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passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced

0 posted 2008-12-21 02:26 PM



Hello All

Well, first to start off, Georgia had let me go from jail without filing an arrest warrant for my violation of probation but they were talking about a probation revocation hearing and trying to get me moved up there so they could supervise me. Not sure that went over any better for me than a lead balloon.

Well, John came down from Arkansas when I got let out of jail. After thinking (somewhat briefly) of the consequences, I got all my things out of storage and left the state. I am living in Arkansas with John now. So therefore, I have violated my probation in both GA and FL now since I got probation for the DUI charge as well as already being on probation for GA for the threats charge.

I guess it was a bit overwhelming. I lost my job, no car, no place to live. I really hope the judge will understand.

Good news though...we are getting married though we haven't set a date and the wedding won't really be a big thing. Just probably a small ceremony done by the pastor at our church.

So here I am in Arkansas...the land of cattle and horses and not much of anything else. There was about 2 inches of snow and ice when I got here Tuesday. Culture shock is not even the right word.

But at least I have dial-up internet and can be on here more than I have been.

Ya'll just keep praying!

© Copyright 2008 Dixie Lee Bullington - All Rights Reserved
Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586
Oklahoma USA
1 posted 2008-12-21 03:16 PM


Oh Dixie, I sure wish you hadn't of broken your probation. I wish you all the best.

[This message has been edited by Oklahoma Rose (12-21-2008 03:50 PM).]

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
2 posted 2008-12-21 03:41 PM


"So therefore, I have violated my probation in both GA and FL now since I got probation for the DUI charge as well as already being on probation for GA for the threats charge"

Dixie, I do care...but I wish you would have had John come there to help you  and stayed put..you once again are jeopardizing your freedom and future... it will catch up with you eventually.

Wishing you only the best.

M

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (12-21-2008 04:57 PM).]

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
3 posted 2008-12-21 04:02 PM


Dear Dixie, I do hope and pray the judge will understand.
I am happy to hear you have plans to get married. That will help you no doubt to live more serenely.
All my best!
It will be nice to have you more often on the blue pages!
Love and hugs.
Margherita

"Love is the One who masters all things;
I am mastered totally by Love."
(Rumi)

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
4 posted 2008-12-21 04:30 PM


Dixie, echoing everything Maureen said, out of care and concern and tough love.

Please think carefully before rushing into marriage, especially to somebody who supports your breaking your probation, and thus the law.  I can imagine many of the reasons you could come up with for it being right, but please think carefully and rationally of the long term repercussions.  Remember that you have made mistakes in the past - and the present.    Don't let this be another one.

Please don't hate me for what I have said - or if you do, at least understand that it is tough love - and tough love isn't "lovable".  

Tough love
- Owl

Alison
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since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
5 posted 2008-12-21 04:35 PM


Think I'll just take my response private.

I love you, girly girl.

xoxo
A

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
6 posted 2008-12-21 04:47 PM


Dixie, it's not a matter of loving you or not...and it's not a matter of privacy or you wouldn't have posted in announcements with your plans...

It's a matter of those who care for you wanting you to do the "right" thing and get the worst behind you.

You know me well enough over the years to know that I have been a champion for you  straightening out your life, so I will not on here in a reply or in  an email "coddle" you and make it sound like what you are doing is good for you.

I have always wanted the best for you and hope you can see that from those of us who are responding to you during these trying times.

You know where I am if you need some guidance.


M

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
7 posted 2008-12-21 10:15 PM


thanks to each of you for replying with care and concern like this

I realize the mistakes I make and this is probably another one of them, but the system makes it hard to do "the right thing".

Probation is harder than people think if they haven't been on it before. I was bound to break it even if I'd have stayed in Florida. Not having a job makes it impossible to pay the costs. Not having a car makes it hard to get back and forth to do the community service hours and DUI school and the other places I had to go. And last but not least, having nowhere to live didn't make it any easier either. That alone is a violation in itself.

Probation officers are of no help in these matters...no matter how much you are trying to do the right thing. It's like they want you to fail.

So I don't regret this decision. I'd rather do the time and get it all over with and be off probation for good. I tried to ask the judge for straight time instead of probation for the DUI but the lawyer said there is a statute that prevents that. So I had two choices...take it to trial (where I would be found guilty and serve the max time) or take the plea offer and violate probation for not being able, not having the means to complete the requirements.

