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serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2010-08-26 01:57 AM

I'd like to start a thread that's just all about laughter. We spend a lot of time researching our arguments and such, so why not try to balance that with some love, light, and humor?

I'll start with this hilarious video:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1935205

And now, I tag Sharon/Mysteria! Find us something to laugh about.

We need a whole bunch of this stuff, too. A lot of pipeople are having hard times with illness, depression and anxiety. So make your contributions here. We can try to help each other forget about the lumps we're taking as we ride out the bumps in the road.

And wasn't that video just...funny?

Amaryllis
Senior Member

since 2010-05-20

Posts 1306
Mi now

1 posted 2010-08-26 02:45 AM

ROFL!! Is that my son?? (he would..)

.
Hey, I`m not Mysteria, but I am a Sharon, does that count?
.
I have a groaner for ya. Funnier when it`s late an you`re reeeeally tired...
.
Q: Hear about that new restaurant on the moon?
A: Yeah... great food, but no atmosphere.
.
*grrooaaannnn.....

~Amaryllis (Sharon)
.
ps: Serenity.. awesome idea, here.. LOVE this thread!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

2 posted 2010-08-26 02:55 AM

Ama? I'm soooooo grinning. That joke reminds me of the Steven Wright quote I just passed up.

"I just put a skylight up in my livingroom. The people upstairs are really *ticked* off."

(I love weirdness.)

And yeah, I think just any one oughta be able to hop in. I think so because...grin, I just found these taped "dating videos" from the eighties--ahead of its time, and yet? For these poor blokes, probably not a great idea.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dating_videos_from_the_80s

Let me know if you fancy any one of these.

Amaryllis
Senior Member

since 2010-05-20

Posts 1306
Mi now

3 posted 2010-08-26 03:45 AM

I looove Steven Wright! He`s so sour

And Brian Regan... the weirder the better! heh
.
An arrrgh could NOT get the link to work on my ol` antiquitated mobile!

.
Can`t wait to check `em out! hah

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2010-08-26 05:04 AM

Aw...but there ya go, it shouldn't all be links to clips, so here's one that made me smile.

Not So Dumb Blonde

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer
persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

* * *

Hopefully we can pull Mike/Balladeer in here--he's got an encyclopedia of groaners in his head, and Mysteria is just plain funny as well. My problem is keeping the forum decorum standards. But I'm glad I have one friend to help me with my plan of 'tickle torture'.

Pip has gone through many changes--heart-breaking losses of people, some forums, and I can vouch that I have certainly lost my temper and my sense of humor at times.

I'll try to keep it G-rated, though.

Thanks Amaryllis. And yanno? Personal funny anecdotes are just as welcome.

(I've watched that first video like, ten times already though--and yep, my son spent his first year at UNO in choral, too.)

The kids are alright.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

5 posted 2010-08-26 12:16 PM

Off to the dentist chair, but you got it when I get back.

In the meantime if this doesn't start your day with a laugh then I don't know what will.

Baby laughing

serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2010-08-26 06:12 PM

OMG...that is priceless! riiiiiiiiiiiippppp

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

7 posted 2010-08-26 06:17 PM

I wonder how long that went on???

STILL LAUGHING HERE

serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

8 posted 2010-08-26 06:48 PM

Here's an excerpt from a Facebook flame war that I found amusing:
http://www.pete.com/media/575/Funny_Facebook_Status/

I've seen a bunch of these, but I think this one passes guidelines here, and yanno? I'm shaking my head. Some online arguments get so crazy it's difficult to ascertain whether people are serious are simply creating parody.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

9 posted 2010-08-26 07:36 PM

whoops--

I just remembered this old game, which was passed on to me by "latearrival" son. It's a cute game, but can be very addictive. So if you're laid up in bed (hopefully recovering) or if you just can't sleep, try it:
http://www.hotskillgames.com/hot-games/skill-games/test-your-reflexes-with-sheep-tranquilizer.html

If you're using a touchpad, you might find it too challenging to be fun.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

10 posted 2010-08-26 07:55 PM

And oh, another fun game too--I wanted to tweak this one so that instead of trying to avoid the spiky walls, one would be dressed in one of those fanny-baring gowns, trying to avoid the hospital security orderlies coming atcha with a syringe. (er, it rather reminds me a pre-dawn escape attempt I made after one of my last surgeries.)

http://jiggmin.com/play_game.php?game=the_Game_of_Disorientation

And I'm still lovin' on that baby, too!

gleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee is the word for that cutie.

serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

11 posted 2010-08-26 08:12 PM

And just one more clip, 'cause I'm hogging all the air time, here--but I did dig this one up especially for RonC:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvUQQF5S4Dg

to Ron.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

12 posted 2010-08-26 08:28 PM

Here a wee one for Kacy (Midnitesun)

I went down to the pub last night and ran into Vincent Van Gogh,

I said, :"Hi Vince, how the heck are you?"

