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It seems I have been overturned
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It seems I have been overturned |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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Picture this - It's the 18th century, you find your dearly beloved, who has been missing for hours, trapped beneath the wheels of a coach...with dignity and strength, he or she attempts to bolster your failing senses by stating lightly 'It seems I have been overturned' - nevermind the blood, the gross picture of destruction, the squealing horses. Then, they gently expire - no shrieks of pain: merely to ease your suffering. And all you can do is run around madly, raving about cucumbers and legs of mutton! Is this fair?? Is this just??? Is this what you would want your beloved to do if you had been the one to die in such terrible, quiet torment? It's UNFAIR I SAY!  K |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Never mind that...I cooked him a roast for supper. What about the devouring plans??? |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Well dear..I'm afraid you'll have to get members of the landed gentry to help you consume it...and the jellies, and the cucumbers..and the mutton...and the delicate whipt pastries... ~shaking head~ Plans must not go to waste! |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
We would have persuaded my mother to have taken a Wing of a Chicken, but she would not be persuaded ... being eminently dead. Oh, reference to the above ... to account for the seeming forgetfullness I must inform you of a trifling circumstance concerning them which I have as yet never mentioned. The death of my Parents a few weeks after my Departure, is the circumstance I allude to. Pity, Father could have done with a steak... |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
I always longed particularly to go to Vaux-hall, to see whether the cold Beef there is cut so thin as it is reported, for I have a sly suspicion that few people understand the art of cutting a slice of cold Beef so well as I do |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
I say! Could this be such? Thus, I have pondered and have discovered there is nothing so heartening as a full larder. Sadly...in accordance with Devouring Plan Act 1 section 2v, all deceased persons must consume at least 5 parts ham, and 3 parts chocolate pudding. You must revive your Father or he shall be mightily and fortrightly puni-shed! |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Alas, I offered him three servings of Whipt sullabyb as he lay on his death bed, pleading that he imbibe some... he tipped the cup to his lips and gasped... "I will" he declared, and instantly Expired. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
How awful... was that your sister and aunt on the couch alternately fainting? |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
alas no...they were actually in the midst of wild frenzies... No, that was Miss Birchenhill and Miss Rouagaldhjgaolsgjdalsgjdlajg...(german girl). I say! Has anyone seen what happened to the 5 pound banknotes? I swear, that evil gentleman who is certainly not of the gentle persuasion has robbed them from me! And I, only having borrowed them from his personal study without his knowledge! I am greatly offended and must soon swoon. And if I swoon too much I will Expire. He must be stopped! Look - there is my love in the distance..to swoon or run madly through the hills in his general direction? Help me! - such a decision is far above my sensibilities. Does anyone have a fat joint of mutton ready? |
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Jeffrey E. Osborne Member
since 2001-11-01
Posts 160out there |
"No mutton here, m'lady although I do have a rather hearty cucumber", he says with a whiplash smile and a curl of his handlebar mustache. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Handle bar moustache? Oh but really - you must be with the times, Sir! You cannot offend such delicate Constitutions with your outrageous and vulgar Dress. I must insist you repair immediately to a Barber of such nature as can transform you into a Gentleman. Hairy cucumbers? Are they not of the Scottish type? Welsh is also acceptable.. |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
A MOUSTACHE??? *swoons in twelve directions*p.s.skcushaon [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (03-15-2002 05:02 AM).] |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I have merely one inquiry... Is being 'overturned' preferable to being 'expunged'?...  |
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Jeffrey E. Osborne Member
since 2001-11-01
Posts 160out there |