Once you get into trouble and enter the system, you never get out. That's the way it is. From now on, I won't take any more plea offers or probation, no matter how many years I will have to do straight out.


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

8 posted 2008-12-22 12:18 PM


Dixie?

You can do your probation--and with a record of good behavior behind you--granted, I mean YEARS--you can have your record expunged.

As a sister rebel, you know I understand how a piece of cheese in the trap seems like the better deal, but you can find your way out of the maze. You can.

Y'just gotta pass up some of that cheese.

With love and all my best wishes,

Karen the Future Thrift Store Clerk

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
9 posted 2008-12-22 06:14 AM


Either way, Dix, you will be serving time...whether in fear of being caught or getting it over with in the system.

I wish  for you that you have made the choice that will benefit you the most. I also wish that I had been able to help you. You are young enough with plenty of years left to make a new life for yourself... I, along with others, am hoping that happens sooner rather than later.

please be safe
M

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace
10 posted 2008-12-22 11:10 AM


Dix,

First of all you know you are loved here. I wasn’t going to post on this thread but out of friendship I am compelled to do so.

I know you will be angry with me as I write this but I must. I AM your friend and in saying that I must ask you NOT to do this not only for you… but for your future and …for the man that you love.

As a former law enforcement officer here I know things …and this is what I know…Since leaving the state you now will have a new charge with new charge time, there will be a warrant for your arrest and they will also contact Ga. .… it is felony probation violation which they will add on to the time you already have. You may even have 2 new charges one from FL and 1 from Ga. If caught you will be extradited back to Fl. And you will be charged with this new crime. You are now a fugitive from justice from a felony. You place John in a bad place too as he could be charged with concealing and aiding a fugitive, if they choose to charge him.

I read where you said you hope the judge will understand… unfortunately most judges do not understand as they feel you made choices and now you have chosen to flee. I do not agree with all of the rules or all of the laws but it is what we have and what we have to deal with.

Please contact your attorneys and advise them of what you have done. You said pray for you and I AM. I am also praying that you go back and turn yourself in. The problems that you had were real and difficult to deal with but I am sorry to say you have just made them worse. I know you and maybe others will think I am being harsh with you but I do care about you and I am only telling you the stone cold truth. I believe you deserve that.

Please think about what you are doing.

Look if you think that I think doing the right thing is easy. I don’t!!!

Let me tell you a little of my latest personal history that not many people here know. I am unemployed right now and can not find a job any where, giving up my job that I worked so hard to get and loved so very much that it hurts me to my bones as a deputy. I had to make some choices. I either had to turn my head and play the game or do the right thing. Well I did the right thing and I was black listed at work. As a result I had to resign. I made tough decisions that took a very harsh toll on my life but these are things I can live with. I can not find an attorney that will take my case for fear and I can’t afford any good ones as I can not afford them. So you see we ALL do time. So see I don’t think you doing the right thing is easy. But let me tell you the right thing is ALWAYS the right thing. Dix I pray for you, I do.


Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
11 posted 2008-12-22 12:57 PM


Oh Dixie, I fear this was a major mistake on your part. You must understand, all these replies are meant to assist you in moving forward. The steps you take now endanger not only yourself, but the one you say you love. Love and running away won't set the records straight, and I fear you've compounded all the issues.
Listen carefully to our fine lady slick, as she gives you sound good advice, out of true caring and concern.
Be safe...but please, take control of what's left of your life. You may not understand where I am at in my own life right now...but am battling cancer for sheer survival. Use your time wisely, and think of your family as well. Jail time and probation will never be easy...they aren't MEANT to be a cake walk.
Enough said, I still wish you well, and that for once you will gain the resolve and strength to make better choices.

latearrival
Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499
Florida
12 posted 2008-12-22 02:43 PM


Dixie, Please read what the others have said with an open mind. I was so hoping you would be given  a choice to go to rehab. Six months there will at least give you a place to live with food and help. You know I know of this. Maybe Ga. was the place to go if they would be willing to give you that help. Ask your lawyers  to help you get to a good rehab place. Look how many well known people go. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is better than a quickie marriage and as they said it only brings John into jeopary along with you. If he is "thee ONE" he will stand by you . YOU ARE LOVED.
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
13 posted 2008-12-23 01:31 AM


All   I do appreciate the advice which is what I was looking for in putting this announcement here.

I love each of you for helping and being there for me.

