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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Through |
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buckysimone Junior Member
since 2003-10-19
Posts 27 |
the lights turns out shadows creep beside my legs nightmares become reality dignity thrown upon the floor mops and brooms silhouettes of sopranos altos and tenors standing naked through winters winters flame of agony igniting through paper-bag walls walls of my house through the rain walls tumbling down graphic graffiti through through plastic windows suffocation of the stench bed once filled fully with springs blanket of words trash bag pillowcase dreams urination coats the bleeding concrete floors of feet bare foot walking through on cuts cuts like ocean shells beach beach visited as a child coated with pollution dead seagulls and poached whales peoples hands reach reach for me grabbing releasing my clammy hands laughter follows, malodorous bedroom i will go down turn out the lights. |
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| © Copyright 2003 buckysimone - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Minister Joe Member
since 2003-02-22
Posts 78TX, USA |
B, The images in this are sort of relentless--that's not necessarily a bad thing--sometimes you can use that to your advantage... one image rolling hard after another, but usually that isn't as effective as it can be unless you have some sort of baseline to hold it all together; the strength of the story if you will. Though you have some stellar imagery in this: dignity thrown upon the floor mops and brooms silhouettes of sopranos altos and tenors It's difficult for me to ingest this poem as a whole--because I can't follow a single line of thought through it. The story through the poet's eyes just isn't hear for me to read yet. Consider choosing your strongest three images here--take them apart and ask yourself--what are they saying to you? What is it not only that you feel, but see when you contemplate them? It may be that you already know what you're trying to show the reader, but perhaps a closer examination will provide you with some highlights that you may have missed, and sometimes it can be something so simple that is the key to the voice of a work. Very much enjoyed and thank you, --Matt Give what you can. |
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gourdmad Member
since 2003-12-01
Posts 136Upper Ohio Valley |
After having seen several examples of it over the past week on this forum(nothing personal Bucky), I have come to the conclusion that if I were dictator of the world I would mandate that the center justification option would be deleted from every aspiring poets word processor. If someone had to do it manually(center justify), it would only be used where it made a useful difference. |
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