"Aye m'lady, the Scottish cucumber, while a little less hairy than its Welsh counterpart, is a good bit longer and has a more curvaceous shape", he says as he runs a hand across his clean shaven face and adjusts his kilt with a flourish. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Aye, she eavesdropped, and heard plans for a fair meal, but first, she had to step over the body in order to gain entrance into the great hall.... |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Letter the ? Portman Square March 15th 'Well my dear William what do you think of these girls? for my part, I do not find them so plain as I expected. They are so much alike' (said he) 'that I should suppose the faults of one, would be the faults of both.' 'Well, then, in the first place, they are both so horribly tall!' 'They are taller than you are indeed' (said I with a smile). 'Nay,' (said he), 'I know nothing of that.' 'Well, but' (I continued) 'tho' they may be above the common size, their figures are perfectly elegant, and as to their faces, their Eyes are beautifull--.' 'I never can think such tremendous, knock-me-down figures in the least degree elegant, and as for their eyes, they are so tall that I never could strain my neck enough to look at them.' 'Nay,' (replied I),' know not whether you may not be in the right in not attempting it, for perhaps they might dazzle you with their Lustre.' I never fail listening to their Music, and they as constant in eating my pies. One play'd, yet not even a pidgeon-pye of my making could obtain from her a single word of approbation. This was certainly enough to put any one in a Passion,however, I was as cool as a Cream-cheese and having formed my plan and concerted a scheme of Revenge, I was determined to let her have her own way and not even to make her a single reproach. It is very hard that a pretty Woman is never to be told she is so by any one of her own Sex, without that person's being suspected to be either her determined Enemy, or her professed Toad-eater. How much more amiable are women in that particular! In spite of this Defect (or rather by reason of it) there is something very noble and majestic in it. I am afraid this Letter will be but a poor Specimen of my Powers in the Witty Way, and your opinion of them will not be greatly increased when I assure you that I have been as entertaining as I possibly could--. Affectionate Freind J Barislow [This message has been edited by Jamie (03-15-2002 08:57 AM).] |
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Siofra
since 2000-09-28
Posts 551State of Suspended Passion |
Fascinating  "My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
It is fascniating, but nearly so much as Louisa Burton. She was the Daughter of a distant Relation, who dieing a few Months before in extreme poverty, left his only Child then about eighteen to the protection of any of his Relations who would protect her. Mrs. Drummond was the only one who found herself so disposed--Louisa was therefore removed from a miserable Cottage in Yorkshire to an elegant Mansion in Cumberland, and from every pecuniary Distress that Poverty could inflict, to every elegant Enjoyment that Money could purchase--. Louisa was naturally ill-tempered and Cunning; but she had been taught to disguise her real Disposition, under the appearance of insinuating Sweetness by a father who but too well knew, that to be married, would be the only chance she would have of not being starved, and who flattered himself that with such an extroidinary share of personal beauty, joined to a gentleness of Manners, and an engaging address, she might stand a good chance of pleasing some young Man who might afford to marry a Girl without a Shilling. Louisa perfectly entered into her father's schemes and was determined to forward them with all her care and attention. By dint of Perseverance and Application, she had at length so thoroughly disguised her natural disposition under the mask of Innocence, and Softness, as to impose upon every one who had not by a long and constant intimacy with her discovered her real Character. Such was Louisa when the hapless Lesley first beheld her at Drummond-house. His heart which (to use a favourite comparison) was as delicate as sweet and as tender as a Whipt-syllabub, could not resist her attractions. In a very few Days, he was falling in love, shortly afterwards actually fell, and before he had known her a Month, he had married her. Fascinating stuff indeed.  J |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
quote: I hear that Whipt-syllabubs are really good with Ranch dressing. . .  ------------------------------------------------------------ To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
and what of the chef? he who, justly avowed to maintain the honor of his third sister's cousin's aunt, did thereupon stand in the starkness of the shadows within the study, awaiting only the moment of Perfection during which to push the couch upon your now expunged lover? did he make enough for everyone? |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Now, the truth be told...once to know if there were enough, to know then that once is never enough for anyone, and all would leave, still hungry, for more. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
unless they partook of the Flaming Shishkabobs, which, i daresay, were poisoned by the Earl of Sheepssex's late mistress. should that have been the course of the matter, then, despite all protestations to same, they would invariably expire, the inner lining of their dailiy constitutional having been summarily pun-ished by the extravagance of the flavour. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
