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for all of you internet couples
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for all of you internet couples |
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Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas 
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ok, since so many people consider this their family, I thought, hey, why not see if they can help me with a problem? so here goes. Three months ago, I happened to meet a man on the internet, it must have been right after coming to college. We got to know each other, and became good friends, and now the motions are turning a little deeper. For both of us. The only thing is, I live in Missouri, and he lives in Connecticut. It is really tearing me and him, up. I know there is no immediate solution for this, but I was wondering if there were any tips or suggestions to help deal with not being together. PLEASE!!! I need some big time advice. ------------------ "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot |
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| © Copyright 1999 Angela Erin Burke - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Okay, I'm not an internet couple (obviously). *smiles* I think that if it is meant to be, then you'll conquer the distance. ------------------ Don't gain my affections and cover my eyes. In blindness I will only swing harder. |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I guess the question is this. Do you think you can deal with the distance until the time it can be resolved. If the answer is yes, I feel that deeply for him, then patience is the key. If the answer is no then you have to change the relationship. Love is something that grows with time and trials. If you can get past this stage you are in good shape. |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Okay, here is my word of caution. Internet relationships often bring out the best in people - the person of your dreams is only a keyboard away. Reality my dear, is the thorn of all roses. Time will tell if this person is a rose or a ragweed. Give it time, give it common sense and above all DON'T get on a bus to Connecticut and end up being a face on a milk carton! ------------------ Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP |
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Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
Temptress, I completely agree with you! I have fait that the outcome will be for the best, no matter which way it goes. Marilyn, We are taking things one day at a time, which is all that can be done at the moment. However, we care too much for each other to let the distance ruin all thats good. JP, it never hurts to hear reality once in a while, but you can rest assured that I am well aware of the dangers of internet relationships. He knows that I will never be the one to travel, and that any contact we have whether it be phone or otherwise, is up to me. Thank you though, for your concern.=) ------------------ "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Well, as with any long-distance relationship there are risks involved, not to mention levels of commitment. Sometimes it works out and is wonderful; othertimes, the experience will make other horror stories pall and quiver. Like conventional relationships, it all depends on the people involved, although the Information Age has provided a means of anonymity and varied masks. There has always been one factor which is of utmost importance, and should be implemented during the onset and initial discourses: HONESTY. Without this as a firm foundation, all else constructed upon it will crumble and fall in time, hurting both and possibly creating scars which will mar any other relationship options. Alicat, who took a calculated risk and won. |
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Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
c'mon guys, any more advice? We had our first "fight" today. it was interesting ------------------ "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
I must state before I begin that my opinion on this is somewhat biased, as I am one-half of a successful "internet" couple. Near the beginning of this year, I met a very intelligent and intriguing man in, of all places, an AOL chat room. I was going off on some sort of tangent, berating all of the lovelorn males who were touting their sexual prowess in the room by quoting snippets of wit from Shakespeare -- probably in vain, because I doubt many who were in attendance there had any idea what I was saying. Luckily though, he did. We talked that evening for several hours, and found that we had many mutual interests and much to talk about. Over the course of a few months we came to know more and more about one another, and became the closest of friends. When things came to the point that we realized there was more to us than friendship, we found ourselves with a slight difficulty to overcome: I live in Florida, while he lives in London. Just a matter of a small pond. I spent many nights wishing that I was there or he was here ... it was difficult, and frustrating, and at times it drove me right to the edge of my sanity. We talked, we fought, we made up, we fought again -- the stress was beginning to wear on both of us, and we nearly gave up entirely. Somehow, though, we made it through ... and last month, I got to meet my love for the very first time. Things have not been the same since. While we are still not together on a daily basis, he has made arrangements for frequent visits to the states and is in the process of moving here so that we can be together. Never in my life have I loved someone so completely and so unconditionally ... and if it hadn't been for the internet, I never would have met him. Saxoness, I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide ... and if you do decide to take a chance on this fellow, may the two of you have all the happiness that I have found with my "traveler". Nocht  |