I have been in serious thinking mode and was thinking about turning myself in though I haven't exactly broken probation yet. I was scheduled to go into my 3rd probation officer on the 29th. Yes, I have 3 of them.

Helen, I'm sorry about your job and being blacklisted. That's so messed up and I'd have been the first one there fighting the system for you! (back in the day when I was a good girl and believed in the justice system and even got my degree in it) But times have changed since I am a criminal now (4 and a half months in jail and 5 years probation "felony" for sending emails) my whole life is messed up. It's a sad thing and if I could change it all, I would. I know you are a good friend and I know you are trying to help and I really wish you wouldn't have been put in the position where you had to do the right thing and lose your job. Sometimes "the right thing" just isn't the best thing for paying the bills. Heck, just look how the drug dealers are living!

Kacy, if I could change my life with yours I would. I would take your cancer battle on any day! And do it like wildfire! But I can't. It's just good to know we don't walk alone.

MartyJo, always my inspiration telling me I am loved....and that's how I know I will get through this fine. I might be old and gray when I finally get out of this justice system, but I will get out. I haven't killed anyone so they can't hold me forever.

Love you each so much!

Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
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In Your Poetic Mind
14 posted 2008-12-23 09:08 PM


I cant help but think what a horrible mistake you are indeed making....

this is not a step in moving forward for you, but backwards... and as Maureen said it will

catch up with you....I appreciate and respect each time you lay yourself on the line here,

giving updates on life, but in the same sense can not help but feel sorry for you, for not

realizing these are your mistakes... the system didnt put you in it, you put yourself there

with some bad choices...granted we all make mistakes I have made more then my share...

this is not OKAY dixie to just "brush" aside, not only for you, but for everyone else here

at pip that you have sorry, selfishly put upon them with the legal aspects of it all....

you can only run for so long....my advice for what its worth, go back and face the music,

it should not even be a question of serious thinking to turn yourself in....if you really

want to get out from underneath all of this that would be the right thing to do....

I pray for you, in hopes you will get your life back in order and take the steps you need

to take care of yourself....of course no one can make you do anything so to speak, it has

to come from you!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, I hope it's a better one for you, I really do.....

~~**~~
I never let one moment define me,
I define myself by all moments and how they teach and touch me......02  

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
15 posted 2008-12-24 12:33 PM


Dixie ...

I don't know much (other than how to write useless 'poetry') but, (in my magnificently disastrous life) I have learned one 'certain certainty' which is that the real 'operative principle' of the contemporary "Runaway American Dream's" (in)'justice' system ... is "Guilty until Proven Rich" [all of us 'little people' will NEVER successfully 'beat (nor 'hide from') the system' if you try, it will ultimately bury you] ... and, the cliche "JUSTICE is blind" should really read: "the 'LAW' is now blind ... and that is why true 'justice' is seldom seen"!

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
16 posted 2008-12-25 04:25 AM


Lauren, you have made me cry tears tonight and I appreciate that. It makes me realize that I am sorry for my mistakes, both past and present. I always regretted how it was with us as friends here and what transpired.

You do speak the truth and I know you do sincerely pray for the best for me. Wise woman, you are, and I have really always looked up to you.

I am in a situation that I have no real hope of getting out of. I have told my PO that I have nowhere to live, no job, no money, and she doesn't help me with any suggestions other than homeless shelters. Backed into a corner where I don't know what else to do. It's hard.

I've been here for 9 years and i have grown attached to many people who want to know how I am doing so I keep the updates. That's all.

I know I let many people down. I know I make mistakes. I do things and have done things that I wish I didn't do. Here I am almost 40 years old and still in trouble with the law when I was the pursuer of justice not so long ago. Hard to think I'd end up like this because of an addiction to alcohol.

I cried out for help but no one heard it. Even the judge in my DUI case didn't care. It was only a misdemeanor DUI so a rehab wasn't an option. I guess I would have had to kill someone in order to get help that I can't afford.

Like Huan Yi keeps saying about my talent and gift and my life being so wasted...he's right. Things happen. And this is what I am dealing with. I made my decision and my mistakes. I just want to keep everyone informed of where I am but maybe I shouldn't bother.

We have had our differences in the past but I want you to know I sincerely appreciate your input here for me on this thread. You have really touched me to know that you care enough about another human being like me to reach out to say what you believe.

thank you

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
17 posted 2008-12-25 04:35 AM


Bruce.... thank you for understanding

I'm not rich at all in monetary value but in love, in friends, in thankfulness, I am. The Runaway American Dream.....ha

yeah. Just thank you.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
18 posted 2008-12-25 04:38 AM


one other thing before I go....