! said the Fair Lady, upon waking. ! again cried she. Followed with a demure ? 'I believe my Sensibilities have been cruelly damaged by such a Display as this. Hairy cucumbers and a diatribe about poor Lousia Burton which reeks of alarming Unoriginality and not a Unique play on words amongst it....oh I fear I shall faint! What cause have I to wax upon the life of Louisa Burton? Am I not worthy of a Husband and Title? I met one young Gentleman only last week who wished for my hand, instantly! 'Oh my Soul he cried, you are mine for...' alas, he was then overturned. I am destined for Spinsterhood! What shall become of me? The 5 pound banknotes are all used! I must faint alternately! This very minute!' ! cried she in desperate alarm, aware that her full muslin gown and elaborate hair were about to plunge into the banquet table cradled with Flaming whipts and Flying shishkabobs (though these, for the most part, were careening in a Maddened Frenzy into the great oak doors). Yet alas, the faint was enacted: There laid she of the Fair Face and Full Gown, awash in the gravy of a 34.6 pound roast beef. Upon waking dramatically 1/4 of a second later, in a room 1 breadth x 5 height + 9 lengths, the monologue once again trembled its way from her quivering lips. '! This gravy is quite Tasty! I must repair to the chef and inform him that his skills are well met. I also enjoy the new tie-dye style it has produced upon my muslin; I am sure I will cause a Sensation at the Ball this eve. Perhaps there my Sense of Fashion may procure my Fair self a Husband of Note and Worthy. Then we shall see who is the richer - Louisa Burton who had to wait a Month for her joining or myself - who may marry in only 1/4 part of an hour! I am certain that Lord Sheepssex is eager for a new Mistress, however, it must be considered that the poor Angel is still in the throes of a dread consumption after reading the poor, in-humourous manner in which his case was presented by that raving-rogue Master C. I am sure also that the roast beef so anticipated at the aforementioned Ball on this very Day of our Lord shall occasion no comparison with my own!' So said she, delicately licking her muslin. ! [This message has been edited by Severn (03-15-2002 07:35 PM).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
! ? 'I have but one more Request, noble Reader,' stated the Fair Lady, 'It would greatly improve upon my happiness if you would all favour me with...' ~swoon~ ! |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
and the Fair Lady - admired no less for her Stubborness and Illiteracy than her passing resemblance to Liv ----- the Duchess of Perfection - peremptorily fell to swooning once more in the murderous chef's gravy, devouring it in maddened inhalations of the kind Young "Ladies" are often cautioned against (it being well known that one-dip gravy is Not to be partaken of alternately.) and what of the Earl, you, Dear Reader, might query?!? Thro' the Fair Lady's recurrant dipping, the Earl of Sheepssex was no sooner arrived than did a Flaming Shishkaboob carreen maddeningly off of the Fair Lady's bonnet, and thus proceeded to bring itself toward his Bowler Cap. There, it entered it with a fearful 'thunk!' '! ! !' the Earl exclaimed, whereupon he expired, his French Knit Nightcap fluttering to the ground and leaving his Lordhip in the most dreadful of poses - a Curtsey! 'Alas,' wailed the Fair Lady upon recovering from another faint ---- '!' and '!!!' then 'Spinster!' [This message has been edited by Christopher (03-15-2002 08:29 PM).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Whereupon Lady Fair fainted yet again, vaguely - in her diminished mind - recalling the advice of the Lady Shinagnolock, her dearly-beloved-long-lost-deceased friend: 'A frenzy fit is not one quarter so pernicious; it is an exercise to the Body and if not too violent, is, I dare say, conducive to Health in its consequences -- Run mad as often as you chuse; but do not faint!'* Really, she thought in the entire second that was left to her before she yielded once again to the Soft Bosom of the waiting gravy, I ought to run mad for want of exercise of my fine white limbs, this fainting must surely be bad for my delicate Constitution Upon her eminent recovery, she remembered the still form of the rather indisposed Earl. ! lamented she. ? she whispered with arched eyebrows. 'What to do! What to do! How will I ever be married now? I do not wish to wait a month for my nuptials. Ah the life of a spinster - wrinkles at 25 and no Man to play 'Like A Little Trumpet' on the Piano for me! Woe is me!' cried the suffering and dejected rose-red mouth. At which thought she fell to with a vengeance and raved madly around the banquet table, playing long jump over the Earl's languid form. Eventually, Lady Fair came to herself and remembered her Manners and Constitution. Breathless, she reflected, 'Really, I am certain that Fainting Is Much Too Dangerous A Thing For a Lady (an aside to herself: oh, that is right, only Nouns are assigned initial capitals - titter, silly me) to indulge in. Really, what would Mother think? Pity she is long deceased, and buried in the Churchyard. I fear to catch a Malady such as hers - I should think that that Scotsman should not have seduced her away into the watery Brine on his ailing Sea-Ship. Woe is me! Orphaned and without a Lover! What is there left to do? She fainted in 34,564 alternate directions... *J. Austen [This message has been edited by Severn (03-15-2002 11:01 PM).