own Bliss) ^__^ * XOXO, Lisping Hibiscus "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other" Mother Teresa [This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (10-28-2009 06:01 PM).] |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
Awwwwwwwwwww, thanks Alison for your wonderful birthday blessings! To be honest, birthdays have never been eventful days for me. I think often, when many treat them as religious holidays almost and expect a parade of exciting things to happen during them, birthdays can tend to come across as disappointing days when one holds high expectations like that. To me, I'm perfectly fine with birthdays being just a handful more simple days among others.........because ultimately a birthday is little more than a number + 1. So, my birthday has actually been a very uneventful day, but a comfortable one nonetheless. I do believe birthdays have meaning, though, in that they tend to be more sentimental than most other days and so that gives one the opportunity to reflect on ones year and experiences more clearly and vividly................and that's why I write Notes like the one shared here!  Again, thanks soooooooooo much, Alison, you're one of the best friends one can ever ask for! XOXO, Lisping Hibiscus "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other" Mother Teresa |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
Yay, thanks Margherita! Nothing real special has happened today for me, where it's actually been more inactive than an average volunteering day, LOL, but I still am in good spirits and feel most happy where I am in spite of my continued longing for a few things in my life. Life is good today, and my life will only continue to get happier from here on out! Hope you're having a wonderful week yourself, my friend, bless you for being the most radiant spirit you are! XOXO, Lisping Hibiscus "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other" Mother Teresa |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
Thanks for your most warm, effervescent birthday wishes, Maureen! (huggies) I absolutely believe this 26th year of my life will be even more joyous than the 25th year of my life. I believe the 25th year represented the beginning of a transformation for me, that will continue going into this new year ahead and likely even beyond that. If I can be abruptly blessed with soooooooooo much this past week, I'm absolutely convinced the Great Mystery has much more in store for me. All I have to do is take it one step at a time! Bless you, my friend, hope you and your loved ones are well! XOXO, Lisping Hibiscus "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other" Mother Teresa |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
Awwwwwwwwwwww, thanks Suthern! Even while I now identify myself more as "Lisping Hibiscus", I believe the "Mistletoe Angel" name will always hold deep relevance and truth to the deepest depths of what I truly am...............a still water running deep that means different things to different people but with all the contradictions ultimately unifying to the complete, diverse person that I am. And for that I'm grateful somehow that I can't change my account name, LOL!  Bless you, my friend, have a most lovely day! XOXO, Lisping Hibiscus "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other" Mother Teresa |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
Mmmmmmmmmmm, thanks Kacy! (huggies) Hopefully the cake I'm provided won't have artificial additives this time around (I actually didn't eat any of my last three birthday cakes because they were baked using Duncan Hines cake mix, which has partially-hydrogenated oils, polysorbate 60 and other highly-processed ingredients in it!  ). So I just blew the candle on the cake but didn't eat any of it! Oh well, majority rules!  Hope all is well on the West Coast and your days haven't been as "Poohey" lately! XOXO, Lisping Hibiscus "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other" Mother Teresa |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
Awwwwwwwwwwwww, thanks Martie! You're right, it is a great day to have a birthday on. I've been told, actually, October 28th is arguably the single most "intense" day in all the Western zodiac! Imagine being my parent and having to raise and put up with one of the most intense babies in existence!  Also, in Numerology, when you add up 2 + 8 after the two numbers in my birthday, you get a zero, which is a highly auspicious number! Thanks sooooooooooo much for your warm friendship as always, dearest friend! XOXO, Lisping Hibiscus "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other" Mother Teresa |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, thanks dearest Angel of the Earth! It's almost terrifying knowing there's still soooooooooooooooo much out there I have yet to experience and learn! It makes me think of this episode of "The Simpsons" where Homer panicked "Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain!" Won't it everrrrrrrrrrr stopppppppppp?  Yep, my lotus petals have certainly unfurled dramatically this year, and I am absolutely convinced I'll continue to blossom into an ever more exotic flower in the year(s) ahead! Who knows, I might even eat some of the lotus petals...............who knows what chimeric shenanigans I'll cause next if that happens! Thank you for being one of the best friends one could ever ask for, dearest Linda! (big huggies) XOXO, Lisping Hibiscus "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other" Mother Teresa |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Noah, just answered you in chat message in Facebook. As I do not know if what I wrote went through I thought I'd stop in here and tell you. I hope your birthday celebration goes on for the whole year.You have done a lot already. I am amazed how much you have done with your life. Your beginning must have been so hard for you until you later found out what the problem was. You have more than a book in you.In fact it is almost written. If you go back through all you have already shared with all of us I think you will find that is so. sincerely, latearrival / jo |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