"I'm fine thanks. You ok?"

"Can't complain. Vincent, can I get you a drink?"

"No thanks - I've got one 'ere!"

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

13 posted 2010-08-26 08:37 PM

Cildren were lined up in the cafeteria of a Church elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. A nun made a note, and put it on the apple tray...

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note also, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Sunshine

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since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

14 posted 2010-08-26 08:40 PM

I'm liking that last clip, Serenity. Still giggling.

Mysteria

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since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

15 posted 2010-08-26 08:43 PM

Here's a wee one for Ron

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show.

"Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.

After a 5 days the parrot piped up, "Okay, I give up. What the heck did you do with the boat?"

serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

16 posted 2010-08-26 09:30 PM

All good'ns, but that last one is just...PERFECT.

I love you ladies. *clinkin' my water atcha both. (I can have beer for the game tomorrow.

Keep 'em rollin' people. I know some of you others are sittin' on some good stuff, too.

Um. You know what I mean.

grinssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

17 posted 2010-08-26 09:30 PM

Last one - my son sent this to me today and I laughed myself silly.
The Dad Life

serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

18 posted 2010-08-26 09:54 PM

Another cute one and I sigh. A whole video fulla family guys.

So, which one is Todd?

Mysteria

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since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

19 posted 2010-08-26 10:54 PM

Here we go - one for the Moms out there!
Mommy Rhapsody

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

20 posted 2010-08-27 08:00 AM

*chuckling*

I knew you'd be good at this!

And? I know most of us have seen this, but here's one of those tips for writing lists:
http://courses.cs.vt.edu/~cs3604/support/Writing/writing.caveats.html

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

21 posted 2010-08-27 09:18 AM

quote:
10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should

1.AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2.CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3.DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4.ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5.FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6.LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

7.PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8.PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9.PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10.TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

...from the book "Sniglets" by Rich Hall and friends, (c) 1984

Sunshine

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since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

22 posted 2010-08-27 09:21 AM

quote:
Winners of a New York Magazine contest who were asked to take a well known expression in a foreign language, change a single letter and provide a definition for the new expression

RIGOR MORRIS
The cat is dead.

RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID
Honk if you're Scottish

HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?
Can you drive a French motorcycle?

VENI, VIPI, VICI
I came, I'm a very important person, I conquered

VENI, VIDI, VISA
I came, I saw, I shopped.

COGITO EGGO SUM
I think, therefore I am ... a waffle

QUE SERA SERF
Life is feudal

LEROI EST MORT. JIVE LEROI
The king is dead. No kidding

POSH MORTEM
Death styles of the rich and famous

PRO BOZO PUBLICO
Support your local clown

MONAGE A TROIS
I am three years old

HASTE CUISINE
Fast French food

QUIP PRO QUO
A fast retort

ALOHA OY
Love; greetings; farewell; and from such a pain you should never know

MAZEL TON
Tons of luck

VISA LA FRANCE
Don't leave your chateau without it

CARNE DIEM
Seize the meat

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

23 posted 2010-08-27 11:06 AM

shhhh (I'm not here.)

but CARNE DIEM?

heh. a heh heh.

er...Sharon?

serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

24 posted 2010-08-27 03:44 PM

geek humor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7DkeQ0roAM&feature=channel

these are sooooooooo bad.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

25 posted 2010-08-27 05:38 PM

Police Officer in Court

Q: Policeman, when you stopped the defendant, were the red and blue lights flashing on your police car?
A: Yes.

Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her vehicle?
A: Yes, sir.

Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

26 posted 2010-08-27 05:44 PM

Now here's a challenge, take one of our "extremely old" insertable images and try to write a joke about it. If your joke-writing skills suffer, try to find one that would apply on the net. The images are found here: Insertable images

Don't forget to insert the image you chose.