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Whereupon --- a’midst Fair Lady’s multiplicated Alternate Fainting --- dids’t arrive Mr Gower (recently acquitted from Sussex, which is not to be Mistaken for Sheepssex, as they are entirely of differing Philosophical regions). Upon review of the Situation, he took Liberty to speak a Question to the Fair Lady, whom he had yet to Realize was grievously Indisposed. ‘Fair Lady,’ said he, his Tone obliged through force of Habit to be a bit on the nasally side. ‘I am recently come from the Country, on horseback, to this estate.’ It was then that he Paused, having noticed the Fair Lady was on her 34,563rd Alternate Faint. Being a Gentleman, he silently cursed to himself, ‘ !!! ’ and bowed his head away to insure privacy for her final faint. Upon completion, he Cleared his throat and Addressed the Fair Lady once again. ‘Alas! Amiable Woman' (said Mr Gower, affected almost to tears by her Shamefully Excessive display of Despair) ‘I am but almost a Stranger who regrets this Inopportune Intrusion!’ ---- ‘ ! ‘ Fair Lady exclaimed daintily, her Muslin no longer tye-dyed. ‘ ? ‘ She enquired diffidently, ‘Sir, there is naught your lips could Pass that wouldst Forgive such Intrusion!’ to which Mr Gowan replied (affected even Closer to tears by Fair Lady’s Rudeness) ‘ ****’ ‘Sir!’ Fair Lady shrieked most unLadylike. ‘ ! ! ! ? ! ---- ! ? –‘ Lost for words, Fair Lady could do naught but Face the Table and ‘There is no Vice, nor Purity of Air to cleanse mine ears of such Vile importunings!’ ‘ ? ‘ ------- ‘****’ Mr Gowan repeated, tears intruding upon his Cheeks. Fair Lady fainted Indifferently. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
'Egad' Mr Gower spoke into the Silence, his Nasally tone subdued beneath the soddeness of his Tears. 'I do believe Fair Lady has fainted... --- ! ! ! Yet again.' |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
'How preposterous!' Exclaimed the Fair Lady. 'Fainted again? I was but merely reflecting upon what I could possibly say in delicate Response to such...' Here, the Lady found she could not go on - the very Notion of what had been presented to her affected her Constitution so greatly, she feared to even consume a Breath. Yet breathe she did, and upon finding such Sweet Air within her she carried on: 'to such base Nonsense, Sir. You have not claimed but one word (and that was Inopportune, which did have such a pleasant ring) of any interest. You have come lately to my poor mangled Father's house, partaken of my Roast (the dribbles prove yourself guilty, My Lord) and dared to question my Silence? ! ! 'I am fast emptying myself of Exclamations! (Coupled with a shortage, deregulation had ensured that the Exclamation Trade for young ladies was faltering that Year). You should know, Sir, that Wailing Ladies such as myself could never wont for Words. Neither would such as Yourself cause me to find myself in that Predicament. I am not lightly 'lost for words,' in fact, as a point of Interest, my Maman partly ran away with that Scottish Rogue in his ailing Sea-ship simply to escape my unfettered Tongue. I have heard told I even deafened certain of the Servants who had cause to be dismissed as they could no longer hear the Bells summoning their Service. I also hear tell that one of them is now a Pauper begging for Alms on Sunday..oh but, I do go on.' Here, Fair Lady, panted in Exertion. A slice of now-cold Roast served to soothe her coddled nerves and she continued: 'YOU Sir know not how to even initial capital your Nouns! This is most offensive! I wish you would just leave...' Oh, alas! With a dramatic swoop, Lady Fair skidded in a puddle of melted Whipt Sillybub! '!' said she in fright and imbalance. Quite understandably, her State drew forth barrels of garrulous Laughter from her Caller - who quite the Perfect Gentleman, laughed amid beautiful Tears rolling down his ruddy Cheeks. 'Sweet Friend,' said he...but was forced to stop as a huge Belch forced its way out of his lumpy Confines... Note: The sad omission of any occasion of fainting in this episode is necessary as there is a temporary shortage of supply. This is due to the stockist of feminine Exclamations - who also stock Swoons, Faints, and Frenzy Fits - enforcing a lockdown in protest against deregulation. [This message has been edited by Severn (03-17-2002 09:09 PM).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Still Unsure of how to remedy the Delicate situation, Mr Gower (whom we have established without a degree of Uncertainty is indeed a true Gentleman, one whom, let it be known, does Truly and Properly Initial Capitalize his words at random as edicted under the Capitalization Act put forth through the Library Of Congressional Capitalizations in the year of our Lord 3495 A.D.) did stand in quiet respect whilst Fair Lady did appear to mumble into the now defunct Gravy. To his comlpleat and utter Shock, Fair Lady dids't appear to be suffering from a rare, but still well-known case of 'Gravy Hallucinititus Verbosis.' ----- Mr Gower had had the misfortune (though circumstances that centred around the Foul event might have indicated otherwise) to be party to a Gaggle of witnesses whom