Why would I care what my deceased husband thinks about what I do?

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garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

0 posted 2002-12-12 08:34 AM

If any of you have read the poem I posted today, you will know what I'm speaking of. For some reason, one of the poems I read today made me really start thinking of what my deceased husband would think of mine and Gary's love we have found with each other. Sometimes I even feel like I'm cheating on my dead husband. Is this natural or am I needing therapy, or something?
Just wondering if any of you have ever had similar feelings......

Thanks,
Ethel

[This message has been edited by garysgirl (12-12-2002 08:35 AM).]

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

1 posted 2002-12-12 08:50 AM

I think it only natural to wonder what someone would think. After all you were married... and just because he is now gone, does not mean you have forgotten those vows you took so seriously. I am saying it is or was who you were... married... now..you are redefining yourself and in the process it is natural for the actions and feelings of who you were to creep into the you of today.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

2 posted 2002-12-12 10:40 AM

Thank you, Ron. That is a very good point. For almost twenty-five years, I considered what my husband might want or think in every decision I made. But, he's been gone for over five years, now...

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

3 posted 2002-12-12 11:08 AM

(big hugggsssssss) You are not cheating on your first husband! He loves you so very much and wants you to be the happiest woman you can be as you are such a special person! And though I have never been married, of course, I have been to many weddings and I hear those words of encouraging happiness for dear life, and he is not upset you feel for another, he is actually happy for you I believe, because he wants you to feel safe and secure and loved and is happy someone else is offering you this special friendship!

(big hugggssssss in tears) If you ever want to talk to someone who knows just how you feel, talk to Lyra! She can help you so much more I believe! (hugs) Fear not, your first love will always love you no matter what happens!

(sends angel hugs of comfort your way)

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2002-12-12 11:50 AM

I am thinking that your first husband,
knowing of your tremendous capacity to love,
would be overjoyed at knowing
that you are still in the process of giving...

I would want someone to love me enough
to let me go,
and love again,
simply because he found it done right
the first time.

He's smiling.
So is he.

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (12-12-2002 11:52 AM).]

Miah
Senior Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 1062
Pennsylvania

5 posted 2002-12-12 12:27 PM

I agree with everyone else. I think your husband would be happy for you, and would not want you to be alone the rest of your life. Just because you find new love does not mean you will forget the love you had with your husband. Our hearts are soooo big their is always room for more.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

6 posted 2002-12-12 02:25 PM

Noah,
do you know what? I thought of Lyra, too.I know that her first husband passed away. When she's feeling better, I may talk to her about it. Thank you.

Karilea,
Thank you so much for your caring words. I really hope that my late husband would feel this way, and I do know that HE is smiling, since He is the One who put these two hearts together. Thank you sweet Lady. (and Happy Birthday, again......

Miah,
Thank you for caring. Yes, there are good memories that I will always cherish. I'm so thankful that my new love understands. I appreciate your kind words.

~Ethel~

Salty
Senior Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 669
Texas

7 posted 2002-12-12 02:47 PM

First of all I think this is all very normal. My ex husband is dating a lady that lost her husband also. I actually like her better than I do him...but that's another story. I noticed the other day that she still wears the wedding band from her late husband, but I also know that she plans to marry again. I am not sure what your relationship was with your late husband, but I know what happened was not your fault. I know you kept your commitment and evedintly are giving yourself some time before jumping into anything else. This just shows you are not looking for a quick fix for your lonliness, but have now fallen in love once again. This is a blessed thing and you deserve happiness *Everyone does*, and you are one lucky person to have found it. Don't let it slip away.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

8 posted 2002-12-12 08:19 PM

Salty, I wore the rings my late husband gave me until Gary and I became engaged, then I started wearing the one he gave to me.

I know....I don't want to let Gary slip away, either. He tells me that I'm a "complicated lady", but that he's "Strong Enough To Be My Man"....(Travis Tritt's newest song) He said that they wrote that song personally for him to give to me......

~Ethel~

[This message has been edited by garysgirl (12-12-2002 08:20 PM).]

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

9 posted 2002-12-12 09:05 PM

I feel so terrible about your first husband. But you know what? If it didn't happen, you wouldn't have met Gary. You wouldn't have found us. And I am sure that your husband would want for you to be happy. I know if I died, I would not want others to mourn by depriving themselves. He probable thought that too. Life goes by, the changes come so soon, but there are no "last times"

Never be normal!

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

10 posted 2002-12-13 12:27 PM

Thank you, Wind, for your words of wisdom. You do know that you are wise way beyond your years, sweet friend.
Thank you....

~Ethel~

NewEnglandlazurlu
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-01-04

Posts 7470
A Mountain Paradise

11 posted 2002-12-13 09:45 PM

I have to agree with Karilea. I honestly believe his heart is overjoyed with love to know that you are happy and loved by Gary.

I don't think he wants to see you sad and alone.

Hugs, Marti

Let our love circle the world and
bring Peace to all this Holiday Season.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

12 posted 2002-12-14 05:43 PM

Thank you, Marti, you are all so sweet. I really appreciate everyone's comments. It really helps me.

~Ethel~

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