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Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
Nocht, I must say you have truly inspired me. Thank you so much, for it is so easy at times to feel discouraged and want to give up. However, the good makes the bad worth it. We are still hanging in there, and we will probably meet over spring break at the latest. Thank you so very much! ------------------ "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
Saxoness, I am part of an internet couple. I met him last August, we were acquaintances then lost touch. In January, we rekindled our friendship with long, frequent phone calls. I knew I was falling in love with him back in March. We started talking about meeting. He was in Texas, I am in South Carolina. He finally came to visit in October. It was wonderful! That visit has prompted a lot of poetry for me and has also taught me that love is best when shared with a friend. He now lives in Colorado (he was scheduled to move a week after his visit) and is thinking of moving out here this spring or summer to be with me. No, it's not easy. I long to hold him, see him. But he is the one I want. In the meantime, it's a great way to really get to know each other even better than we do now. With the distance, there are no sexual distractions. So many relationships end up focusing on the sex, that they forget to focus on each other. Chris and I talk about everything. When something goes awry in my world, he's the one I call because I know he'll listen, offer me a shoulder to cry on, advice, etc. He stays level headed when I'm wrapped up in my emotional outbursts. He offers practical advice when I'm so upset I can barely think. He reminds me to pay my daycare bill when he knows I'm under stress and can't even remember what day of the week it is. I send him my poetry, blank cards with nothing but my lipstick prints. His voice is the last I want to hear every night before I go to sleep. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
The only thing I ask people to remember is that just because it is a long distance, not necessarily face-to-face relationship, that it doesn't make it any less real. By that I mean that internet relationships may or may not work out, just as "normal" relationships may or may not. Either way, you are dealing with unpredictable factors... those factors being the humans involved in the relationship. I will say that there are pros and cons to it being an internet relationship however. You have to decide if the pros outweigh the cons. |
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Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
Thank you everybody. Things are working out just fine right now. A few glitches here and there. But everyday we like each other a little bit more. I'm happy. He's happy. Thats whats most important. ------------------ "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot |
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Angel Rand Member
since 1999-09-04
Posts 134London UK, and Zurich Switzerland |
Dear Saxoness, looks as if you got a lot of encouragement already. But I wanted to tell you my story really quickly too. I too am part of an internet couple. He lives in Chicago Illinois, I live in London UK and Zurich Switzerland. In fact I just got home today from a 2 week stay with him . We met last year around December and since March we were the closest of friends. We are a couple since September and we met the first time when he came to see me in London in October. I love him with all my heart and he feels the same way for me. There are many obstacles in our way but these in the end will make our bond stronger... if it is meant to be. You two are lucky enough to live on the same continent and moving for you (when and if you want) will not be as big a deal as it will be for me. But if we can make it, so can you. And just because this is a new medium to get to know ppl it is not less valid. Plus as some said before, you have to be careful in any starting relationship. And take it from someone who is in the same situation: it kinda spices things up when you never meet in person and then one day finally you can hold him in your arms for the first time. Somehow it makes you appreciate so many things more that you would normally take for granted. Like the beauty in a voice over the phone and the miracle of a touch. I wish you two the best of luck. AngelPS if calling costs get you down, I have a simple solution for that. AIM live chat. If you want some help with it email me and I will tell you how to set it up. [This message has been edited by Angel Rand (edited 11-22-1999).] |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
okay...I'm pretty sure you know a bit about myself and Michael....Neither of us was looking for anyone really serious....and Bingo! The rest is history - - we have been together "online" now for four months...through good times and bad. We talk on the phone every week, and send eachother small tokens via snail mail. It's been a beautiful beginning. I never dreamed I'd find myself in this situation. He lives in CA and I'm in TN....So I certainly understand the distance thing you spoke of. Patience is the key....keep sharing, and if you feel comfortable "meeting" at some point, go for it! Just be careful...It's no different in the "real" world. The young man you might meet in a bar could be just as "unsafe"...Make sure it's on your terms, and that you're not alone the first time. You'll know after that first initial meeting if you want to pursue it to a further degree. Take things slow, and get to know all you can about eachother before actually meeting. Like Tara Simms said, it's nice to be able to share without the sexual anxiety clouding your thoughts and judgement. I wish you the best of luck! Let us know how it goes! P.S. Thanks Nocht for sharing your story! I was wondering how all that happened! Congrats!  [This message has been edited by poetFemmeFatale (edited 12-28-1999).] |
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