had overlooked while poor Louise Barton (not to be confused with Ms Louise Burton) Fairly Expired as a mistaken result of Combining a healthy Frenzy Fit with the not-so-healthy Alternate Fainting so common amongst young well-to-do ladies these days. It just so happened (though you, Dear Reader may justly be wondering at the Implausible Coincidence) that there was at the table a freshly made Urn of One-Dip Gravy, which, upon mixing such a combination as Fainting (Alternately, no less) and Frenzy, the redoubtable Ms Louise Barton plunged into with a frightfully solid ‘Thuk’ --- although many who stood waiting in line for a mere ladle of Gravy whispered that perchance it were a ‘thunk,’ though none would speak it aloud for fear of speaking ill of the dead. ----- ‘Odd,’ Mr Gower spoke to himself, even as Fair Lady appeared to be rambling incoherently about some good man named Exclamation (whom Mr Gower presumed lived just outside of Bennyhana Hall, but wasn’t imminently positive about) ‘Fair Lady does’t now resemble muchly the Recently Expunged Ms Barton whom, as an aside, sordidly ruined a perfect Gravy with her expiration.’ So, upon recalling Ms Barton’s fate, Mr Gower (a true and Worthy gentleman) did reach out a hand and seize Fair Lady by the back of her head, ceremoniously yanking her face from the now expired One-Dip Gravy (which had been dipped far more times than once by the overzealous Fair Lady) and righted her upon the floor in as austere of a position as Propriety wouldst allow. ‘ !! - ? - !!’ Exclaimed Fair Lady, which , as you, Dear Reader, can well understand Shocked poor Mr Gower into such a Fashionable blow that his Heart (three and fifty years old on this very day) did burst forth from his chest and land in Fair Lady’s lap with an inexcusably Rude ‘Thunk!’ Without hesitation, and without a thought to possible consequence, Fair Lady Fainted directly. |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Alas, when Fair Lady did haughtily descend from her Soap Box, and was awakened from her latest Spell (and distastefully tossed Mr. Gower’s Heart to the nearby Road, where it later caused a Carriage to overturn, and upon inspection after said Accident was given to the Cook and used to make a most delicious One-Dip Gravy), there was tottering before Her a bedraggled Waif 'Excuse me Madam, wouldst this *hic* be your Estate? I seem to have attracted a bit of Lightening this afternoon and have a need to acquire... fresh Garments.” Being of perfect manner and upbringing Fair Lady did instantly escort Marianne forthwith to the House Proper...whereupon her disturbingly familiar Features made her realize in her Soul, that yes, She was Fair Lady's Sister! She exclaimed ”!!!!” and Instantly they fell into each other's Arms and shared the very innermost Depths of their Hearts. At that very moment, Martha did begin to explain the reason of her timely arrival…and to relate the tale of her dear Cousin Isabelle. Isabelle though a little addicted to the Bottle & the Dice, had many good Qualities. Tho' Benevolent & Candid, she was Generous & sincere; Tho' Pious & Good, she was Religious & amiable, & Tho' Elegant & Agreable, she was Polished & Entertaining. So her adventures at the stylish assembly of Sir Ron’s celebration of his twenty-eighth year were easily estimated. Attending were J Barislow, Fair Lady, Mr. Gower, Ms Barton, Ms Burton, Martha herself, a hundred or more upstanding Members of the Community, and the majestic Family Brandon’s Dog, Master Ward. Such was the party assembled in the elegant Drawing Room of Passion’s Court. It was at this Event that Fair Lady savored her first One-Dip Gravy and discovered the tasteful markings of tie-dye. In the same instant that Fair Lady did dive into its savory liquid depths, Isabelle did enter (just slightly flushed with intoxication, having imbibed four Bottles of Wine, a fifth of Whiskey, one Whipt sullabyb and a piece of Rum Cake) and did begin to swagger Delicately over to the table where the Fair Lady lay Snoring. “Here! Here! I arrogate the wench snorting the gravy!” She slurred and fell Face first into the Plum Pudding. Edgar (being Isabelle’s Heart’s desire, and the Step-Son of Sir Ron, so dutifully attending to the Details of his Father’s Grand Festivity) seeing Isabelle in such a State, ran immediately to her and poured the remnants of the Wine she had clamped in her Hand, over her Fair Face, reviving her… Upon awakening, Isabelle elegantly vomited over Edgar’s shoes. “Eek!”( she cried) “The flying angles!” and delicately tossed her Wine Bottle toward the western most wing of the Room, hitting master J Barislow directly on the Head and killing him instantly. Shamefully, this left a dreadful Stain on the Curtains behind him, which were irreplaceable, being a gift from her third Cousin at the Shower of her fourth Wedding. This whole event was most unfortunate, as they were Lovely Drapes. Fair Lady thus came to, and observing the activities around her, saw the attention that Edgar was bestowing to Dear Isabelle and having Loved Edgar with every inch of her Being( in a fit at the State of her denied Social Accomplishments) accepted the inevitability of Spinsterhood, whereupon she Alternately repaired to her Chambers with a Scottish Cucumber and was soon forgot. [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (03-18-2002 10:32 AM).] |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Martha was earnestly dismayed, who now would arrange the devouring plans??? ‘!’ |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
