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I'm Glad I'm a Man....for WhtDove hehehe
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I'm Glad I'm a Man....for WhtDove hehehe |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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"I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't moan to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers, And when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to wear. I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I don't go around checking my reflection in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public and make us leave early, And when you ask why get all bitter and surly. I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing. I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back. I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you Or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too. I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a privilege for me To not have to sit. I can stand when I pee. I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball. It's more fun than dealing with women after all. I won't cry if you say it's not going to work. I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk. Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure. I won't assume it's permanent by any measure. Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see. I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery. I don't get all *****y every 28 days. I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise. I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true. I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!" |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Christopher stares in admiration as 'Deer places his...err... neck... out on the line. Mr. Balladeer, I will warn you that you should watch out for us sensitive guys who don't see women that way though...  |
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Gossamerwings Member
since 2000-07-18
Posts 207 |
This is cute.  Bet you can guess how many of us are going to come in here and post the one about 'I am glad I'm a woman'! Actually balladeer,all us gals are happy you are a man ,you'd be one ugly woman with that facial hair!  < !signature-->Gossamerwings  [This message has been edited by Gossamerwings (edited 07-28-2000).] |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I'll be back!  [This message has been edited by Poet deVine (edited 07-28-2000).] |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Gotcha covered, Sharon!!! |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
"I'll be back"?????? ....more a case of 'watch your back'....ROFL I'm busy....LOL HUSG |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
LMAO!!! I've come to plead my case. I guess this is one of the reasons everyone calls me a tomboy! Diet foods are for the birds I like my steak bloody I don't whine about my breasts Or ask if I'm getting too chubby I'm not a light weight I can pound the beer I don't often get too wasted And I DON'T shed s silly tear Out of the shower and let my hair dry As for my reflection I'm not that vain If there's fun to be had I'm the first to stay Even if it means standing out in the rain My friends I don't stab, I treat them well A ring I could really do with out And as far as my diffeneces in the sack Oh, who cares just make me shout! Psycho, threaten, Kill? Oh Please I'd rather sit in the snow feezin' I don't feel threatened by every woman Unless she's given me good reason Ok, you got me.... I can't stand and pee That is one thing that is not fair But then again I get a small rest When I sit on that porcelain chair Football I love to watch in or out Hockey is a great sport too..... Immidiate pleasure is fine with me As long as he knows what to do Child birth is pain for sure But it's well worth it all Just goes to show us girl are tough Tougher than you men with b***s!!!! So far I don't get PMS But a monthly bill I do pay And of course you get paid more than us Men need to take care of their balding and gray! < !signature--> ~Sheri [This message has been edited by Irie (edited 07-28-2000).] |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Sheri!!! LOVE THIS!!!!  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Christopher....I understand. Your sensitivity is legendary  gossamerwings...You've got that right! I'd make a lousy woman for sure with my knockknees and moustache! Wearing those nylons might be fun, though deVine one? Nan?...revenge is not an admirable trait, you know!!! Rainbow...I think you're right, not to mention groin!!! sheri...You are truly a man's woman!!!!! This is fantastic!! I bow graciously to your abilities and wit....I love it!! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
~Splutter...choke~ The S O is lost for words in indignation... nah, I'm not really - hear hear 'deer! Unfortunately - most of that is pure truth... NOT! (I'm being a 'typical' woman - changing my mind...gotta a prob with that??) K |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
LMAO deer! I'll be back too! Good one ya ol' snake |
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StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas |
ROFLMAO!!! These are great ... can't wait to see what the others come up with... as for me ...I lost a bet over a pool game at the bar and I have to be NICE? (whats that) to the entire male species for a week!! LOL but I promise I didn't shed any tears over it... well ok ok tears of laughter cuz I was laughin so hard at the idea... No male bashers anonymous for me this week hehe |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