Ron and Karilea

I know I let you guys down and I'm sorry for that.

Really. I am.


Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
19 posted 2008-12-25 05:40 AM


Dearest Dixie, it's Christmas and I want to send you a big hug and let you feel the warmth of love. What everybody here is actually saying, each in his/her own way, is: We love you!
Yes, you are very much loved. And please also consider, that we all make so called mistakes in our lives, but what they really are, is EXPERIENCE, LESSONS OF LIFE. And from what I get you are learning some tough lessons. In the final outcome, everything we experience is a gift, as it helps us to evolve, to grow in awareness, to live life consciously, knowing that we are not "accidents", we are precious human beings, coming from the same Source.
You have the opportunity, like all of us, to learn your lessons.
PLEASE CONTINUE TO WRITE, your talent is wonderful and what you are experiencing needs to be shared.
I love you. You are a perfect expression of love and beauty, learning to walk the path we are all learning to walk.
Margherita

SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
20 posted 2008-12-25 10:56 AM


Merry Christmas Angel


Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
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In Your Poetic Mind
21 posted 2008-12-26 07:40 PM


which state did th dui happen in?

if you ar only facing probation why run?? this is not a situtation thats totaly helpless....most states only require a few months or so....and time served....so i must be missing something? email me....

there is ALWAYS HOPE!!

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia
22 posted 2008-12-26 07:58 PM


just sending you my love and hugs lovely Dixie girl ... love and hugs...   

RDB xx

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
23 posted 2008-12-27 02:52 PM


thanks ladies You are each a blessing.

Lauren, I emailed you and thank you If it didn't go through please email me with your address so I can talk with you directly.

good tears, thanks all

Greeneyes
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since 2000-09-09
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In Your Poetic Mind
24 posted 2008-12-27 04:30 PM


I got the email.... will email you back asap...

~~**~~
I never let one moment define me,
I define myself by all moments and how they teach and touch me......02  

Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
25 posted 2008-12-27 07:49 PM


Dixie,

A little tough love is always good and I admire Lauren for putting it out like she saw it.  Honestly, I see that you are making mistakes too, but I am not in your shoes - and, God knows, I have made my share of mistakes too.  I do not want to see you build upon the mistakes that you have made already, and I am hoping in time that you will find a way to use your talent in a productive manner.  

I agree with John (Huan Yi) - you should write.  You have stories to tell that many of us will never see - you have poetic talent that amazes me.  I do hope that you are keeping a journal through all this time.  There is a book in your mistakes - and there is a book in the aspects of your life that are not mistakes.  We only are hearing about the upheaval right now.  We'll hear about the calm again in time.

I, for one, would worry if you did not post updates.  I don't email you much one-on-one and I choose to read your updates.  Please, don't stop them

Again, I appreciate all the posts to you on this thread.   Yes, there are times that I want to shake you and say .. stop the madness!  But, darlin', I am only looking through a one-way mirror - I don't see the entire picture.

I think of you.

Love,
Alison

latearrival
Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499
Florida
26 posted 2008-12-27 08:09 PM


My dear,You are indeed LOVED by all here. Otherwise they  would just skip over this thread. You and I have been  together  long befor PIP. We know each other pretty much now.  Know then that YOU ARE LOVED. "Late"
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
27 posted 2008-12-30 02:54 AM


Lauren thank you so much for all of your help and caring and prayers. You are a blessing.

Alison, I can only thank you for your encouragement of my writing and for being such a good friend to me here. Your words and feelings mean so much!

MartyJo, my constant angel...thank you. Yes it's been a long time and we know each other pretty darn well (and I'm grateful for that) Love you!

To all on this thread: my deepest thanks and love. You will never know how much it means to me to have you all here.


HopeS
Member Elite
since 2000-12-22
Posts 4596
Perth Western Australia
28 posted 2008-12-30 12:35 PM


Dixie friend , Wishing you the best for 2009 , you will be in my thoughts and prayers  


Hugs Hope

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
29 posted 2008-12-30 01:30 PM


Well, Dixie Girl, a difficult year for you is coming to a close. May the coming new one be one of healing, closure, and new beginnings.

Best to you and yours in 2009,
Linda



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