Awwwwwwwwwww, thanks, dearest Jo! Your friendly words here truly made me tear up! (huggies) Both my dakini (I still consider her "my dakini" and a lifetime inspiration because, despite perhaps not having a follow-up session as was originally intended due to matters in her own life, she still brought out my awakening and also was instrumental in making me feel and reflect on so much I hadn't previously endured, plus she's still meeting with me to offer advice on how to ask others for love and passion).........other friends I've made at ErosFest Northwest and some I've met volunteering at other venues have suggested I pen a book eventually centered around the story of a young autistic person's struggle for love and acceptance, and eventually finding himself and great peace of mind and joy through volunteering, Tantra and sex-positive culture, and motivating others with social differences through that effort. I certainly want to get around to doing that without doubt, and my constant journal-writing/blogging will provide ample fodder for such an undertaking. I feel, before I especially get serious about a book though, I first need to advance my journey into Tantra a bit more, as well as experience the next effects of my recent awakening and perhaps endure some experience where I'm actually connecting with another like-minded autistic individual and motivate him/her in the process...........otherwise it wouldn't feel complete and you'd essentially be getting only a portion of my story, thus it wouldn't provide a persuasive, moving final product. In any case, I intend not to step backward, neither will I step off to the side. I'm moving forward, and will continue to expand myself, which will include ways that no one would have ever guessed I would before! For one, I'm going to be doing some sensual modeling next week, with additional subsequent shoots, and not long after you will get to see some (probably not all! ) of the pictures, where I will bare it all and I will share the pictures without sensitive area nudity, which will reflect the poetry of my mind, body and spirit. I've always had the utmost admiration for those who have the confidence (I strongly disfavor non-consensual photography of course, especially of children) to take their clothes off in front of a camera and celebrate their natural essence, but I previously lacked the courage to do it myself...........until this year when I suddenly started getting all these compliments about how beautiful my body was and how I had some of the sexiest yet gentle eyes one had ever seen..........and in becoming consciously aware of the personal politics of repression in our culture, I have found an incredible confidence to open myself up like this and stand for the celebration and love of ones body. I also am hoping to write and perform a puppet show with the non-profit Kids On The Block sooner rather than later, where volunteers/participants incorporate positive life lessons to children through the art of puppeteering. I want to write and perform one centered around the issue of celebrating difference and diversity and the beauty of being an individual. On top of that, I'm trying out acting for the first time in a while (I'll be playing a late Oregon Poet Laureate named Samel Simpson at the fifth-annual "Tour of Untimely Departures" in Portland for Halloween, I still volunteer regularly virtually everywhere from Loaves & Fishes to homeless shelters to book banks to invasive English Ivy removal efforts from city parks to festivals, etc., make regular contributions to radio theater (KBOO Community Radio's "The UBU Hour"), news production and helping moderate a weekly podcast put together by my fellow Erosfestidian Adonis King about the sex-positive movement, among other things. * Again, thanks soooooooooooo much for your beautiful birthday blessings! I'll be honest...........my birthday was actually an inactive, boring day because I had no particular volunteer opportunity scheduled for the day and most people I know work during the week and this day, well, happened to be right in the middle of the work week, LOL.............but it was still an enjoyable day thanks to all of you! XOXO, Lisping Hibiscus "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other" Mother Teresa |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
 Happy Birthday Noah! OK, I'm a day late, but no less enthusiastic to say Happy Birthday to youuuuuu! Coincidentally I was talking to someone yesterday and telling her about your travels and excitement in the volunteer field over the last while Noah. I'm so very happy for you. Keep smiling sweet Noah, it suits you well. Best wishes and sending birthday hugs, /Kit |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
Awwwwwwwwwww, thanks Kit, yay! (huggies) You did what now?!!! Oh Gosh-Gollies, I'm honored to hear that, as it is one thing to encounter friends locally who tell me they thought about me as of late, but to hear that come from internationally is something ever more fascinating altogether! (huggies) Thanks sooooooooo much for sharing that, my friend, it means the most to me! For you and all that's joyous in the world I will do just that! Bless you, my friend! XOXO, Lisping Hibiscus "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other" Mother Teresa |
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sandgrain Member Elite
since 1999-09-21
Posts 3662Sycamore, IL, USA |
I, too, am late for the date, but I do wish you a year of tremendous blessings, Noah. Belated Happy Birthday! Rae |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
i am late sorry noah i do so enjoy your mind your poetry aint half bad either |
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