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The Mysteries of the English Language
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The Mysteries of the English Language |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Somebody sent this to me, so I thought I share, some are funny. The Mysteries of the English Language There's no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through the annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as Hell one day and cold as Hell another? How you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was dis-combobulated, grunted, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it! [This message has been edited by Haleyja (edited 10-23-2000).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Well Parker, I do know someone who hurt flies. He amused himself by catching them in his hand, and throwing them against the wall, rendering them unconscious. (are flies conscious?) And where is he now? Prison, of course. Not for the flies...but that is another true story. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
This is great Parker! I've always been fond of the oxymorons! And our language sure is full of them! Thanks for sharing! Chris |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Parker, oddly enough, I just came across another "fly" sadist. Domitian of Rome (51-96) A Roman emperor quite reknowned for his cruelty and madness. "Very peculiar was Domitian's pleasure in catching flies, stabbing them with the point of a pen and tearing their wings out." Among other peculiarities, he also had three Vestal Virgins executed in "83" on grounds of immorality. Okay. sigh, blame it on Local Reb, he's the one who told me there was information out there... |
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Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
Some of these are really cute James. The English langauge certainly can be strange sometimes. Thanks for sharing!  Marina It is a blessing to have wings for words, and passion in pen Marina Crossley |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Parker- these are great! i just love stuff like this. too funny!!! lol  -vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, you have not truely met the poet." -vlraynes |
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