I am so glad I am not a man I’m not a fanatical wrestling fan I don’t get confused with a simple old plan And I don’t guzzle beer right out of a can I am so happy that I’m not a “he” Or else I would only be thinking of me And would miss out on so many others to see Cause my ego would limit visibility I am relieved that I’m not a male Making a project of hammering a nail Blind to instructions, and then when it fails The Japanese products he loudly assails I am so glad that I’m not a guy Touting accomplishments up to the sky Bragging of knowledge that’s simply a lie While simply forgetting to zip up his fly |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Liz! Your poem is wonderful. LOL |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Way to go Sheri and Liz! Now my dear Balladeer, I'm amazed ... At your whimsical turn of a phrase ... For you tease us with rhyme, Such a taunt, such a crime, I thought women were here to be praised!!! [This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 07-29-2000).] |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Ok Deer! I thought about it It's best to be a woman We don't whine when we are sick We don't act like we're dying When the needle gives a prick We can birth in the morning Be back home in the same day And we don't blame things on PMS When you have something to say Men you need to stand up close To the toilet when you pee Cause it might just be shorter Than your ego thinks it be And though we may be seated We at least don't have bad aim We know our stuff goes in it It's not running down the frame We get up and do our job We don't think we know it all Not afraid to ask for help Get the phone and make a call We have no ego system Says we're better than the rest We don't walk around drooling When we see a woman's chest We don't grab and scratch and fart In public we are polite We don't sit and light our farts Then squeal in pure delight So it's better to be a woman! |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I'm afraid you're outnumbered 'deer! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Geez, you gals are so good you could almost be guys Good one, Liz!!!...and dovey...you little minx! Nice response! Hopefully you don't have to rely on just a needle for that pleasure Kit...I think everybody knows by my poetry and friendships that I worship women and admire them tremendously. It was Wht Dove!!! She started this thing out of pure meanness and, well, a guy's gotta respond and it appears I'm the only one at Passions judging by the way my fellow mankinders jumped in to my aid so.......but I love you all |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Pure meaness? Now deer ya know us doves don't have a mean bone in our body! Chris I thought for sure would have something to say. He always does! Deer where's Toe when ya need em huh? |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Now Becca, I don't know what you mean! I'm a sensitive kind of guy, remember! Anyway, I think Balladeer is handling himself marvellously! Never fear though, if I sense he's faltering, I'll be here to give him a hand! |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
I said I'm glad I'm not a man And that is surely true But I'm a very avid fan Of some things that men do I may have been a little fast With my slithering poet pen The truth is I would hardly last A moment without men No matter what you think of us Be kind in your remarks For we may be the added plus You need within your hearts And I will calm my poet pen The next time if I can And Balladeer, of all the men I'm glad that you're a man Liz |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
It sounds like that you have a personal problem! Your verse is quite terse and your outlook quite solemn! I'm GLAD you're a man and can pee in a can..... but I think you might analyze your man game plan! You're a man, that's for sure! There's no doubt about it! But could you survive sans a woman? I doubt it! I'm GLAD I'm a woman.... I don't HAVE to tote a big bag of golf clubs or hog the remote! I'm GLAD I'm a woman... and not so befuddled -- If I were a man, sir, my MIND would be muddled! One day you are leaving, one day you are there! You men are CONFUSING..... you live for a STARE at a quick moving target who wears a short skirt! Your obsession with sex makes your mind quite inert! I don't call it "bonding" when hanging around with a room full of guys without making a sound! Nobody is talking, yet you are all there with pretense connections of "friendships" and "care"! I'm GLAD I'm a woman! It would be absurd to pretend that we're friends without saying a word! And I'm glad that I don't feel a great obligation to demonstrate hormones with acceleration! I wouldn't try speeding through rush hour traffic on the way to buy photos a tad pornographic! I'm GLAD I'm a woman! I say what I'm thinking! I don't smile at your face while behind you I'm winking at some sweet young lady who happens to pass... I'm GLAD I'm a woman! I do not pass gas!!! So, Balladeer, sweetie, I write you these lines to explain the Lord's thinking 'bout gender designs.... Enjoy, 'deer, your manhood! I hope that you do.... I'm GLAD I'm a woman! Perhaps I can too.... *wink* Fishing is just a drinking excursion interrupted by water. Golf is just a beautiful walk interrupted by a little white ball.- quotes from a friend of |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Liz, if you knew how I feel about women deep down inside you would be very, very pleased You are all wonderful (except for that troublemaker Whtdove) and the world would certainly be a poor place without you. What am I saying? There would BE no world without you!!!Doreen, I'm glad you're a woman, too! However, now that I have sucked up to all of you, let me say in the interest of harmony (and the chance to be a wiseass) that there are just a few things we guys wish you women knew. For example: If you think you're fat, you may be, but don't ask us. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again! If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Shopping is not a sport. Anything you wear is fine. Really. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Check your oil. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are? You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Any questions???? In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Yep I do have a question! You expect us to believe this crap? |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
ROFLMAO < !signature-->These are so damn funny my stomach hurts from laughing so hard! But once again, most of them don't apply to me. Must be why I find it all so amusing! Hehehe!!!! ~Sheri [This message has been edited by Irie (edited 07-31-2000).] |
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Gossamerwings Member
since 2000-07-18
Posts 207 |
Put your high-top boots on girls, here's balladeer with another load! : : Gossamerwings ;) |
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