With all due respects to ladies present and decedents et al... I'll just have a bowl of seafood gumbo, a breast of deep fried chicken, and a bottle of any kinda wine ya'll got. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
[insert voiceover]hey LR, good to see you![end voiceover] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
And so, with dark malice, ol' bloody jaws crept silently - his feet clad in the very depths of night itself - along the hall way of the quiet house. His intent was shrouded in darkness, everything was dark - not just his intent, the hall, the house, the..er..hall...soon though, soon he would reach the light! And take it for his own! (Cue evil laugh) The fair maiden would relinquish her hold on life that dark, that oh so very darkened dark night and.. ? 'Oh...er...wrong story? OH. Cripes, how embarrassing...er...I'll just...' (Ol' bloody jaws quickly turns around and flaps out..tripping over bottom step of stairs due to the impenetrable darkened darkness..) 'How embarrassing' the author is heard to mutter once more as he too makes a hasty, ashamed exit... J&F&Q etc [This message has been edited by Severn (03-20-2002 07:45 AM).] |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Upon hearing an alarmingly loud and sudden noise from next door, the Arthur next door to the embarrassingly ashamed author the next door over, slowly arose from his decidedly warm and cozy most wonderful bed and peeping out the window peered intently into the darkness of the previously eerily silent night. Sensing an impending malice he hastily retreated back within the security of the stinky blankie he had beneath his not quite so putrid pillow. Pulling a time tattered corner from beneath he contentedly fell blissfully asleep, awash in fond stinky blankie memories (as smells are known to trigger the recollective process). Had he recognised the soft thud unique to squid lovers as they trip over bottom ( and even 2nd to the bottom ) steps he might have escaped the horrors that were to fall upon him ever so shortly after falling into his aforementioned blissful slumber. etc & etc [This message has been edited by Jamie (03-20-2002 03:28 PM).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
But..but...but this is the wrong story! There is no Ol' bloody jaws..and there shouldn't be Arthur and his stinky blanket either..! ! ! ~faints in horror~ |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Alas!!! It seems that Fair Lady has been overturned. ! ! ! ! ! (Oh drat, I'm no good at these exclamations!!) --------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Jeffrey E. Osborne Member
since 2001-11-01
Posts 160out there |
Is it just me or have we come full circle with this? ! ! ! (useless exclamation points - I just like to abuse punctuation) |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Now, off in one corner sat Master Rogue, C, whom amidst the collective Frenzy was noticeable if only because Upon Fair Lady’s exit, he did reach out with a Smoothe hand (despite not being a Gentleman, Rogue C was nonetheless quite Dashing), and Retrieved it as a pillar upon which he Could rest his wearied feet. (Listening to the Fair Lady drone incessantly had fairly Burnt him to the very Tips of his feet, which were none the best for wear in the first order as, being a Rogue after all, Master C was required to do a fair bit of walking upon a day.) Weary now of chaos, and not a little sloshed himself (he did have a thing for Whipt sullabybs) he did push himself forward in his chair in order to be seen better and began to speak. ‘Even now,’ he Pronounced in a firm tone which did settle across the breadth of the crowded room, calming Instantly all but poor Ms. Isabelle (whom was weeping in a Fair fit over the Condition of the Drapes). ‘Even now,’ he repeated after the long insertion did cause him to forget that which he had begun to say, as it was his wont at times to interject most Alternately regarding some Tangent or such. ‘Even now,’ he began for the third time, UnFairly annoying those around him with the Repetition… they were Prepared even this moment to retire toward their Respective conversations (as one’s own conversation is Far more Interesting than the Silent interjections of a half-Drunken man seated between the Arms of an overly large sopha). ‘Even Now,’ he insisted Strongly, which caused all but the Absent Fair Lady to roll their Eyes toward the Ceiling (where, Marianne did notice, were several Stains of Blood come recently from Mr Gower’s now homeless heart spiraled in a Most Interesting Pattern across the Clapboard ceiling (and why it was Clapboard, no one could know, e’en though it is a common Fact that Clapboard is only Properly used as siding, not a ceiling Covering)). ‘Even now,’ Master Rogue, C, slurred again, somewhat dizzy from the Glowing tangents. However, it was at that moment that there came a commotion from Upstairs, where, it did seem even to the most Innocent of those within the room, Fair Lady dids’t appear to be screaming Quite