I hope I did this right and it's not Dep Mod

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Auguste

Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 3953
By the sea

0 posted 2003-11-16 12:47 PM

I love Dep Mod, so please don't misunderstand me.  I'm needing to post in Announcements and think I've found it.  I know that sounds stupid, in case I am already doing so, but my memory is so in and out these days, my short term memory, being especially fried.

As for an update, I still can't remember how to write, how to paint, what day, date, month it is, sometimes not even if I've eaten.  There are no caretakers, I take care of myself.  My weight loss has stablized, I beleive, or at least slowed down.

I've always loved Passions and very dearly.  It has heart, unlike most of the other poetry sites on the web, Passions gives a damn about ALL of its members, even the poet wannabe's, like me.

One day I'll be able to remember how to write and paint again, but right now my memory is so far gone.  It saddens me more than anyone could realize, even my own family.  My ability to paint, to create something lasting, saddens me the most.  I WANT to paint again, also to write, but writing is secondary to my painting, as I've always been an artist.

I don't know what I'm saying, only that I love and miss each one of you.  You can't imagine how much you've always been loved and how I miss you.

Passions is *home* and now I am having a problem of finding my way here.  Does that make any kind of sense?  I want to come home again.  I want to hear from my friends.  I need my memory stirred. I'll answer any e-mails you send.

I so miss you all, SO miss you!!!

Michael

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

1 posted 2003-11-16 03:50 AM

Michael, you are often in my prayers. How terribly difficult this all must be for such a creative and vital man such as yourself. You are greatly missed here at Passions and everyone is rooting for a recovery!

Loving, healing hugs,
Linda
PS It was wonderful to see that you dropped by! Keep us posted! You have a lot of friends here!

[This message has been edited by Earth Angel (11-16-2003 03:51 AM).]

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

2 posted 2003-11-16 08:15 AM

Well said, Michael... Passions loves you too - Be well - God Bless...

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

3 posted 2003-11-16 10:14 AM

You are missed, but not forgotten. I do understand this heartache of not being able to create. It's an ache that permeates every pore, every breath. Do you ever just sit at the easel with paintbrush in hand, and let yourself touch brush to paint to canvas, 'as if?' I believe the art is still there, the knowledge is there, definitely the desire. Is there some way I can help you put all these things together?
Heart hugs, please know we think of you often. Kacy

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

4 posted 2003-11-16 12:06 PM

Michael, you found your way just fine, my friend.

Thanks so much for letting us know how things are going. I'm glad to hear you weight has stabalized. How has the fishing been going? Have you been out in the boat?

Michael, you are always close in my thoughts. You take care of you, and I hope that paintbrush begins to call to you before long.

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

5 posted 2003-11-16 02:42 PM

Hello my friend. So good to see you posting and keeping us updated. You will never be lost at Passions - we are all here for you. Take care. Love & Prayers, Chris

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

6 posted 2003-11-16 03:37 PM

Hey Michael!
We're all right here my friend. You found us just fine. Email me whenever you feel up to it..I would love to hear from you.
You are forever in my thoughts and prayers.
~Hugs, Nancy~

Auguste

Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 3953
By the sea

7 posted 2003-11-17 12:26 PM

I'm managing to eat a little now, though not much, not even a complete meal, but at least I'm no longer throwing up.  The nausea has passed for now, praise God.

I'm skinny, having lost more than 30 pounds, am still having problems remembering when to take my meds, my short term memory still being a HUGE problem.

I still can't remember how to write or paint yet.  It seems that most of my time is spent apologizing for my memory these days and my pain has increased to the point that I can barely take it, spending most of my time in bed to help ease the suffering.  The suffering is very real, I'm walking with a serious limp now and can't walk at all without my cane.  I do very little walking because of the pain and use my wheelchair more than I ever have since this disease first manifested itself.

I wasn't a great poet, not even a particularly good one, but I SO miss sharing my feelings, drawing pictures with words to express what I felt, but what I mostly miss is all of you, being able to share my thoughts.  It's hard now to convery them in poetry, art, or just through an actual conversation.  I hate that!  I just miss everyone, especially myself.  I want "me" back.

Thanks for listening.  My love and dear caring to each of you.  You're great folks, dear friends and the BEST poetry site on the web!!!

God loves you, as do I, believe it.

The stars will shine when I am gone,
the earth will turn on as before,
the gulls, still race along the shore,
the morning star, still kiss the dawn

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

8 posted 2003-11-17 02:50 PM

You are missed Micheal. I hope things are well with you soon. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Cold hands means a warm heart

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

9 posted 2003-11-17 08:32 PM

Michael,
I just want you to know how touching I found your post. I can't say I even have any idea what you must be going through right now, but I do know how it feels to be lost and how good coming home can be. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers
Hugs,
Ruth

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

10 posted 2003-11-18 01:28 PM

Michael, you always have a place to talk to friends here, and I hope you would do that. Take care of yourself, and did you trying doodling? Great inspirations can come as you know from a plain old HB pencil

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.