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6 Months
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6 Months |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Well nearly. That's how long it's been since one of my friends turned his back on me. It was complicated. I guess I messed up, I cared too much. These things happen. You move on. Learn to be happy without the part of you that seems to have been torn away. But it's always there... and then you see something, or someone says something or you read something and it triggers off some kind of emotional allergic reaction! That happened to me this evening and I sat here bawling my eyes out for a few minutes. And then it was done and all the emotion receded back into the cracks and acceptance reigned once more. Yet although it fades, it seems just as hurtful albeit in a different way, as the day it happened. Someone who was my friend, and a very dear friend, isn't my friend anymore. But I still care so much. And I know there is nothing I can do. I have tried. But the only thing left to do is nothing...and maybe one day we would be friends again. I know he cares about me. He asks after me through someone he knows who I also know. If he wants to know that I am ok, then he can't be indifferent to me. And when I went through a traumatic experience, although he didn't come through as a friend, he replied at length to a post I wrote about it in a different forum than here, at my prompting. So he does care. But he won't be my friend. Anyway I am just rambling...today it hurt me some. Today I thought of this time a year ago, when I spent a lovely day with him, came across an old diary entry and boom! Ouch. Nearly six months. The next six...well they won't have the trauma of the time directly following the break off at least. Just the long-term hurt. Time is supposed to heal though...but how much does it take??... Oh well, whoever read this...thanks...dun worry I'm not expecting any answers or anything, I know better than that! "Time has told me not to ask for more, one day our ocean will find its shore" ~Nick Drake |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
you know, I know this, and understand...in time things will work out, as they are supposed to, and hopefully? It will bring your friend to you, be it "double I" or another...  email coming soon ok?  |
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Michelle_loves_Mike
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189Pennsylvania |
Losing a close friend hurts, no matter what the reason. I do hope things reconcile down the road for you's. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Those Journal entries... they can be time bombs, and bombed time. Diaries, journal entries, poems, prose, anything written down on a piece of paper, a brown paper bag, a card, a note, a voice on a tape recorder, videotapes...a journey through what was. The several small books I kept of what one would [then] laughingly call diaries...I wish I had them back. But they were thrown out over several moves through the winds, and I cannot go back to remember my first, second, third thoughts of a person; I cannot recall just why I thought it important to let that person go on without me... I cannot cry with any real peace. Maybe someday, when I am 92, some of those memories will come back. But they will be fighting a journey uphill. Embrace your memories. They are your stepping stones. |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Thanks for the replies people. I guess I was being a bit pathetic! Happens that way sometimes... "Time has told me not to ask for more, one day our ocean will find its shore" ~Nick Drake |
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