loudly. (Hansella Grommet whispered in between the first breaking for Fair Lady to catch her breath that she Shrieked more than she Screamed. That worthy, however, did say it most quietly and only to her Very Bestest Friend in the World whom she knew she could trust to hold a secret above all others in the World! Still, as soon as her back was turned, Hansella’s friend did turn to the nearest person and repeated it word for word! That person just happened to be Gillie Brandon, whom as we all know to the depths of our souls couldn’t hold a secret, as it was she who did tell Every person in the Community about the existence of the Rare and Secret Edit Bird! A moment passed in silence, as the crowd waited Most anxiously for the Fair Lady’s next Scream. |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Master Rouge C (having fainted from the Ballet of Tangents) now lay sprawled across Marianne’s Lap, drooling. ‘!’ she exclaimed! ‘Master Rouge C, does he not resemble most accurately the Back Door Boys?’ (which were the young Twin Apprentices to the esteemed Sir Ron’s Butler, whose Duty it was to ensure the safekeeping of the Rear Entrance) She screamed above the high Shrieking of Fair Lady upstairs, in the westernmost direction of the Room where Isabelle was flinging a Gravy Ladle violently at the Ceiling, attempting to strike Mr. Grower’s weaving Heart. At the mention of the delicate, effeminate Back Door Boys, Isabelle giggled most immaturely, then –- once so abruptly diverted from her Task -- upon hearing the Shrieking of Fair Lady, flushed 34,564 Shades of Red and dashed Upstairs, most certainly to soothe the Commotion… Whereupon a dark and mysterious Stranger began to recite The Rare and Secret Edit Bird, a Children’s Tale... |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
[insert voiceover] During the Exciting Recital of The Rare and Secret Edit Bird…[end voiceover] The rest of the Party, thoroughly engaged in the telling of the Exhilarating Tale, did not happen to notice the swaggering, descending entrance of Fair Lady (whom was deeply coloured and beset with a Smug Expression) and Isabelle from the West Wing. ‘Noaelle!’ Master Rogue C cried, coming to (and first noticing Isabelle, as he had been so absorbed in his own speech and swooning spell during her Entrance and Escapades), ‘Where have you been, my Angel?’ Noaelle, disguised as Isabelle, spoke in her true voice, which was a shrill soprano … ‘Alas, Sweet Friend! I have *ahem* been congregating with this Dear Lady, Upstairs, and we have been sharing the Delicacy of the Scottish Cucumber…” Fair Lady who during this Development had turned 69, 128 Alternate Whiter Shades of Pale, discovering now who Isabelle had been, with whom she had shared so many intimate Secrets of her Sweet... Heart… fainted. Dead. Away. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Whereupon, after twitching for interminable moments, she rose again and said in a bellowing whisper 'do you not like my addition to the Standard Faint? Twitches..yes, I think I shall patent that one - it will add to my meagre Income' and then she continued for the entire Room to benefit from: 'There is a decided lack of Continuity operating. I am most distraught. Either have me Outside, or In - Upstairs or Down. I shall not be in two places at once - really, it is not good for my precious Constitution. I have read some Philosophy in my Young Years and I am aware that Young Ladies such as myself know naught of space travel. And, further more...' Here she was interrupted when she recognised The Rogue, Marianne, The Stranger, and a poor country Fellow who had strayed in accidently from putting the cows in for the night, all leaning nonchalantly on a pillar... ! ! Said she. Loudly. So loudly it came out as a horrendous Shriek. 'Strider!' she Shrieked to the dark and mysterious Stranger. 'Have you seen Legolas?? Oh Strider if you do not at this instant tell me where Legolas is I shall Frenzy!' Strider dismissed the idiot Babble as beneath his attention, and drawing his grand Sword, announced 'I have finished my grand Telling of The Rare and Secret Edit Bird, a Children’s Tale. This is a Gift to you from the elves, my grand Friends; my Purpose is discharged. May the Force be with You. I must now Flee and find my meritable Companions...' and upon saying so moved grandly toward the door, and was heard muttering about a quest, and how could he forget, and what has happened to Gimli and Legolas, and where are the hobbits, and really I should stop feeling compelled to tell stories.. Alas, Lady Fair was foaming at the Mouth and was by now so insensible she could not possibly have stopped Him. The strange Wind that swirled in through the heavy oak Doors upon Strider's exit brought her around once more. Fortunately, she suffered from 5 minute Amnesia as a result of her Frenzy Fit and Strider soon sunk into infamous Legend, and the Story with him. Her Heart saved from dying of Faster-Than-Light Longing she glared down her long long Nose at Rogue C. 