Keep them clean folks - family fun!

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

27 posted 2010-08-27 05:59 PM

Example:

A customer at Skippers Fish Store was always amazed at the owner's quick wit and intelligence.

'Tell me there Henry, what makes you so smart?'

Henry replied," Because you are good customer I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll become an absolute genius!"

"I sell them for $4 a piece", said Henry.

So, his customer buys three. A week later, the customer is back telling him the fish heads were absolutely disgusting, and he is sure not any smarter.

Henry told him he didn't eat enough of the fish heads. So, the customer goes home with $40 worth. Two weeks later he is back, really ticked and yelling at Henry.

"You sold me heads for $4 a piece when I can buy a whole fish for $2. you've really been ripping me off!"

"Well now see?" says Henry, "You're a heck of a lot smarter already!"

serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

28 posted 2010-08-27 08:54 PM

An old man and his wife had gone to bed.
After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football... I just scored."

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressure's on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail.

Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he has, but instead of farting, he poops the bed.

The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"

The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides."

* * *

I didn't write it but the joke is so old it's now public domain.

* * *

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

29 posted 2010-08-27 09:14 PM

Eweeeeeeeeee! Is that how you smell it - I mean spell it? LOL ((*^))

serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

30 posted 2010-09-06 01:55 AM

And I wanted to thank you, too, Mysterian.

That clip of the baby laughing?

I was visiting with my mom today and I showed her that clip, and I haven't seen that smile, that kind of glow on my mother's face since I handed her my own babies years ago.

It was very special for me, and if you hadn't have posted it, I wouldn't have had the simple happiness of watching my mother being simply happy again. Thank you my friend.

Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

31 posted 2010-09-06 09:55 AM

I didn't get any sleep at all last night! There was a woman banging on the door all night, keeping me awake. BANG!BANG!BANG! I couldn't sleep.

Finally, around 3 a.m., I got up and let her out!

serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

32 posted 2010-09-06 03:04 PM

I'm tellin' ya, folks--HENNY YOUNGMAN LIVES!!!

ty Mike

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

33 posted 2010-09-08 07:47 PM

Commemorative Baby Doll:
http://www.ashtondrake.com/products/301426001_barack-obama-vinyl-doll.html

I wonder if it comes with a Birth Certificate like Cabbage Patch Kids?!

Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

34 posted 2010-09-08 11:55 PM

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
       "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
       " Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
       " That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness  brewery."
      "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
       " I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
       Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
       " It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat Of Guinness Stout and drowned."
       "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
       "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

Mysteria

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since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

35 posted 2010-09-11 02:42 PM

OMG I saw this on our news yesterday afternoon, and killed myself laughing. By nightfall, it was all over the internet. This guy must have been in school a long, long time, you think?

Republican Running For The Office of Treasurer!

Balladeer

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36 posted 2010-09-11 04:00 PM

hmmm...do e start injecting politics into this thread? Let me know....!

serenity blaze
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since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

37 posted 2010-09-11 06:09 PM

I won't mind.

Karen has gone Rogue.

And yay...it's raining!

I think this calls for some Moscato, candlelight, and blues...

*A-haw, haw haw haw..*

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy HEY!

Stephanos

Member Elite

since 2000-07-31

Posts 3618
Statesboro, GA, USA

38 posted 2010-09-21 09:59 AM

Can't forget the Jive Medical Dictionary ...

http://www.jokersrevenge.com/vocabulary7.htm

I especially like the definition of Pap Smear. lol.

Sunshine

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Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

39 posted 2011-04-28 03:01 PM

quote:
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

Sunshine

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since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

40 posted 2011-04-28 03:06 PM

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

Sunshine

Administrator

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since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

41 posted 2011-04-28 03:09 PM

A Catholic teenager goes to confession, and after confessing to an affair with a girl is told by the priest that he can't be forgiven unless he reveals who the girl is. "I promised not to tell!" he says. "Was it Mary Patricia, the butcher's daughter?" the preist asks. "No, and I said I wouldn't tell." "Was it Mary Elizabeth, the printer's daughter?" "No, and I still won't tell!" 'Was it Mary Francis, the baker's daughter?" "No," says the boy. 'Well, son," says the priest, "I have no choice but to excommunicate you for six months." Outside, the boy's friends ask what happened. "Well," he says, "I got six months, but three good leads."

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