'What, Sir, do you presume by coming Here?' She could do no more at this instant than open her Mouth like a gaping Fish. Several in the honoUrable Company remarked internally that Fish sounded nice and quietly sought the banquet Table. Unfortunately for one Abigail Burten, the Fish proved too tempting to be eaten slowly and she choked in a most unladylike Fashion on a Scale. However-indeed-most certainly-why yes Sir, as she had remarked earlier that the banquet* was poorly produced, not a Body gave thought to aid her, and instead bade her to enjoy the Fish good and well. She did, and soon lay Prostrate and Lifeless. Indeed, two young Lads soon found it was fun to kick her Bonnet off her Head and use it as a Ball. Alas, this was largely passed over, for the majority of the Company were held in thrall by the Drama between Lady Fair, Marianne, poor-fellow, Noealle/Isabelle and Rogue C. Rogue C, suddenly lost his voice again at the words of Fair Lady and could only mutter 'Even now,' in an imposing Manner. Isabelle/Noaelle sucked on a last slice of Scottish Cucumber and ruminated on the effects of Poles in Buttons, while staring lovingly at Rogue C. poor-fellow stared around the Fine Company and ruminated on how big a word ruminated was for such a hick as he. Marianne was plotting how to get Rogue C back in her lap...she contrived to trip him up but the man was positively rooted to the Floor, alternately muttering Even Now and looking with desperate Eyes for an exit, after his hasty affectionate Greeting of Angel to the detestable Noaelle, and the Wrath he faced from Lady Fair. With all the drama, no one noticed a Forbidding and Tyranical Man except one small serving girl who said to herself 'that looks like a Forbidding and Tyranical Father bent on revenge. I wonder whom has eloped within this fine Company...?' *Which was held in the Shongoogladale Hall, owned by one Mr Summersbrook. He was at Bath for the month, and had thrown open his Doors kindly in his absense. [This message has been edited by Severn (03-22-2002 07:06 AM).] |
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NapalmsConstantlyConfused
since 2001-05-15
Posts 529 |
aye, that might be true, jeffrey my fine lad, but the Welsh, don't you know, has greater girth -Dave |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
'You've killed me! I have been overturned!' ~gurgle gurgle~ Silence |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
!ack! !no! the fair lady hast di-ed. and just when we found a suitable suitor. !ack! |
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Jeffrey E. Osborne Member
since 2001-11-01
Posts 160out there |
When did "died" become a two syllable word? |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
died can be two syllables if damn can be three. so says keemla. J |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
k-eem-lah that's three sullabybs too, right? |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
so. . . when does the movie come out??? --------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
The Fair Lady & Noaelle video is already out on the internet. I can't type in the url because I might be banned... But if you do a search for Keemlah and her veggie lovers... you should be able to find it. Have your credit card ready. p.s. Rock, I'd plus you for 'sullabybs' if k-eem-lah hadn't made me snort liquid. [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (03-29-2002 04:09 PM).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
f-u-me there's three syllabybs for ya C-su-cks There's another lot Go-aw-ay |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Meg, I'm wounded - how could you? ~faints in 701 directions~ |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
hmmm wah? |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
Because I'm evil. Haven't we been over this? Here, have a 10-day-old poppyseed muffin. C-su-cks ~snort~ [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (03-30-2002 12:06 AM).] |
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Jeffrey E. Osborne Member
since 2001-11-01
Posts 160out there |
poppies.....POPPIES.....PPPPPOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPIIIEEEEESSSSSSS (heh heh) |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
I'll take a dozen poppyseed rolls please There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
heh I'm reminded of a song by Marcy Playground... 'poppies, yeah...' da-da-duh-da-duh |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
~fume~ at C. Grofpdsguisfpdghjspdfhjspdfyihjrfdghofdsj |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
K, maybe you should have that fixed. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
some things are just beyond fixin'. . . . . . . . . . . . . . and some don't need fixin' J |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
... unlike NC quarters. (theif. disgusting theif.) |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
bitter ohio ***** heh |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
-1 Jamie Cor - HAH! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
"LAWD, WE NEED A REVAVAHL! WE NEED A REVAAAAAVAHL! Clap clap clap LAAAAAAAA LAAAAAAAAAAA LAWD BRING US A REVAAAAAAAVAHL" Exit gospel choir and enter Lady Fair who exclaims 'I am not Expired after all!' |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Glory BE!!! She's back!! and who knows in how many alternate directions. [This message has been edited by Jamie (04-06-2002 12:23 AM).] |
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